Did I do the right thing???

[sparx]

When it comes to dating I'm shy because I have some trust issues and have had violence in my home. I'm scared to let a man into my life. But I do date from time to time and do find myself attracted to guys.

 

Well generally I try to take it slow (so slow I've never had a boyfriend) either way, I want to be friends first then more. I hung out with a guy a while back who liked me. We worked together at the time which made me unsure to pursue anything, he also smokes and I hate that, and he's older and a couple other things that don't line up with what I want in a mate.

 

On the other hand, he's handsome, I feel comfortable with him, he's smart, a family man, nice and kind.

 

I was and am attracted to him but after being friends for a while he confessed he liked me and wanted to heat things up between us. When I told him that I wasn't sure what I was looking for and wanted to keep things friendly (not more) he suggested I was immature. He also has called me boring because I am not into drinking, partying and I don't "go out" often.

 

I got offended by this and figured if he really liked me he'd like me how I am, yes I could be more exciting and spontaneous but in reality that's not me, not now, maybe one day, but not now. I said we could stay friends but he has stopped pursuing me. Did I make a mistake by not taking him up on his offer and was I expecting him to wait too long?

[jul-els]

No, not at all. You did the right thing. You should never try to be something you're not just to please someone else. It's like you said, he either likes and can accept you as you are and vice versa or he's not a match.

[DN]

Well, you should not have told him that you were not interested if you were. But he also seems a bit of jerk so you are probably better off without him.

 

In the future - try not to put people off by telling them you are not interested when you are. You can't expect them to keep pursuing you if you tell them you don't see them romantically.

[sparx]

Thanks. Guess I was just wondering if I was expecting him to wait for me too long. He is no doubt a good guy (not perfect, but good yes). I wonder if it was a reasonable for me to think he'd wait or continue to be interested when I wasn't interested in casual dating (Which is what he wanted).

 

Also should I have casually dated him, I mean he is cute and nice. But at the time my mind wasn't straight and I didn't want to get into something that had the potential to cause pain and drama (a casual relationsip). I guess I want to be in real, commited relationship or nothing at all. But I wonder if I should be casually dating or have given him a chance...

[sparx]

DN - Thanks, but I thought I made a decision (hard though it was) to not date him romantically becuase I wasn't sure. If I hadn't told him that I wanted to be friends only at the moment, it would have seemed like I was all in. I didn't want to lead him on when I wasn't sure what I wanted. He did make the decision easier by constantly saying he liked me, and calling me childish for acting "scared" to see him casually.

[JackAfrica]

DN - Thanks, but I thought I made a decision (hard though it was) to not date him romantically becuase I wasn't sure. If I hadn't told him that I wanted to be friends only at the moment, it would have seemed like I was all in. I didn't want to lead him on when I wasn't sure what I wanted. He did make the decision easier by constantly saying he liked me, and calling me childish for acting "scared" to see him casually.

 

Ask yourself whether your indecisiveness and self protection worked to your advantage or against it.

[JusticeLaw9]

Go with your gut, if it doesn't feel right than chances are it's not. And there's nothing wrong with holding back on all the drinking and partying. I don't do much of that either, just not really my style. Stick what works for you and whatever is good for you. If it's not him, then it's just not but don't ever try to force it on yourself.

[sparx]

Ask yourself whether your indecisiveness and self protection worked to your advantage or against it.

 

 

Good question. That's what I am hoping to get an answer to in this post.

[DN]

Are you happy or unhappy? If you are unhappy then you had better work out a different way of behaving.