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Aborting steps to reconcile


SushiOji

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I was just wondering who here has begun the steps towards reconciling and then decided that it wasn't worth the trouble anymore, didn't want to walk on eggshells, got tired of wondering if they were making too much/too little contact, didn't know what this or that meant, and just told their ex everything they were holding back on and just moved on and never looked back.

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I was just wondering who here has begun the steps towards reconciling and then decided that it wasn't worth the trouble anymore, didn't want to walk on eggshells, got tired of wondering if they were making too much/too little contact, didn't know what this or that meant, and just told their ex everything they were holding back on and just moved on and never looked back.

 

I was thinking about doing this, but then decided otherwise. I mean, really if you feel like just getting over it, and forgetting about it, there is no need to tell your ex everything. No need to burn bridges, and kill your chances. Because you might change your mind in the future. Might as well just forget about it, and stop contacting them, and not expect anything out of it. If they come after you, and you feel like giving them a chance, good, if not, then whatever.

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lol funny you mention it. I just did it. I feel awesome.

 

I was holding myself back because I was going to try to reconcile with him. But then I woke up and realized he just wasn't worth it. I was done keeping my life on hold waiting for him and some time to pass. So I wrote him my last email, blocked him from everything, and said goodbye.

 

I have no plans of going back btw. So I do agree that if you think it's a possibility you might want to go back. Don't burn the bridge. I burned it because I'm done.

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I bet it does feel great. How long did you put up with it? I don't really think of it as burning the bridge as much as it setting yourself free. This way if they did ever come back you would know it's for real?

 

But if you do something that burns the bridge, they are much less likely to come back. It is better to just leave it alone. Maybe just go into NC, focus on healing yourself, and forget about reconciliation for now. That would leave the door open for reopening communication in the future. You can set yourself free without being dramatic about it. Just disappear.

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I bet that would be an amazing feeling. To stop all the worrying about what to do and just let everything go. Telling your ex everything that you always wanted to say but were too scared to, how good would that feel?

 

On the other hand I agree with what JBaker says, even if you don't feel you'd ever want to reconcile again you don't do any harm by just disappearing.

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But if you do something that burns the bridge, they are much less likely to come back. It is better to just leave it alone. Maybe just go into NC, focus on healing yourself, and forget about reconciliation for now. That would leave the door open for reopening communication in the future. You can set yourself free without being dramatic about it. Just disappear.

 

Funny how that works. If you're already broken up, what is the bridge burn but an unnecessary exclamation point? I guess some would argue it's some sort of means to "closure" (whatever that means), but it seems to me like a temporary satisfaction, at best. I wonder how many have set the bridge ablaze, only to discover that this action prompted the person on the other side to run accross it before it collapses? Then what?

 

I love analogies.

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"steps to reconciling" - either you reconcile or don't. There is no "aborted" reconciliation. Besides, people confuse "reconciliation" with "getting back together". You can reconcile i.e., clear the air, say you are sorry, and forgive the best way you can but it doesn't mean that getting back together is the outcome. It just means there was closure or apology.

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Well what I was really getting at was at what point do you think you are just being strung along? I didn't mean burning the bridge by saying nasty things about the ex more like look I still love you but this is going no where and it's better to just stop it all now.

 

I've started talking to my ex again but I don't want to get friendzoned. I've never gone back to talking to an ex before that's why I'm not entirely sure how to handle this.

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Well what I was really getting at was at what point do you think you are just being strung along? I didn't mean burning the bridge by saying nasty things about the ex more like look I still love you but this is going no where and it's better to just stop it all now.

 

I've started talking to my ex again but I don't want to get friendzoned. I've never gone back to talking to an ex before that's why I'm not entirely sure how to handle this.

 

Doing it that way sounds reasonable and mature. You are leaving the door open, but letting her know that you are not interested in friendship. If you were to decide you want to stop things, this would be the way to do it.

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