Complicated issues about virginity

[Alabama]

This is such an easy decision, huh? You're only going to be 20! You'll be still so young, so why give up now? If you do, you'll never get the girlfriend you want, to lose your virginity, too. I'll be in 21 in 2 months, still and virgin and also with no girlfriend. It can be painful because many times the nice guy doesn't seem to have much luck, but don't give up. Change then who you are. Make it this year that you decide to improve your chances with girls. Brush up with some books. Who knows? Maybe the next girl you meet, might just be that virgin your hoping for.

[Batya33]

First of all, typing and talking to someone for a few days, months, years, you have never met in person is not a true romantic relationship. You need consistent in person time for that -at least 6 to 9 months - to know if you are compatible for a romantic relationship.

 

It's fine to limit yourself to virgins, just understand that that makes it harder to find someone - just like any restriction a person has on who he/she would date.

 

As far as the talk about ending things, either get psychiatric counseling NOW or if you meant it in just a overly dramatic way figure out today what things other than having a girlfriend right now would make you feel fulfilled - start volunteering, take classes, go to the gym, etc. It's such a privilege to be alive and to be here that to have that mindset is very troubling and a passive way to approach life - get out there and be active, proactive and realize that not everyone gets to be in a relationship whenever he/she wants to be - and that there is far more to life.

[ironpumper]

Allow me to throw my 2 cents worth in here, cuz it's a subject that's always been near and dear to me....

 

I am a 48-year old virgin. Shocking? Pathetic? nah, I just believe that love is a gift from God, you show that love 3 ways, mentally, emotionally or spiritually and physically. Sex is a 'giving' of yourself and your love to the one who God sends you.

 

Some of you will shudder in amazement at that statement, shaking your heads in utter disbelief. I am who I am, as God made me. I believe that a man doesn't become a man when he has 'sex', but when he accepts and embraces the morals and values that God meant for us to hold to. I'm not perfect, by any means. I am proud of who I am and what I believe and will never compromise that.

 

So some of you may think "how sad"-please don't-I've had girl "friends" and big crushes, just no one I loved enough to "go all the way with"-there have been moments when we came close, but I stopped. I didn't want to, because I didn't love her.

 

Bottom line is, I don't care about it, sometimes it bothers me a bit, but again, I look at those who's lives were ruined because they felt compelled to lose their virginity just to conform to society's "norm". Fatherless children, some of who will never know their real dad, broken homes by infidelity, etc. are results of promiscuous sex, which is fueled by the media and peers. It's extremely difficult for anyone to hold on and have the strength to value their morals in today's world, it takes an extremely strong determination to hold on to what you believe is right, and I do not condemn those who are weaker or share the same attitudes by any means. By the same token, do not condemn nor pity me or those who share the same views.

 

For those of you who believe the same things, but see my post as 'scary' -as in being in your later years before having sex, I want you to know that I do NOT regret my decisions or my standards in ANY way! I've built a wonderful, fulfilling and blessed life, and if God sends me someone, then I'll be further blessed, if not, so be it. I have a wonderful family, career, friends, beautiful home. That's way more than I thought I'd ever have.

[Ghost_ape]

Well first of all, I think it's completely unreasonable that you've got such standards for girls.

 

You want your girlfriend to be a virgin, unless you lose it to someone that you will cut off all contact with, just for the sake of losing your virginity, so you can go out with a girl who's not a virgin?

 

I'd say you're manipulative, but that would be giving you credit. This is one of the stupidest posts I've ever read.

You're depressed because you can't find a girlfriend who's a virgin.

 

You're a confused man, lonelynshy. Confused, and not likely to get what you're looking for, I'm sad to say.

 

I noticed, also, that you put something about wanting to cheat on your first 'real' girlfriend, so that you can get back at the female sex in general.

 

Thanks, * * * * * * * . It's selfish, airhead chauvinist * * * * * -jobs like you that give men in general, a bad rep.

Thanks to people like you, there are guys in this forum who are treated callously by women and can't lose their virginity!

You feel special? You earned the * * * * ing star!

 

Online relationships are * * * * .

They don't even deserve to be classified as relationships.

What are you expecting, that she won't cheat on you, when the only contact she has with you is over MSn, or something like that?

 

Look, what you need to do, is get out more. Go to a party, get drunk.

