Feeling like you don't matter...

[cbh1979]

So for the past few months I've been feeling pretty down. I don't have many friends, and recently it's seemed like I've lost the ones I did. We don't talk very much anymore, and I've had this fear that they'll just forget about me. There were no fights or anything like that, it's just I hear from them less and less. One in particular, we were talking a great deal, but she just never bothered to respond to a few emails and FB messages sent over the past several months. I ran into her on New Year's Day, and she promised to write. But, she of course hasn't.

 

Earlier this week I was feeling pretty good. I wasn't overwhelmed with these feelings and had talked myself into just saying to hell with them. Or so I thought. But tonight, for some reason, all of it is flooding back. It's hard to feel like you matter, that you're important to others, if you're not reminded of that by them. I know I shouldn't seek that type of affirmation from others, and that happiness is found within, but you still want to feel like you're important to others, that they care what is going on with you and everything. And I just don't think that is true in my case. They seem perfectly happy just not being in touch, which really bothers me.

 

Sorry for the whining a bit, I just hate feeling like this.

[KittyBoo]

Is it possible that when you are with them you are often complaining or not in a good mood? People don't like to be around people who are negative so maybe you need to step back and look at things objectively to see if something you are doing is causing them to distance themselves.

[cbh1979]

No, I wasn't complaining or a downer. When I wrote or talked with them, I would ask about specific things regarding what they were up to and just update them on what was going on with me. I know people don't like to be around those that are negative, and frankly up till a few months ago everything was pretty good, so I had no reason to be complaining or give off a negative vibe. Even when I ran into my friend who hadn't responded to my few messages over the last couple months, the one who promised to write, I was cheerful and upbeat. Even though I was feeling hurt that I hadn't gotten a reply I can internalize it pretty well, because again I know people are put off by it.

 

I'm wondering if that is a bad thing to do. On the one hand I don;t want to be negative or turn them off, but at the same time being cheerful and acting as if everything is just peachy probably tells them that I'm not bothered by the fact they've not responded, right? And if I'm not bothered, then it's OK if they don't write.

 

I don't know, I just thought I meant something to them.

[KittyBoo]

Sometimes you have to just come straight out and say "have I done something to offend or upset you because I was really surprised when you didn't reply to my messages".

 

When my bf broke up with me in November, a friend of mine had to travel out of the country for business and told me that she would email me to make sure I was okay. Ten days went by and I heard nothing from her and I thought she must not care about me to ignore me when I was going through a very devastating time. I rationalized to myself what her reasons could be and instead of saying nothing, I told her when she got back how I felt. It turns out that my logical reasoning was right - she was in Morocco in the dessert and simply could not get access to a computer in order to write to me. So instead of feeling bad and wondering about it, I simply spoke up and cleared the air.

 

Maybe there is actually nothing wrong and they have just been busy. It could be any number of things. The best thing to do is to casually bring it up and then you will have your answers.

[cbh1979]

That sounds like a good thing to try. Hopefully it would ease my mind a bit.