Im trying to move on. suggestions welcome

[newlife24]

It will be two weeks on Saturday that I broke up with my ex. I know that the facts are black and white at this point. He has recently become a drug dealer and also has a serious daily addiction to pot. He has made it clear he doesnt think he has a problem with either of these decisions.

Therefore, I know I need to move on and leaving him was the best choice for me.

I just want opinions on what my next move should be.

 

Today I placed an ad on match just to get myself started but I feel like im just not ready and that I may never be. I am still in love with my addict.

However, on the flip side, I cant keep hoping and wishing for him to change because he wont.

So, to people that have left their significant others that you loved for good reason, do you move on quickly or give it some time?

I havent paid for my profile yet. I am going to let the idea simmer and see if I am willing to go through with this.

Its been two years since ive been out there and im seriously rusty.

I always thought that it was best to be single and figure out who I am but I really believe that I have always needed to up my standards ie college education, belief system, no drug use etc. If I do this, I will have much better success at relationships and possibly even getting past this icky breakup.

[No1]

first you have a good head on your shoulders. You saw the situation, you saw the future, you accept you cant change a man and you decided wisely to move on. So for that, you have to be commended on your move. That was a very good.

second.. why place an add on match? I think it might be a little too soon and I think you know its too soon to start dating. What I think is that you just need a little time for yourself. Go treat yourself, make yourself happy first. Doesnt sound like you are ready to date but you do need to force yourself out there. For now do what makes you happy again, reconnect. Call up your friends, hang with them, dont be alone tho.. lean on your friends its why they are there.

[newlife24]

you are so right. thats what i have been telling people that im not ready. Then I started to doubt myself. I should never do that.

I have always taken the time to be alone after a breakup. I know I need to go through this ugly time. It was a good relationship minus the addiction. I want to ensure that I maintain my integrity and his memory.

I just need to screw my head back on straight and refocus my energies.

Thanks for your support.

[adamt]

forget about wanting to meet someone, dating again so soon is a bad idea i think.; just find and discover things that you enjoy doing. new hobbies and sports. i got in shape and lost 26lbs by going to the gym. now i love the gym and go whenever i am at home on a night. just stay ultra busy. get back intouch with friends and do things with them. try not to sit at home on evenings alone too often. read a few books before going to bed so the ex is not on your mind last thing at night. yhink about going on a weekend break with friends to get away from memories. there is no quick solution, just work on yourself and everthing wil take care of themselves.

[newlife24]

thanks. i went out tonight and it was fun. i feel its going to take a LONG time. usually my ex does something stupid and i hate him and immediately move on. but with this ex, for some reason, i feel more sorry for him than mad.

hopefully that too shall pass.

we will see. for now i will work on me. the sadness alone has helped me lose 5 lbs.

so thanks for the advice

[No1]

Well, Im proud of you. Sounds like you are well on your way and it wont be long before you really do release him and say good bye to your X. Its sad, terrible, and I know how you are feeling, but life moves on, and it does get better with time. I think you will have many more good days than bad days.

For now, do what you have been doing, enjoying life, embracing your freedom, smile, if you look at the grand scheme of things you are okay. You have a place to live, you are not begging for food, you have money and a means to make yourself happy. Just missing that pesky love part, but that will come in time when you are ready to accept it again. Until that day comes.. enjoy it!! Live it, laugh, smile.

[Nappyloxs]

Online dating is not necessarily a bad thing. I know many people on here say "you are not ready to date." But this is how I have come to looking at online dating, its is similar to ENA but it offers visible hope. I love ENA and find great support and advice here. With online dating, you get to see others and see that they are looking for someone just like you. Even if you have no hope that there will be another one, it helps to see that there will be. You don't have to go on any dates, or even talk to people. If you do, great! You will meet new friends. If anything, you can just window shop!!

 

Keep it up, you are doing great.

[newlife24]

thanks. yes i signed up for one month on match. I think I at least need to start entertaining the thought of making new friends and even possibly casually dating.

Im taking baby steps right now. Im going out tonight salsa dancing and im doing a good job i think at keeping my mind off of him.

I just sometimes wish he would call, but then i think, why would i want him to? Nothing has changed. He is still a pothead/drug dealer. ick

[No1]

So how are you feeling? Doing pretty good?

[newlife24]

Im doing alright. I was at a party last night for a friend. I was going to leave, then this guy asked me to stay. So I stayed and we danced all night. I wasnt feeling the chemistry but I was very happy to find attention and affection.

Im just taking it one day at a time.

[No1]

Good, just little baby steps. You wont heal in a day and its going to take time, but flirting is a good way to boost the esteem isnt it? Just do what you do, dont dwell on the past, and know that there is life out there for you. You can do it. I know you are strong. Im very proud of you.

[newlife24]

thank you. everyone keeps telling me they couldnt do what i did. I just know in my heart you cant love someone and enable them to keep hurting themself and you. I will probably be single for a long time, like i told him. I think just keeping the male interaction to flirting is a step in a good direction. This guy last night wanted my number and I gave it but I told him we need to start out as friends. I dont wanna push too soon. You have to let yourself grieve and let it all sink in.

[Goody]

Its good that you are already starting to move on but if your not ready yet, then there is no need to rush. Why drag someone else into your situation? That person might be looking for someone that is 100% ready to be in a relationship. Also, you seem like you have a social life and things are going on with you. You don't need to find people on the internet. Do what you love and you will find someone else when the time is right.

[newlife24]

this is true. I guess im just worried that i may become weak and want to see him.

I am trying to stay strong and remember why i left him in the first place