What do I tell my ex's ex?

[FloraDora]

So...I was dating this guy for about a year and a half. I broke up about 4 months ago because he kept talking about his ex-girlfriend constantly, he was still friendly with her, and I felt like he still had feelings. They had been together for 4 years, and had only broken up about a week before he and I met.

 

During our break-up, we were still friendly and talking. He explained that he was over his ex, that he had loved her, but that there was no passion in their relationship and while they were still friends and he cared for her, he wanted to be with me. I believed him and felt like we had worked through our problems so we got back together.

 

However, he still talked about her, hung out with her, and seemed to place her needs above mine. We got in a huge fight, during which he told me he had slept with her once while we were broken up. I felt he clearly hadn't moved on and broke up with him. He was VERY angry at me, told me I had huge jealousy issues, and said very hurtful things. I cut off all contact.

 

Today I got an email from his ex. She said that he told her he had dumped me to get back with her because she was the one he loved. He told her that I was heartbroken and stalking him. She wrote that she didn't believe him because he seemed really upset and has been getting drunk and crying over me. She asked me to tell her the truth about what happened becasue she is afraid he only came back to her because he couldn't have me. She said she feels he is afraid to be alone and only keeps her around as a "spare".

 

How should I respond? I am done with my ex, I don't want him back, or to even be friends with him. I also don't have any hard feelings though, and no desire to ruin his potential with her if that is what he wants. Clearly if I tell her he lied to her, she will be upset. I don't know her at all, and don't feel any obligation to her whatsoever, other than common human decency.

 

I am frustrated because he was one of those people who creates drama and plays games in relationships. I was SO happy to done with his crap, and now I'm being sucked back in.

 

I am inclined to ignore her email. Is this wrong?

[catfeeder]

Don't put a word about this in writing to her--it's like sending a sex tape and losing control of it forever.

 

This girl is on her own with the guy, and it's not your job to touch that. He involved himself with you too soon after their breakup, and now that's HIS responsibility to resolve with her.

 

My heart goes out to you, I can appreciate that this isn't easy. If you must respond (you really don't 'need' to), I'd simply say, "I wish both of you well, and any information you need about Ex should come from him."

[BCC123]

tell her the truth, tell her exactly what hes been telling you, this guy is manipulating both of you and neither of u girls deserve that. expose him. if she really wants to be with him she'll be with him even after she hears that

[BetterKarma]

I think it's actually quite bold of her to contact you. If you want, clear up what he says about you to her and leave out the rest about his feelings for her only because you really don't know his feelings for his ex.

[catfeeder]

tell her the truth, tell her exactly what hes been telling you, this guy is manipulating both of you and neither of u girls deserve that. expose him. if she really wants to be with him she'll be with him even after she hears that

 

I disagree. Don't take the bait. She won't believe you, and she'll show your message to Ex. He'll defend himself, and you'll come off as a desperate lunatic without the self-control to keep your dirty laundry private. She'll WANT to believe him--so guess who'll win. Don't ever write anything you wouldn't openly publish on the Internet--it could end up posted there.

[FloraDora]

I disagree. Don't take the bait. She won't believe you, and she'll show your message to Ex. He'll defend himself, and you'll come off as a desperate lunatic without the self-control to keep your dirty laundry private. She'll WANT to believe him--so guess who'll win. Don't ever write anything you wouldn't openly publish on the Internet--it could end up posted there.

 

I think I agree with this, I went back and forth and I am leaning towards simply not responding to her email. I think that if I respond at all, even to tell her I will not answer any questions, she could tell my ex and this would encourage him to contact me even more.

 

I have been getting text messages from him telling me he misses me, and wants to get back together. I have ignored them, and last night took the step of blocking his number.

 

I do think he is manipulating both of us, but I think it is because he is an emotional mess, not because he is a bad person. By that I mean, I think he will continue to play weird psychological games with his ex, but I don't think he is violent or abusive or anything extreme that she needs to be warned about.

 

She is an adult, and she dated him for four years. She knows what he is like, and obviously is willing to continue to see him. If she is contacting me, somewhere in her heart she knows that he is not being honest I don't need or owe confirmation of this to her. I am going to ignore the whole situation.

 

I thought I couldn't be any happier that his was over but reading that email made me so overjoyed that I am done with the situation that I almost wanted to burst into song.