Says she likes me but has walls up.

[baker53]

There is this girl that I have gone out with a couple of times and I am beginning to really like her. We have know each other for about 3 weeks and have hung out alone a few times and have been out with a group of people a few times as well. During this time we have "messed around" and I have stayed the night at her place a couple of times. What gets me is that she is hard for me to read and does not show me much emotion or excitement. However every time that I have made a move she has not turned me down and seems to be into it.

 

A few days ago we were texting each other and she apologized for being distant the previous night. She then told me that she has not dated anyone in a few years and it is scary to be dating again. She also said that she has put walls up that are going to take time get down. I told her that I was fine with taking this slow and that I really liked her as well.

 

Do you think that since she hasn't been in a relationship in so long that she would be eager to start something new?

 

I was told that her last relationship hurt her pretty bad and she also knows that I got out of a long distance relationship about 2 months ago.

 

My question is how do I handle this? I don't want to come off as desperate or pushy but I want her to know that I am interested. We have been texting pretty much everyday as well. Should I continue to to try to text/talk to her everyday

 

Could these walls that she has put up be a problem in us getting closer? Could this evolve into a relationship? What should I do next?

[waveseer]

I suggest minimizing the texting and replacing it with talking whenever feasible. It sounds like she will respond favorably once she begins to trust you.

[petite]

Give her time to trust you and show her slowly you are trustworthy. She has been alone for some time, so for her to pull her guard down will take some time.

 

Don't rush it, but also don't slow it down too much, be spontaneous, let things happen naturally.

 

She also could be afraid that you might be looking for a rebound so if that is not the case, let her know.

[Ms Darcy]

For me personally, I would move on. Life's too short to 'be patient' with someone who's not quite relationship ready. I would not feel great about being with someone distant who made me question if they enjoyed my company and physical affection.

 

There are plenty of attentive/affectionate women who, although are cautious, don't have walls up. Do you not find those type of women attractive?

[nothealing]

I wouldn't stop seeing her. Everyone has some kind of past and dating someone new is always scary. Also how difficult is it to find someone that likes you and that you like a lot too! I would give her some time to open up and trust you. Its only been 3 weeks. I agree with the calling. And don't be TOO keen. Give her some space but I would maintain continued interest, take it slow.

[baker53]

The reason we usually text is because she is one of those people that would rather text than talk, or so I've been told. Does talking instead of texting make that much of a difference? We are supposed to go out with a group this weekend to party and I asked if she wanted to hang out another night with just us two and she agreed, but we have not made any official plans.

 

Should I mention something about just us hanging out again or should I allow her to bring it up?

 

Also when I see her should I start treating her more like my girlfriend, i.e. holding her hand, rubbing her back, ect, or should I step back and wait for her to do something?

 

I not really into facebook but there are still pics of my ex and I on my page. Could this be bugging her and should I delete them from my page? Also should I tell her that I am not using her as a rebound and that I really want to get to know her.

 

Like I said I am fine with taking it slow, but is there a certain amount of time that I should wait and if nothing changes by then, then I just move on.

[guynextdoor]

Going to the same thing bud. I think the key here is taking it slow. If she digs you she would do some of the initiating of going out. GL

[Brightest Dark]

I think she'd definitely love to be in a relationship - but she might want things to go slowly physically.

 

I'm like her and haven't been in a relationship for years and so it's a bit scary - but at the same time there's someone I like and I'd love to be in a relationship with him. I'd love to start seeing him - but I'm also straightedge so wouldn't get naked with him quickly! She may be a bit wary of guys if she's had her heart broken - but if you don't go too fast and let her know you really do like her I think it'll be ok.

[patience]

she is communicating openly and honestly, which is key - she is letting you know what is up with her, rather than pretending it's all good

 

keep communicating, take it one day at a time - are you opening up to her as well?

[WomanWriter]

Ohhh boy...this sounds eerily familiar because you remind me of what the guy I'm dating would be saying and I've basically said and done some of what your new "friend" has.

 

I can't read her mind, but being in a similar position, I think you need to take this very slow. It seems the attraction is not there yet on her part. If it were developed, the walls would be coming down. She may also just be afraid of being vulnerable only to be hurt again. Make her feel comfortable. DON'T come on too strong. That is the worst thing you could do right now, trust me.

 

Please don't be overly lovey dovey and intimate if she's got walls. Be trustworthy, affectionate, and strong for her, but not pushy whatsoever.

 

The best thing you could do is give her space. Stop texting her everyday and making the moves physically. Let her initiate those. But when you hear from her, be friendly and sweet and let her know you enjoy her. She will come to trust you without feeling rushed.

[Kinetics]

Like everyone has said, take it slow. However, don't invest your feelings too much either, it could go the opposite way. Just do what you do to show your love, but don't expect you'll always get something in return.