Is it unreasonable to . . .

[confused25]

. . . ask your bf to not have a female roommate?? He is looking for a roommate to help out with his mortgage and I don't think I would feel comfortable with him having a female roommate.

[bulletproof]

Why don't you want him to have a female roommate? Are you afraid he'll cheat or is it something else?

[erase this face]

If it's practical, why not? Asking him not to says to me you don't trust him.

[confused25]

Why don't you want him to have a female roommate? Are you afraid he'll cheat or is it something else?

 

Yes. I do trust him to a certain degree but I think having an attractive female roommate may be a temptation.

[pumpkinmoon]

I can see why it would make you feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't like it either. I don't think it's anything to do with trust really, unless you think he will cheat. For me it would just be about another female sharing his living space.

[bulletproof]

Yes. I do trust him to a certain degree but I think having an attractive female roommate may be a temptation.

 

If you feel like he can't resist temptation then you shouldn't be in the relationship. He could hook up anytime- at work, at the supermarket, whatever. Just because he's living with a girl doesn't mean he wants to be with her.

[renaissancewoman101]

have you thought about moving in with him?

[jul-els]

Yes, you're being unreasonable. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. If you don't have that you don't have anything. It's black and white. Either you trust him or you don't.

[Emily100]

I feel that it is completely reasonable to tell your bf that you feel uncomfortable with him having a female roommate. That is very different than telling him not to have one. In other words, my all means tell him how you feel but don't tell him what to do. Your feelings should matter to your bf.

[DN]

You can tell him but when you do you are also telling him that you think he is untrustworthy, hasn't got the strength of character to resist tempation if it is offered and that you will never be comfortable if he is alone with a woman without you being there to monitor him. .

[MandyJade]

I think you are justified in being uncomfortable.

But I think that you should be able to trust him. And by showing that you can be trusting he will realize that you have this great quality. Be confident and believe in your trust with him.

Plus if he cheats, you don't want him around long term anyways. There are plenty of situations in life where he would have to be with other women alone and if he can't pass this test then he is not worth your time.

Good luck!

[WomanWriter]

If you feel like he can't resist temptation then you shouldn't be in the relationship. He could hook up anytime- at work, at the supermarket, whatever. Just because he's living with a girl doesn't mean he wants to be with her.

 

I respectfully disaree with this. All of us give in to temptations when they are flaunted in our faces. How many of you have been on a diet only to "cheat" when that chocolate cake sat in front of our faces for so long? Yeah...

 

It's not about trust. Someone might have good intentions and we do trust those, but we are human. We are not gods, so we are not immune to temptations.

 

If I had a hot guy roomate, who's to say I wouldn't be tempted? Not to say I would cheat, because I hope I have better morals than that, but who needs the temptation causing extra problems?

 

I think the OP is right in her feelings. He doesn't need the temptation.

[DN]

I respectfully disaree with this. All of us give in to temptations when they are flaunted in our faces. How many of you have been on a diet only to "cheat" when that chocolate cake sat in front of our faces for so long? Yeah...

 

It's not about trust. Someone might have good intentions and we do trust those, but we are human. We are not gods, so we are not immune to temptations.

 

If I had a hot guy roomate, who's to say I wouldn't be tempted? Not to say I would cheat, because I hope I have better morals than that, but who needs the temptation causing extra problems?

 

I think the OP is right in her feelings. He doesn't need the temptation.

When you cheat on a diet you are only cheating yourself. But when you cheat in a relationship there is someone else to consider and that is the difference.

 

And it is the OP who doesn't need him to be tempted - because it is indeed all about trust.

[ItRainsItPours]

I think it's unreasonable. as you know relationships come and go but who he picks as a roommate is a lasting decision, I dont think its fair for him to choose with you in mind. and Im guessing you guys arent at the moving in point yet? if he doesnt have the character to not cheat he will do it without a female roommate.

[arcadefire]

I would hate it if my boyfriend had a female roommate. I do trust him, but I just don't trust her, whoever she may be. Now if this girl is someone I can trust, I may be alright with it.

[ladymcbride]

I absolutely think its perfectly fine to ask him not to have a female roommate! Its not about trust, really. But eliminating temptation is smart. My boyfriend asked me not to live with a man, and i asked him not to live with a woman (when we didnt live together). I trust him, but why hand the apple to Adam when you can just not plant the tree!?

 

Its a matter of comfort, not trust per say. Comfort = less fighting over ridiculous reasons.

 

Could you move in with him?

[DN]

Either you trust someone or you don't. Saying that you do but don't want them to be tempted is saying that you don't.

 

Trust, like fidelity, is an absolute and there are no half-measures.