In the End..

[GizMo567]

I guess in the end of a relationship, we look back wishing things were different. Wishing things would go back to "normal". We all long for them to come back and be with us as we love them so much.

 

Unfortunately for most of us it's a cold and sad reality that we must deal with everyday. The very thought of them not being there. Not walking through that same door, not calling, not holding you the way you used to be held.

 

Those memories scar us and cuts us a little everyday even without realizing it. The difficulty of having to be alone, still wanting them hurts and at times pain is so unbearable that even the sound of there name makes you gasp and the flood of old memories comes creeping into your mind.

 

The end is something that we dread, that we dont ever want to encounter, and certainly dont ever want to think about. It's rough having to pick up the remaining pieces that were broken. A shattered heart is hard to put back together. After all, the person that held it threw it against a wall with all there strength then decided to step on it...Well at least thats how it feels.

 

I am creating this thread for people to talk about the end of the relationship, the pain, the heartache, in hopes that pouring out your story will help you heal. Even a little.

 

Hopefully after writing the ending, it will start the healing process. That once you tell it, your heart starts to be put back together. Piece by piece. And then maybe, just maybe, this ending will be your new beginning.

 

So please, if it helps, tell me your ending.

 

GizMo567

[mrvaughn]

It ended with her telling me it was all my fault that we weren't together. That I had "pushed her away" by always wanting to talk about 'it' when she wasn't ready.

 

The truth was that I wanted to always bring up the subject because I had suspicions that she was lying to me about something major, and I wanted to give her the opportunity to come clean. It had to come from her, not me telling her i knew. I needed to trust her...She never did...

 

I know now that she just used me for attention etc. She told more lies about me to people we know in common. Not surprising really considering everthing I now know about her.

 

Still, for her to try and blame me is a joke...she knows herself who is to blame & i'm glad we never got going in a relationship She has mental health issues.

[celestial262]

My ending ? No future hopes and it hurts like hell. Wished we didn't get together in the first place !!!!!!!! Never felt so much pain after the death of my beloved grandma. I wished things would be different, who doesn't? It's way too late to 'save' anything, 70% the realtionship failed was because of my fault.. I didnt realised I was hurting him so bad.

 

He's done !

[Heather74]

There is so much history with my ex and I. I don't know that I've ever loved anyone this much, or been this hurt by anyone. At times the emotions almost feel unbearable, like I'm never going to be ok again. I'm not sure how. I pray all the time that I can just get to the place where everything doesn't remind me of him. The stupidest things-watching someone play a guitar, someone with eyes like his, a book, a smell, a time or event that we were supposed to be together. The holidays were especially hard. I just want to feel like my old self again, who I was before him.

[deeleythecat]

Ive never felt this bad about losing anyone. My relationship was short lived compared with previous ones which have lasted 3-4 times longer.

 

I really dont know what it is - whether I really thought she was my soul mate, or whether shes seeing someone else, or whether its because she lied and destroyed all my trust thats hurting me so bad. Maybe its all of these.

 

People say Im better off and I know in the future I will be better off without her in my life. There were too many things that would have resulted in this same outcome - a hideous break up after 10 months is better than after several years right?

 

My biggest issue is that Ive lost myself - I have no idea what I wantto do, what I liked doing and how I can begin to have hope again. I thought I was getting better but Im just as bad as I was a few weeks ago.

 

I keep reminiscing and theres so many things we did its hard to avoid common things - this hurts a lot. Like deleting games on xbox which we played together, clearing away old gifts, archiving pictures etc. Its horrible.

 

Im trying to block her out of my thoughts but shes with me everywhere I go.

 

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Id give BUT anything to feel like this.

[newinvention]

The end for me came because I realized I could no longer take her mixed signals. I initiated the breakup but never wanted to. It was as if something inside of me went on autopilot and said, "You can't put up with this anymore."

 

I didn't want to breakup with her, but realized she was faking it and I didn't want that anymore. The only reason we lasted as long as we did was because she continued to lead me on out of fear of being alone, and I was just too patient.

 

She told me how much she loved me, but she never did love me. She is a selfish person who used me.

[SayWhen]

Well, I was blindsided by my break-up when it happened. There were no signs. In fact, the morning before he ended it we were cuddling in bed, making out, cooking breakfast together and exchanging "I Love Yous." Yeah, riddle me as to how that very evening I could come home and within five seconds of walking in the door he could blurt out "we need to break up." To put it lightly, I was shocked. I spent the next few days crying and feeling like my life had been de-railed. I don't think I will every fully understand why he ended it. The reasons he gave me ranged from "I just can't be in a relationship right now" to "I want to do dangerous things and I don't want you to do them with me." I think what it boils down to is that he is not ready to put forth selflessness, and he needs to be single. Of course, I still felt like I was defective, unwanted and worthless...at least for a moment.

