Un-Identity v.2

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I shouldn't really comment about parenting as I really really really dislike what children do to people's lives and for some reason the whole concept of motherhood makes me annoyed.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Things in my home are becoming a bit tense again. My mother will be going through an unexpected third round of chemotherapy, which is something she is not handling well. My father has a sore arm and keeps stealing her pain meds which is sending her into a tizzy. The two of them wear me out, I'm sick of being the middle man in this situation.

 

I've lost everything and have been taking things one little step at a time in the right direction but I need to evacuate soon. GAAAAHHHHH.

 

I'm also starting to think I'm running to hot on this thing, too... maybe I need to relax and let others guide my interactions with them for a while.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

.............................

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I feel ugly again today.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Wow, what just happened to me would be a story for textsfromlastnight or something but it is so mortifying I will never tell a soul! WOWWW.

 

This day needs to end or I'm going to stab it in the eye with a butcher knife.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I'm a bit lost again, I was doing well at being really centered and calm and peaceful but I think I'm using this situation and trying to turn in into past ones and failing miserably. I tried to write a novel and got to a page of something I really liked... still I don't know how I could ever make it go for 200 pages lol.

 

I've been reading and working out a lot more so I guess my dead time is being filled well.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

You really never know your true opinion on something until it is in your face. I have sat there time and time again thinking I knew what my stance was on something brought up here. I voiced my convictions but really, you never know.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Ugh I don't feel comfortable posting here anymore... really I am not moved to post anything but... idk.

 

I look forward to working out today, hopefully reading and watching the hockey game. That's about my life.

[Ellie2006]

How about moving your journal to the private section?

I like to vent in my journal sometimes but my entries are pretty inane so I keep my journal hidden away in shame...

I like the private section bc you can catch "two birds" -- you have a place to empty your head of all these thoughts BUT you dont have to announce them to the world.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

How about moving your journal to the private section?

I like to vent in my journal sometimes but my entries are pretty inane so I keep my journal hidden away in shame...

I like the private section bc you can catch "two birds" -- you have a place to empty your head of all these thoughts BUT you dont have to announce them to the world.

 

I could start up a private one, I guess... Idk I just haven't had anything to say lately lol! Life is boring but stable for now haha

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

...................

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

One gets drunk and needles me via text about bs I can't change (and I don't care to)

One gets drunk and assaults me via facebook and text and calls and has FINALLY had a hissy fit and de-friended me (YAY)

 

Then one is perfect and kind.

Another is supportive but never around.

 

THOSE are my only interactions. I'm ok though. I work out, I go to work and save money the best I can... I'm thankful for the support I've been given, even if I feel so disgustingly alone.

 

I'm hoping to stabilize myself a little so I can try new things. I would like to attend al anon meetings, volunteer with animals or something, take dance classes. Mostly I really want to work full time.

 

I feel like I'm on life support from all of the bs I have been through in the past couple of years.... it seems like I am making a good recovery and have my priorities straight but it is happening so slowly. I still don't know what I should be doing and I still yearn to have friends and be social and "normal".

 

I just wish someone would reach out to me and genuinely care and say hey- hang out with us... but it isn't realistic I guess.

[Perfect Dark]

If you lived near me; I would drag you out!

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

If you lived near me; I would drag you out!

 

Thank you!

They really need to work on teleportation lol! A lot of people's problems could be solved if we could just zip to the other side of the world hehe

[Perfect Dark]

Thank you!

They really need to work on teleportation lol! A lot of people's problems could be solved if we could just zip to the other side of the world hehe

 

I know! It really sucks.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I cried myself to sleep last night but it was productive. I thought I was done relying on others for an identity, I thought I was making progressing and becoming self motivated and stable on my own but I clearly needed a wake up call. So glad that happened.

 

These habits are going to die hard. I have to keep trying and remembering what not to do.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Oh shut the hell up, you judgmental failure. Aren't there a flight of stairs you can do fall down?

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I'm just so in awe. Good awe, I strive to be more like you but in my own way so it isn't repeating my mistakes over and over. You're teaching me so much and you don't even know it. I owe you big time.

[Perfect Dark]

I cried myself to sleep last night but it was productive. I thought I was done relying on others for an identity, I thought I was making progressing and becoming self motivated and stable on my own but I clearly needed a wake up call. So glad that happened.

 

These habits are going to die hard. I have to keep trying and remembering what not to do.

 

Stupid as this may sound; I can not cry. Some times it feels better after a crying session.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Stupid as this may sound; I can not cry. Some times it feels better after a crying session.

 

has it been that way for a while?

I hate crying because my dad always used to scream at me for it.

[Perfect Dark]

has it been that way for a while?

I hate crying because my dad always used to scream at me for it.

 

Yup, I can go for months but there is moment where I am on the verge of it. I usually cry when the shizz hits the fan for me.

 

That's awful. *hugs tightly*

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Thank you, PD.

It's good when crying can be a release. Crying all the time doesn't help anything.

I don't very often, either.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

^Oh, I wish I had seen that. haha

 

Soooo, this weekend was boring as usual. A great hockey game on Saturday but otherwise nothing. I'm sore from working out but realize my diet is still a wreck and it doesn't appear I'm losing much. As much as it pains me, I need to chill out on eating yummy food.

 

*whines- but what will I have???*

 

Anyway. I'm just not motivated today...

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I lack patience in all forms. I am excruciatingly slow to change, slow to warm up and slow to accept. I lack forgiveness in all forms, as well.

 

It becomes important, then, to figure out if I can or want to change these things.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I sort of find it interesting how people get so easily sucked into the lives of really mean, horrible, inattentive people. It always seemed clear to me that you get what you give, but some people really have the ability to lure and abuse without any repercussions. It is sad to see this, some of these people are wonderfully bright and have the world to offer... it is such a waste to fawn over someone who does not respect you.