Men who change their minds

[BriarRose]

Men Love the thrill of the chase!! Once the Chase is gone, it gets boring to them and they move on to a new challenge...I would say "Never Give your all"...give little each time..(Yeah they might say they want a woman who Loves them & Gives them everything, but I realized that in reality they don't want it all handed to them)...Make them earn it

This is it, right here...

[midnightrambler]

i am too busy to chase

[Blue Spiral]

I have no interest in chasing.

[orchidrose]

Just out of interest what do you think makes people incopatible 3ish months in?

 

Well, I had a relationship end recently around the 3 month mark. It wasn't that we magically became incompatible overnight - we had been incompatible the whole time, but we had both been so happy to be in a relationship, any relationship, that we ignored it or tried to dismiss our worries.

 

In our break-up discussion we both find out that we weren't attracted to each other, that we had totally different lifestyles, that we wanted different things out of a relationship (I was looking long-term married with kids; he told me he wasn't sure if he'd ever get married), and the list goes on.

[alvin]

I, as some of the other guys have said,have no desire to chase. from reading this I think some of you need to reconsider the kind of men you are drawn to. The idea of making me "earn it" would make me want to move on to the next.

[SometimesShy]

Yes, men love the thrill of the chase and this is something every woman should know.

 

...And then there are many men like me who absolutely HATE the chase. The chase for me is like going back to junior high school, when all you really expected was game playing.

 

As an adult, any woman that starts playing the "hard to get" card, I wave goodbye to, and never contact them again...

 

Have a great life! Go waste someone else's time! ](*,)

[BriarRose]

...And then there are many men like me who absolutely HATE the chase. The chase for me is like going back to junior high school, when all you really expected was game playing.

 

As an adult, any woman that starts playing the "hard to get" card, I wave goodbye to, and never contact them again...

 

Have a great life! Go waste someone else's time! ](*,)

Yes, but OP is not attracting men like you. I am like OP - I meet these guys, they come on strong often saying they love me within a few weeks and then bolt. I don't understand it. They seem sincere at the time, not players.

[SometimesShy]

I meet these guys, they come on strong often saying they love me within a few weeks and then bolt.

 

I think you have to be willing to test their commitment when these guys start professing their true love. Not by playing hard to get, but by seeing how far they have thought things through. I honestly think that these player types are following a kind of script, so when you start poking a little deeper things will quickly fall apart.

 

I know for myself, with new personal relationships ( business, friends, and romantic relationships ) my trust largely comes down to a "gut feeling" about the person I am seeing. I am pretty good at fishing out bad eggs.

[Puddincup]

It is interesting to me that you do this and yet you're not sure why.

 

I have thought about this before and I think that what happens is that it seems great and the guy is having fun and then all of a sudden he realizes he is in too deep and he feel overwhelmed and just wants to leave. Like that talking heads song "This isn't my beautiful wife...."

[SometimesShy]

I tend to do this a lot, and it is puzzling to me as well. It is baffling to me, as I have hurt several women for no reason really, and I can't figure out why. Perhaps it is because I don't know what I really want, or in some cases have lied to them about what I want.

 

This sounds like a classic douche-bag behavior. If you don't know why you're doing it, then I think you need to stop and get help. Otherwise you're just fooling yourself, and being an assh*le to the women willing to trust you.

 

Time to grow up. Don't be a douche.

[headwreck]

They seem sincere at the time, not players.

 

And this is exactly my problem with them. I have no bother with players, people can have one-night stands etc if they want but that's not for me. I make it quite clear that I am not into flings from the word go (maybe not verbally but by not sleeping with someone etc saying I'm not ready). They are very understanding, are happy to just be with me, we spend more time with eachother, are just becoming a unit and bam, they bolt. All with very kind words. You're a lovely person, I'll never think badly of you, you should have more confidence in yourself (although I find this endearing blah). I really want you in my life but just not as a gf.....

 

Now I can understand if your gut tells you after a year that this isn't the person you are going to marry, but after 3/4 months and 3/4 months of being entirely compatible I think they are jusy not trying to make things work. They do not want a relationship, ie they had a fling and they really are just a user and a player. Wolf in sheeps clothing.

 

I think you have to be willing to test their commitment when these guys start professing their true love.

 

How do you do this without freaking a guy out!? Even the non-committment phobes could bolt.

[headwreck]

I tend to do this a lot, and it is puzzling to me as well....I have hurt several women for no reason really, and I can't figure out why. Perhaps it is because I don't know what I really want, or in some cases have lied to them about what I want.

 

Can I ask do you regret your decision to break up with them ever? Do you stay in contact and how do you feel when you see them?

[headwreck]

In our break-up discussion we both find out that we weren't attracted to each other, that we had totally different lifestyles, that we wanted different things out of a relationship (I was looking long-term married with kids; he told me he wasn't sure if he'd ever get married), and the list goes on.

 

You see I wouldn't think this is one of the rel we are discussing. You both have clear reasons why it wouldn't work. You prob were incompatible....

 

My ex couldn't give me one reason why he broke up with me except he was "unsure".....I told him I thought it was perfectly fine to be "unsure" after 3/4 months that I would think less of him if he was sure......he freaked out anyway...

[Emily100]

if a man comes on too strong, I slow him down. else it can be dangerous waters. you can burn yourselves out too fast. I thin k once you started to respond the man got scared and jumped boat. In the future, I would hold back a whole lot and slow things down.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

slowing these types of men down won't fix them... in fact, it will make things worse because more time will pass, you will both become more attatched and it will be even more devastating when it ends. and it will ultimately end.

 

what happens is that these men reach a "point of no return". At that point, they realize that they may actually get what they want and have to be with you. For some men, this can happen in a DAY, others it can happen in months and for some, they may not hit that point of no return the day they put an engagement ring or wedding ring on their wife's finger. they think they want a loving, committed relationship or marriage, but then fear and anxiety sets in and there is nothign to do but run. So they start looking for ways to sabotage the relationship. Blaming everythign on their wife or gf, looking for faults or quirks that they had previously thought were "cute", some may cheat and hope the wife/gf finds out so they will break up with them first, etc etc. ANYTHING they can think of just to get out of the relationshp and become "free".

 

it depends on the man on when this may happen and when they feel trapped to the point of no return. the length of the relationship really has nothing to do with it.

[DontGetStung]

I think the case may be that I get burnt out quickly, since usually women will fall very quickly; I don't see why, but it tends to happen quick. After a little while I start thinking about how much time I spend with them and thinking about how much I have to give up to sustain things the way they are.

 

Last year, what brought me to this forum was the fact that I had been seeing a couple of friends and become intimate, but no one wanted to seriously date me. I was a little hurt and confused since this happened with 3 of my "friends" within a couple months. It's not hard for me to get a girl into bed, so I figured that's all anyone wanted me for, and I think it must have sent me into the pattern I'm in now.