Getting unstuck on Christmas day

[rapunzel]

Well, like most days I found myself in tears again this morning, feeling sorry for myself. Alone on Christmas morning, feeling like the future is hopeless, I was such an idiot for blowing it with whats-his-name, it's all my fault, he doesn't think about me AT ALL, blah blah blah.

 

Still in tears just writing that - all it is is FEAR. One word - FEAR. FEAR makes me cry. It's a safe place to be as I'm so used to feeling fearful and depressed and I know it SO well so I find it comforting somehow. But I can't stay here, just because I know it so well doesn't mean it's good for me.

 

I know this FEAR is just made up in my head, it's not real. In fact, I don't have anything to be particularly fearful about. I have a roof over my head, I'm well fed, I have a ton of money in the bank and I have good health (well, except emotionally.....at the moment). I'm employed and although I do have fears that I've let my career flounder, I have enough money that I could probably get by for the rest of my life going along as I have. I don't have a man in my life and the last one didn't work out but it doesn't mean I am doomed forever.

 

I've been imagining him having this romantic Christmas with his new young girlfriend but I have no idea what he is doing, where he is, if he is with her or not, etc. I'm making it all up and it's not real. I do know he has a show tomorrow night in town with our other singer, and if I was feeling better, I'd go (I actually am very interested to hear them....) but at this point, I think I should avoid it.

 

So I'm going to get off ENA, put on some music and dance around my apartment for 30 minutes. It always me feel SO much better. Then I'll take a shower, wrap some Christmas gifts, and head over to my mother's house where my family will be. I'll go for a hike with my sister's fiancee, he suggested it at the Christmas Eve party last night. I will not let the past ruin the present. I can change the way I think. And I will just let this fear go, and just be happy that the sun is out, there is some snow on the ground and I will have fun with my nephews and the rest of my family today.

 

Merry Christmas to all! See I already feel better!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You have a lot going for you. One important thing is that your career has allowed you to have enough money to be set for life. I wish I could say the same. Despite my career looking good on paper, I have had many many lean years where it didn't take off and my savings have suffered for it. I am very worried about my future and I hope my health will be okay long past 65 so that I can continue working. Having nobody is not the ideal, but at least you know that you are very comfortable financially on your own. That is something to feel grateful for.

[rapunzel]

Thanks CAD, I am not set for life but I'm frugal and I've been able to save a fair amount of money, and I do plan to work as long as I can. I am not set to inherit anything and I don't have children so I have to prepare...

 

But money certainly isn't everything. I'm sorry you are worried about your future...I am worried about being lonely and depressed, so I'm not sure which is worse.