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Cant move past the denial & anger stage...


coolgirl

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Here is the thing. About 2 weeks ago I started going to college. Which has been keeping me busy for 2 weeks now. With work, school, I have no time for myself bc thats what I wanted. Before I started my college I was sort of depressed for awhile bc of my divorce situation. And started seeing a therpist. At first I didnt want to accept anything she was telling me bc I had a hard time letting go of my divorce situation. Has been a year sense my divorce. The thing is that I know there a couple of stages that you go through but I"m sort of in between the denial and anger stage and cant get past it. I mean I barley had time to think about any of this at all. My divroce.

 

The reason I started taking classes is that 1) not to think about my ex husband 2) not having to put up with the divorce 3) not to be able to think about the miserable life I had before. And now I stopped all communication with my ex husband bc that what I decided to do. And now I dont want to have to put up with my divorce situation anymore. I dont want to have to think about it. I dont want to deal with it. But here is were my problem comes from. Dont I have to deal with this later on if I ever want to consider getting into another relationship or committing to someone else? And why is it that everytime that I try dating a guy that it never ends up working out? Is it bc I have to deal with my divorce issue? And If I dont ever end up getting help with my divorce issue I know I will never have a successfull relationship cuz I know in the back of my mind its always going to haunt me. And ending up having another failed relationship.

 

Its my classes is what is getting me through this time period so I dont have to deal with any of this. Like today for the first time in couple of months I started to cry again. And I thought I was holding strong. What do yall think?

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I didn't really date for over 2 years following my divorce. It still took a few relationships before I was able to have a healthy one. Don't push it. It will happen when it is time for it to happen. I never want to get remarried, so that kind of frees me to enjoy my life on my terms. I like it that way.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I agree with the taking time to heal idea - everyone has a different timeline for that. However there is one other thing

 

Forgive him

 

I don't know the specifics of your marriage, but you need to forgive him for YOU not him. It's time to work at giving yourself the power to be free and move on.

 

Don't see it as a failure

 

Bear with me here - the Toyota Camry and the Honda Accord are both really good cars, reliable etc etc. However as nice as they both are, I cannot take the alternator out of one and put it in the other because they are simply not compatible and will go boom.

 

Part of life is not only figuring out what you want, but also what you DON'T want. A relationship that doesn't work out isn't necessarily a failure, it is a teaching moment in the work in progress called your life.

 

I have had some doozies of breakups with women being really mean.

 

However this is 2 or 3 out of the billions of women in the world, there are a lot of people out there, many bad, but more that are really good. Your time will come, you will let go when you are ready too. Right now just keep concentrating on you and make your own life. Meet new people, volunteer and help people or animals, do what makes you feel good and it will all fall into place when you least expect it.

 

Good luck and take care

 

Pen

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