And forget the virgin-girlfriend thing.

Sitting around and waiting for someone to fit that standard could possibly be the biggest mistake you'll ever make.

Although even if you dispense with your standards, with an attitude as callous and sneaky towards women as you have, karma probably keep you a virgin until your hair is gray and you've got more important things to worry about, than de-flowering a 20 year old woman.

 

It's bad enough when guys come on here, complaining that they can't lose their virginity, period.

 

You come on here, expecting advice on how to find a girlfriend that fits your narrow standards, or how to take advantage of some girl you don't really care about, so that you can start a relationship with a girl who isn't a virgin.

 

What are you expecting us to say? "Well, the corner of 5th and west street is where a lot of virgin females spend time. They're especially responsive to men in blue clothes!"

F*uck, man. I don't know how you even expect anyone to take your post seriously. There's nothing anyone can do about this, except you.

 

And what is it, you ask, that you need to do?

Get over yourself. Stop being such a dip * * * * , and realize women are human beings too.

 

With an attitude as crappy as yours, and standards as ridiculous and particular as yours, I'm not at all surprised you're still a virgin.

 

What crap!

[bijoux27]

Honestly, if you yourself are a virgin then it is fine to want a girl whose a virgin.

 

There are some guys who AREN'T virgins who require a wife to be a virgin....now that's wrong!

 

I don't think you'd gain anything from cheating on a non-virgin gf. If you just want to lose your virginity then be in a casual relationship, but don't pretend to be serious with her and cheat..

[Ghost_ape]

Bro, I may not be particularly religious by any sense of the word, but I think you're on your way to heaven, with beliefs such as yours.

Good on ya, man.

Respect.

[Ghost_ape]

Honestly, if you yourself are a virgin then it is fine to want a girl whose a virgin.

 

There are some guys who AREN'T virgins who require a wife to be a virgin....now that's wrong!

 

I don't think you'd gain anything from cheating on a non-virgin gf. If you just want to lose your virginity then be in a casual relationship, but don't pretend to be serious with her and cheat..

 

Well put, Bijoux27...Well put.

 

P.s. Funny thing to say over a forum, but your display pic is absolutely ravishing.

 

Gorgeous much?

[bijoux27]

Thanks Ghost Ape.

[Luke Skywalker]

Do any other guys feel this way?

 

Yup.

 

I'm angry because the only 'sort of' girlfriend I had was online and she lost her virginity to someone else *while* she was with me.

 

Know exactly how you feel and can relate with you 100%. It happened to me about a couple of years ago. Although it's officially against my standards to have pre-maritial sex, I was nevertheless hurt, vengeful and angry when it seemed that a girl I 'sort' of was seeing lost it with some jerk.

 

What makes me angry is that an experienced STD ridden guy who probably would see that girlfriend as just another notch on his bedpost (maybe they even had unprotected sex and she has an STD?), and a conquest to brag about to his buddies in a water-cooler, would be choosen over virgin-you the nice guy -- did something similar occur there?

 

If I may ask, how did you know this girlfriend of yours (at least in your mind) lost her virginity? A girl that knows you have feelings for her wouldn't admit this and you'd usually have to find out some other way, by a reliable third party, an idiot bragging about their conquest deflowering her and adding a notch to her bedpost, or something she wrote or said that would give it away. The only foolproof way of knowing anything would be to see her * * * * * to see if she has a hymen, and then see it later, but other than that it's impossible to know for sure -- if she was telling the truth that she was a virgin, or if it's accurate she lost it (either by your own conjecture, her admission or someone telling you somthing, or someone bragging about their conquest with her).

 

 

I have always been angry,hurt and vengeful since then and vowed to never lose my virginity to my future girlfriend (whoever she might be) *unless* she is a virgin too. It sounds complicated but it's quite simple. Is anything wrong with me for thinking this way?

 

Well, here I'm not totally in agreement. There is a difference of someone losing their virginity, KNOWING that you are a virgin too and interested in her and pursuing her WHILE you know her, and there is another difference of a girl who lost it before she even meet you. The first is a betrayal / offense, while the second somehow is not.

.

 

I NEVER cheated on my online girlfriend in any manner whatsoever but after what she did,I fantasize about cheating on one of my future girlfriends the same way just to get back at the female sex in general. (BTW,we've long since broken up and ceased contact,but I obviously haven't let go).

