Surprising reaction

[lessonslearned]

I broke up with the guy that I've been dating last Friday (forum/showthread.php?t=326236). There were just too many things going on in his life to maintain a romantic relationship, not to mention a major geographic move that I'm making in the spring.

 

Although disappointed that he doesn't have the emotional energy to invest in a closer relationship, I understand where he's coming from. And realize that if it were me in his situation, I might very well be reacting in a similar fashion.

 

Our conversation last Friday was very open, honest, and caring, which is very much a reflection of our relationship over the past 4-5 months.

 

We decided to remain friends, and he told me that I was always welcome to call and talk, or when I was comfortable, he'd love to go to a concert or something with me. But that he'd leave it up to me and my comfort level.

 

There have been a couple of emails exchanged this week about a health issue he's having (I'm a health care provider with expertise in the area of his problems). But they were the type of emails/conversations I'd have with any friend who wanted to know if their symptoms were serious enough to seek treatment.

 

And yes, there have been periods of loneliness and disappointment. And to be honest, I hope that maybe in a couple of years when things are more settled, we might re-kindle our relationship. But I'm not going to wait around for that to happen.

 

Anyway, this morning I got a call from Delta airlines canceling my flight out of BWI. They told me they'd rebook me on the 6:45 am flight out of Dulles, so I said go ahead. Then I remembered I'd have to deal with the Washington Beltway at a very early hour and it would be even worse than usual given that we're still digging out from two major snow falls. I checked hotels around Dulles airport and they were booked. Then I remembered that my x lives very near Dulles, so I called to ask if I could crash on his couch.

 

I ended up getting his voice mail...which was just as well. My voice was a bit shakey, when I asked him to call. In the meantime, I double-checked my reservation online and found that Delta had booked me out of Dallas-Ft Worth tomorrow instead of Dulles Airport so spent some time straightening that out. When he called back, I told him what had gone on and that it was a false alarm.

 

We had a pleasant, short friendly conversation and he told me that I would have been more than welcome to crash on his couch tonight had I been flying out of Dulles in the morning (both of us are the type of people who would offer a friend of either gender a place to stay in bad weather or to avoid horrendous traffic, so I'm sure that my request was viewed as simply a friend asking a favor). When I told him that they'd plowed my street and that all I needed to do was run the snow blower a bit to clear the stuff that the plow dumped at the end of my driveway, he told me he'd been outside and that even with his 4-wheel drive some of the streets were a bit dicey. And encouraged me not to try to go anywhere today even if they'd plowed my street because he was concerned about my being able to get up the hill and navigate some of the curves on my street with a small car.

 

I was pleasantly surprised that the skakyness in my voice was gone and that the conversation didn't leave me feeling lonely or sad.

 

Yes, I wish our romantic relationship would have been able to continue, but this kind of interaction gives me hope that in month or two (or three) we can be friends.

 

I know it's very soon after the break up, but I feel positive about what's happened this week e.g., a business-like and friendly interaction re is health issue, and our mutual comfort in dealing my request to crash on his couch tonight.

 

I'm sure it might have been a little uncomfortable for me (re-awakened a certain sadness for me) if I'd ended up crashing on his couch tonight, but I have no doubt that both of us would have honored our decision to end the romantic and sexual part of our relationship.

 

I'm using this as a bit of a diary for myself, but would appreciate any thoughts or ideas from people who are further along in the process.