 

It's been a bit more than a month now and I am in a better place. I still think about him, but not at all in a pining manner. Mostly, in anger. I am angry because I feel like he set a standard in my eyes in terms of relationships that I will have such a hard time meeting again. My time spent with him was pretty damn good. There were a lot of red flags but I thought the fact that we overcame those things together meant we were a team, a couple. Of course, most of it was a lie, because the most revealing thing he said when he ended it was "it never felt right, but I thought it would feel right eventually...so a lot of the time I was pretending. I thought that's what couples do." WHAT?! Obviously I am better off without him...but I do wish his "acting" was not as convincing and encompassing for me as it was!

[newinvention]

He's an a-hole - - just like my ex. She was a great actress too.

[bish0p2004]

I can't really say for sure why our relationship ended. I was afraid of commitment and she wanted marriage.

 

I broke up with her when she started to push me away, but then I met with her after 3 weeks apart and very low LC, and we talked about getting back together. However, I was still uncertain because I didn't like the feelings I had towards her and I didn't want to give her anymore power then she already had. She told me to go home and think about it (I knew that's when her ego had gotten too big).

 

So, I left to think about it and I decided it was best if I never called her again. However, she messaged me a week later and I saw her again. I became needy and possessive for some reason, and I tried to make her jealous which only angered her.

 

A few days later, I found out she had hung out with a guy she met online and I decided to end things completely. She was indifferent to this. Something clicked and I got desperate, then angry and said the nastiest things to her. I apologized for this the next day, but the damage was done. I tried to reconcile a week later, but she said that she couldn't because all I wanted was sex, said mean things to her, and the new guy is different, nice, and already says he loves her.

 

Tried to leave things on good terms and we almost did; however, she messaged me 3 days later to check up on me, and I gave her an ultimatum because I refused to compete with the new guy. She told me that I was no competition to which I replied "okay."

 

She contacted me again 2 1/2 weeks later on Facebook to see how I was doing, and I apologized for my previous actions again and wished her well...she did not reply.

[Tasha1675]

It's 11 weeks since my ex broke things off with me. It was the worst day of my life - and probably his too as to top it off it was his birthday.

 

He is 27 and I am 28. We started off having a long distance relationship where we saw each other every weekend. A year into the relationship, we had moved in together and he was talking about marriage and about him wanting to find a career in which he'd be able to support me when we had children - all this was music to my ears!

 

After another 6 months, we moved into a tiny studio flat and his careers ideas kept changing. One minute he wanted to study Law & get a career to support me when we had a family, then he dropped that idea and started thinking about Medicine as a career (he's very clever but doesn't know what to do with his life). I was getting a little frustrated as all his plans were being made without me. He was starting a science course and I was doing a job which i really hated, had no friends where we were living and was missing all my friends and family at home. To top it all off, when i asked him if he still saw us having a future, he couldn't answer me. This upset me and I started to worry that we didn't want the same things any more.

 

Then one night, he broke down crying saying although he really loved me, he couldn't see us having a future together. He made lots of excuses and i actually reasoned with him that these reasons were silly as we were happy with each other and loved each other. We decided not to break up but he said that he didn't know what men did in this situation and when i asked what he meant, he said his dad had affairs! So then he said he looked at other women and was wanting to have sex with them even though he loved me. We let things settle for a couple of days, but then on his birthday, i said i needed to know if he felt it was worth talking through these thoughts he was having and trying to work it out and he said no! He said he wasn't ready to settle down and he thought if we stayed together he would eventually cheat on me! I couldn't believe it and I said, 'so you are telling me this but you love me?' and he said, 'you should know i do by now'. So we broke up, and when i said goodbye to him i told him i loved him and he said he loved me too. I really believe he did love me as well.

 

I moved out immediately and picked my things up while he was at work. He had thrown lots of my belongings in a cupboard including my pillow and the sheets we'd slept on and my hairdryer etc - it looked as if he felt i'd wronged him in some way which i really hadn't!

I moved back to home, left my job and had to start again from scratch.

 

He hasn't spoken to me since and i miss him and love him so much! I really thought he was "the one". I feel as though i ruined it with my questions about the future and i was pretty unhappy living away from my friends and family. I relied on him for everything which i think put the pressure on us and that combined with his lack of direction didn't help. I just thought we'd get through anything if we loved each other but i guess he really just thought he'd cheat - his dad had lots of affairs which maybe affected him. I don't know!

 

We were together for two years. I've had no real closure as he said he loved me. The 'no contact' has been awful because he must realise my life has changed completely and he didn't even bother to check i'm alright and coping. Everyone says it is for the best and I know deep down it is.

 

11 weeks since the break up and I'm definitely doing better than when it first happened - I have a new job and lots of new plans. He's just the one thing missing now. It sucks!

[JonasWaingaro]

^^^^ This. With a detail changed here and there (like gender hehe and she never said the acting deal but flirting like mad days after ain't a great sigh) and this is my end. I also got 'I won't tell anyone we are broken up.' er....huh?! Really well put on the emotional aftermath. 'Defective' is pretty much how I feel to this day.