 

Neither have I. However, I tend to be quite fair and will only acknowledge that this is an isolated or unique incident that cant be generalized to other people. Why whould another girl have to suffer for what some girl did? That would be giving too much power for that girl to allow her to sabatauge your future relationships.

 

You see, the damage is done. You don't trust women like you did before that happened, and unfortunately, nothing can really bring that trust back. In a sense, I wouldn't want to know another virgin girl who wasn't serious about waiting until marriage because I wouldn't want to experience that type of betrayal again. If a girl is open to pre-maritial sex to test out sexual chemistry or comes with some line, then she's open territory and could just lose it with anyone who is able to charm her.

In other words, you have to test her convictions and how serious she is to waiting until marriage before having sex.

 

I watched this movie, called Monsoon Wedding, and there was a marriage arranged, and the wife to be, lost her virginity with another guy prior to the marriage, but the husband really loved the wife and it went on. I don't know if I would -- I'd likely cancel the wedding and move on. What occurs in the movies doesn't occur in real life.

 

Yes,I have issues but it isn't my fault. I can't stand the thought of nobody being there to wish me on my 20th birthday (besides my parents). Why? Because nobody knows,and nobody gives a ___. I have made a fool of myself asking every girl I met her birth date in the hope she would ask me the same and remember it No such luck.

 

Holy my ginger-ale. Wow. I asked the girl for her birthday too, and it was one day further than mine on the same month. You do this too.

 

I thought and made a list of the girls who 'know' me.

1. My ex online g/f who has since moved on successfully

2. The girl who sat with me at supper on February 20th in the cafeteria

3. The waitress who touched my shoulder once.

 

Big fat list there,huh? Yeah right. Tell me,why shouldn't I just end it all? Nothing is going to get better. As for that 'nice guys finish last but DO finish',that should be expanded to '...but never find a virgin girl'. The only reason I'm still living is because I don't know of what's on the 'other side'.

 

And you don't want to know what's on the other side if you don't know Jesus as your Saviour. You have to settle yourself with God to be right with Him and know you are saved.

 

Anyway, back to the point, I've experienced exactly what you've gone through and even wrote lots of threads about this particular girl. If you like, you are free to do a search, put in "Luke Skywalker" and threads in the advanced search section. Read all my threads in the emotional section about the crush -- and you can read most of the threads I started here in 2006 including the sex and romance section.

 

You'll read a chilling account that I puncturated with dates due to my artistic character. November represents scorpio and the astrological sign represents elements you are describing here. I found out she lost her virginity in September -- the sign of that month was virgo - or virgin -- coinicentally.

I went on adultfriendfinder/adult-lavalife to look for a casual hook-up to lose my virginity in November -- and it was a reality-tv quality adventure from this line. I wanted to lose my virginity with someone -- just like you after that happened. I almost did -- but my dad talked sense into me at the last minute and I aborted - otherwise I would have lost my virginity likely on November 29, 2006 or very soon afterwards with a casual hook-up on a pity-sex premise.

 

You see, when I go down, I must do it artistically to maximize the impact. Since then I haven't gone on any adult sites -- but I bought a fleshlight instead around Valentines...but that's another thread.

 

Thanks for sharing your story.

[MD Geist]

I totally feel the same way as you.

 

Iam 22 years old and never had a girlfriend once and only knew one female friend who was a virgin who just recently got married. Since redurrecting my life to God

I must say meaningless sex is out of my mind for the better and understanding and waiting for the right partner is a great thing however Iam starting to kind of regret waiting till marriage for sex because alot of women in my age group has had sex atleast once before.

 

They know what they want and how they like it, how iam I suppose to safisfy her sexually?. I can't! I feel like its such a waste to wait for sex till marriage because even if I do meet that one person chances are she will not be a virgin and the relationship will be headed for failure because you've got once experienced person while the man is very inexperienced and doesn't know what he's doing.

 

I feel that day by day that goes by that I don't meet someone the chances of meeting a good partner is becoming just a vision and it won't happen.

[phish]

I'm 22, almost 23, and am still a virgin. Sucks. I in no way want to end up like Ghost_Ape, over half-way through life and not getting any. Does that mean I'll screw the next girl that shows me attention? Naw, I'd only get with a girl who I could tell I'd have at least a bit of a future with...

