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Exhausting.


_Asti_

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I've dreamt of my Mother almost every night for weeks now. Or atleast it seems that way. Whenever I wake up and reflect on my dreams, there's always one of her.

 

Whats up with that?

 

When she first died, the dreams were so full of life, and she was young and vibrant, but as time passed they were like a progression of replay of her in her sickness.

 

I feel like its such a barrier. And I don't know why I keep dreaming of her.

 

Can anyone relate?

Or can anyone offer insight as to why?

 

At first I was sadenned yet comforted by such a dream where she was alive, bright and happy..but now its just getting ridiculous. In fact, its doing the opposite.

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I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

It's only been a couple of months. This is part of the grieving process. I don't want to upset you, but I still grieve on some level 24 years after my mother's passing.

 

Have you been doing any counseling to help you?

 

No, no counselling really. Not my style.

 

I read alot of self help books, have a great support system around me, and do talk to the chaplain a bit at where I work. I do feel like I am doing well with my emotions and my grieving, and acknowledge them, feel them, work through them, I make time for it, etc. and life is continuuing on, almost too well.

 

I understand that things will never be the same, and will continue to feel grief for many yearts to come, especially with a wedding, children, etc..and I am fine with that and undersand thats just part of losing someone whom you were close with.

 

But man, to see her night after night, dying in a hospital bed in your dreams is just plain..exhausting and depressing. Makes me not want to go to sleep at night.

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This is a normal part of the grieving process. The first year is the hardest. The first year after my grandmother died I used to have dreams of her.

 

Thank you...I just wonder where the dreams stem from. Thats the part that gets to me. Like if I am not dealing with something properly, or not acknowledging something correctly.

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I read this book, and it really helped me.

 

link removed

 

I saw that the other day at the bookstore! I tried getting it from the library but they don't have it...I have a few more books to read through, and then its on my list of things to treat myself to! Glad you enjoyed it, I am definitely anxious to read it.

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Thank you...I just wonder where the dreams stem from. Thats the part that gets to me. Like if I am not dealing with something properly, or not acknowledging something correctly.

 

People have dreams about various things they are going through at any particular time. Dreams are just a way for the mind to process an experience. It doesn't mean you are not dealing with something properly. Dreams are a normal part of the process of dealing with whatever is happening in your life...in your case it is bereavement.

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I am not sure what you would think about this idea, but I believe that the spirits of our deceased loved ones do visit us in the dream state. It is easier for them to communicate with us when we are in a relaxed or sleeping state. I have had many dreams about my boyfriend who died in November, and like what you experienced with the images of your mother, he has appeared to me younger and so radiant, happy and healthy. These dreams have given me great peace.

 

I also have had more troubling dreams, such as the one in which I was with him when he passed away. But there is also healing in these dreams, too, for I believe he has been trying to help me reconcile some of the guilt I feel for not being with him when he died.

 

Perhaps it could bring you comfort pondering the possibility that your mother really is trying to talk to you, trying to show you she is all right, that she is happy and safe, that she loves you and will always be with you.

 

My condolences for your loss.....

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The chaplain at my work had brought up something about dreams and how she thinks and views them in relation to someone having pregnancy dreams, so I am thinking of proping her mind further on the issue and see what she has to say in my situation.

 

I found great comfort intiially with those first few dreams...but its just the latest ones are not good. In them she's suffering. She's gasping for breaths, she's on oxygen, she's in the hospital, and its not pretty. How do I interpret that? I end up with this awful ache in my heart wondering if she's suffering in the 'afterlife', or is it on my end that I am having a hard time coming to terms with how she died?

 

I am clearly reading way too much into this, but it just isn't fun.

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