[LovelySoul]

Tasha: you deserve better than that!!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

The end for me came because I realized I could no longer take her mixed signals. I initiated the breakup but never wanted to. It was as if something inside of me went on autopilot and said, "You can't put up with this anymore."

 

I didn't want to breakup with her, but realized she was faking it and I didn't want that anymore. The only reason we lasted as long as we did was because she continued to lead me on out of fear of being alone, and I was just too patient.

 

She told me how much she loved me, but she never did love me. She is a selfish person who used me.

 

Being used is never a pleasant feeling..sadly there are a lot of users out there who pull out what they want from the other person and give nothing or very little in return. You will get over it in time...it really smarts to know you have been used and for a while you may feel foolish, but over time you will realize that at least you knew how to love and feel for someone. Users don't seem to have the capacity to really feel for people, they are just desperate to take, take take. I have met so many users in my life and none of them are very happy, content people because they are always looking at people from the angle of "what can they do for me". In the end they really miss out on the joy of love and making others happy.

[Tasha1675]

Thanks LovelySoul! I know I do, honestly he changed into a completely different person to the one I thought I knew over the week we broke up. I hate what he said and wish he didn't see himself doing those things. I definitely deserve someone with full commitment, but I still love him aaggh!!

[GizMo567]

It's sad to see the relationships end in such a way. I just hope that each of you have found a way to heal. Please feel free to continue sharing your stories..

[BraveStar]

I could tell that something had been wrong for a little while but no matter how many times I tried to talk to her she said everything was fine and told me she loved me. I was planning on going back to spend a weekend with my family and she said she couldn't come seeing as a friend of hers happened to be in town. Again she assured me that nothing was wrong and that she loved me.

 

I came back on the Sunday and she was acting very strange. I had booked the next couple of days off work so we could spend a bit of time together but the next morning as soon as we woke up I got the "we need to talk". She told me how she thought that things had changed and that there was no way that they could get better. I explained how I thought it had been down to the stress she was going through, as she was coming to the end of her training, applying for jobs, entering the real world and the fact that I really hated my job. She denied that any of this was stressing her out and she couldn't tell me what it was because she didn't know. I suggested that since we were now talking about things we could try together to fix things, she said a flat out no. She then went to work and when she came home we started going over everything again. She decided she needed some space and went to stay with a friend for a couple of days.

 

We met up the next day and had a really nice time together but we again ended up talking about things a lot. She said she couldn't give me anything more than it was her who had changed, nothing to do with me, she didn't know if living together was the best thing for us and that she wasn't ready for all of this (she was the one who told me she loved my after 3 weeks, she asked me to move in with her, that she had never wanted kids before she met me but she wanted mine). She promised me that there was no one else and she had never cheated on me. I still don't know if I believe this.

 

I went to work the next day, which was probably the worst day of my life, we had planned for her to come back to our place that evening and we would sort things out. She came over and yet again we went through everything and I didn't get any answers. She finally ended it and that night I drove down to my parents. Those 3 days were pure hell for me and I hope I never have to go through something like that again.

 

I found out a couple of weeks ago that for the last few months she has been seeing this guy who appeared on the scene as a "friend" not long before we broke up. I had been suspicious of him but she assured me there was nothing to worry about and that she didn't find him attractive. She started to get annoyed with me because I was still uncomfortable with it. Ever since the day we broke up she only ever contacted me to sort out our flat and bills. I feel like I meant nothing to her and maybe I didn't. Just writing this makes me feel really anxious again.

[Alstott Fan]

BraveStar, my wife did the same thing to me after 10 years together. Know this, it isn't your fault and there's nothing you could have done or said to change it. The major flaw lies within her and not you. This thread my help you a little bit, but be warned that there are a few posters in it who don't suffer these type of people lightly, me being one of them.

 

 

 

Hope this helps.

[abandoned, too]

BraveStar,

 

I just quoted all the parts of your post that could have been written by me in regards to the end of my relationship with my ex. It's absolutely flabbergasting to see someone else describe exactly how my relationship ended too! Guess it just goes to show that this is simply the way of the world.

 

It sounds like your ex was a "user" like mine. A selfish person that wants to live together when it's convenient, love you when it's convenient, and then high-tail it out of there at the first sign of choppy waters.

 

My only words of encouragement are that this type of behavior is borderline sociopathic, and you should feel like you dodged a bullet getting out of that situation. The biggest thing that has helped me get over my ex is now realized what a scummy person she is. She also has only contacted me regarding bills on our apartment, and in a nasty way, too. I won't go into further details, but I have realized that my ex is a horrible selfish person, and quite frankly, it becomes very difficult to pine after or miss someone like that.

[dandan78]

Should have seen it coming in the week that we spent solely together. She was cold and went very quiet when I brought up the subject of us moving in together. Little did I know till much later that she was already having an emotional affair with someone else.

The following week we hardly saw each other and had a petty argument over it. She ended it by text!