[Ghost_ape]

I'm 22, almost 23, and am still a virgin. Sucks. I in no way want to end up like Ghost_Ape, over half-way through life and not getting any. Does that mean I'll screw the next girl that shows me attention? Naw, I'd only get with a girl who I could tell I'd have at least a bit of a future with...

 

Over half way through life?

What the fu*ck are you smoking, bud?

 

I'm 20 years old, and have a BMI of about 20.7, and eat like a rabbit.

I run several times a week, and can jump higher that most people my size.

I practice taekwondo, and work out more than most people can say they do in the space of a month, in a few days.

 

I'm not even a fourth of my way through life, and I'd appreciate if you'd not make false claims about me like that.

 

p.s.

 

Not getting any?

I beg to differ.

[Divine_Malice]

I must say to cheat on a future girlfriend just because she has been with someone before you is very childish. Yeah, I am sure it was hurtful what that girl did to you, but hurting another girl just makes you pathetic and more of a pieces of * * * * then the girl who did it to you. I know saying someone always has it worst isn't the thing you want to hear, but My ex fiance cheated on me a week before our wedding so I know it hurts but it could be worse.

 

Don't take it out on someone else you just need to move on. If your so interested about having sex just go have a one night stand so you don't have to worry about. You obviously aren't looking for something special so go do it. You can only take pity on yourself for so long, go live your life.

[Luke Skywalker]

Ibut My ex fiance cheated on me a week before our wedding so I know it hurts but it could be worse.

 

How could it be worst? That sounds terrible.

[ZeldaPrinces]

How about not worrying about ever having sex? Do you really need it?

There aren't many girls who are virgins. I am and will be for life, and its sad that girls have it so easily. But it is mainly because guys ask. And you are here, stating that you want a virgin because you want to lose your virginity to a virgin. Why do you need to lose your virginity? Why have sex with women? Men like you are rare and precious. Keep your virginity, you do not need to have sex.

[MD Geist]

How about not worrying about ever having sex? Do you really need it?

There aren't many girls who are virgins. I am and will be for life, and its sad that girls have it so easily. But it is mainly because guys ask. And you are here, stating that you want a virgin because you want to lose your virginity to a virgin. Why do you need to lose your virginity? Why have sex with women? Men like you are rare and precious. Keep your virginity, you do not need to have sex.

 

The problem is the human race is like designed specifiicly to have sex and thats the main trait of mankind of to love each other and have sex and reproduce.

 

Kind of like a Ferrari you don't but it to drive slow

 

I want to be in a relationship with a woman but I don't think any woman out there would except me for being a virgin at a later age because its like they think iam somekind of weirdo. Non virgins can be very mean sometimes.

 

I want to be with a woman not because I want to have sex with them but I would like to feel how it is to love another person and have that person love you back more than just family or friends you know just something thats special between me and her. if I can have sexless relationship I think I would be OK and not have any worrys. But again she will think iam weird.

[ZeldaPrinces]

Sure the human race is designed that way but not everyone reproduces and the human race is designed to work that way. You can love a person in a romantic way without having sex with her - they are not interconnected, people make them be.

I don't see how a relationship without sex, if both people consent, could possibly be worse than one with.

Your right though, its rare to find that, but when you do its really nice. Your right though when you say this:

"I want to be with a woman not because I want to have sex with them but I would like to feel how it is to love another person and have that person love you back more than just family or friends you know just something thats special between me and her. if I can have sexless relationship I think I would be OK and not have any worrys. But again she will think iam weird."

Because it is completely okay to have a sexless relationship, it is so much more sincere and deep and the emotional connection is so much more vivid.

So you would be fine being a virgin for life?

[ZeldaPrinces]

"Non virgins can be very mean sometimes."

I agree. But there are virgin girls out there, who appreciate the thought of a sexless relationship/marriage.

[MD Geist]

So you would be fine being a virgin for life?

 

 

 

 

When no woman wants to give me a chance I have no other choice but to except realitly.

[Divine_Malice]

How could it be worst? That sounds terrible.

 

Yeah, it was pretty terrible, but hey least I didn't marry the jack ass right?

See it could always be worse...

[firemanhk]

By the way, if you want to have something to look forward to, females have the upper hand in dating from ages 18-25 or so, but men have it after 30.

 

This is sooooo true!