sex life is nonexistant, and graduating soon...

[wanderer]

hey all,

 

i guess you could say i'm in a classic relationship situation. for a little background: my girlfriend and i have been together for just over 11 months (the one-year anniversary is coming up soon) we are both in the same year at the same college and we are both graduating this year, as a matter of fact. since we've been dating, we've made a kind of silent pact that we wouldn't talk about what will become of our relationship once we graduate and start looking for jobs in our fields. it's one of those "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it" kind of situations. several months ago, i always just assumed that she and i would stay together when we left school, since at the time we both expressed a desire to stay in our hometowns, which are not far from one another, and at this point we are both crazy about each other. but over the course of the year i think we've both begun to realize that this most likely will not be the case. we now understand that we could end up anywhere in the country, and we both know it would therefore be a bad idea to plan our lives around each other at this point of major transition in both of our lives. tonight we unwittingly got back on this topic: we agreed that, most likely, we would not stay together once we graduate and part ways in the spring.

 

but there is another reason. in the past few months (the tail end of our year-long relationship) our sex life has died down considerably. we are both busy at school, yes, but recently she has not been interested in sexual activity of any kind, despite my attempts to get her in the mood over and over. most of the reason is the fact that sex is often uncomfortable for her physically, and that she has trouble relaxing enough to really enjoy intercourse. i'm very understanding of this and i don't pressure her to do anything she doesn't want to, and so we got along fine doing other things sexually for the first 7-8 months of the relationship. but nowadays she doesn't really want to do anything with me. we are still attracted to each other, but the past four months have just been one excuse after another as to why she just "isn't feeling it tonight." the last time we tried intercourse was around halloween, and since then it's just been her pleasing me and declining any of my offers to please her. the only touching we do these days is some cuddling, and the obligatory greeting/goodbye hug and peck on the lips. we used to sleep together in the same bed every night, but now she prefers to stay in her own bed at night. most nights i'll ask her if she wants to sleep in my bed, but every night another excuse - "i have to wake up early tomorrow" or "i have a headache" these are reasonable responses, but they never used to stop her from coming over for the night. all of this has made me feel rather unwanted, certainly physically and to an extent emotionally, and i've brought this up with her before in the past, usually ending with her crying and me feeling guilty for bringing it up and shallow for making an issue of it in the first place.

 

tonight, when we were talking about the reality of post-graduation come this june, i mentioned that if we didn't see the relationship continuing past then, then we may as well end the relationship now... amazingly, she didn't get outwardly upset at the suggestion; rather she countered me in saying there "wasn't any reason" to end the relationship right now. i wasn't suggesting that we break up right here on the spot, but in a way it makes sense to me: we are both going to be very busy with our classes starting in february, which is one her biggest excuses for rejecting intimacy. our sex life is nonexistent, and thus i find myself looking at other girls more and more. i feel guilty about this, because i still care about her very much, but i just feel like we're becoming less boyfriend/girlfriend and more just "close friends" every day. however, i doubt she would agree with that.

 

i don't know what to do. on the one hand i want everything to be ok and enjoy the next few months with her, then see what happens after school. but on the other hand i don't know if we can salvage the feelings we once had before it's too late.

[DN]

Your relationship is basically just a friendship and not much more. Since it is obviously making you unhappy and isn't likely to change or even continue past a few months it is probably better to end it now.

[cruzer]

sounds like your crazy about her, but she just isnt feeling it. maybe she was before, but think about it. even if u were not head over heels for her, as long as you were happy and wanting to be with her, you would sleep in her bed.

 

we wont even go into the sex thing because if she wont even sleep with you, she obviously does not care enough about you and the relationship.

 

my girl is way more touchy feely, wants sex more than me, wants to be right beside me 24/7. im not that way, but u can bet i live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, and have sex often enough to keep her happy because i love her, and i want to be with her.

[Deep_Blue_Sees]

It sound like your girlfriend is thinking that she may as well not have sex with you considering it's just going to be ending soon anyway.

[Ms Darcy]

It sound like your girlfriend is thinking that she may as well not have sex with you considering it's just going to be ending soon anyway.

 

This is a good description. I think you should end it now - that sounds like what you want to do anyway.