MarkD Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 My GF (not even sure if she is an ex yet?) have gone through some serious problems in the last month. There are many problems that all came up at once. For her, she was in exams, some trust issues came up at the same time, we are in long distance and havnt been able to see eachother for 2 months...and the Holidays are really hard on her since she just lost her Mom and sister to a fatal car crash just over a year ago. She has basically cut me off...She hasnt closed the door completely, but not giving me signs of wanting to work on us either. We were suppose to spend Christmas with my family and then go to her family right after. She told me that right now she is just really annoyed with the situation and needs to be with her family. I asked her if I was invited to spend Christmas with her and she said "we have a lot to talk about, and Chritmas is not the time". I felt like I was the one that kept pushing for answers, so I backed off. We use to txt eachother constantly, and now we havnt had any contact for around a week or so. We are both very stubborn. I dont want to push and always be the one trying to make contact and get answers, but I dont know how to move forward not knowing whats going on between us. This anxiety is making me crazy.... Link to comment
JusticeLaw9 Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 You said in the beginning of your post that "trust issues" came up, which might not be a good sign for the direction your relationship could be headed in. But of course that can all depend, what happen exactly? Link to comment
MarkD Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 I mentioned it in another post, but I will explain again. Her friends showed her that I still had a profile on a singles site. The profile was from when we were not dating...I removed all my pictures, and blocked all incoming messages, but just never deleted it cause I stopped using it. Also, one day we were looking at pictures on my laptop on facebook and this girl I hardly know sends me a message saying "hey hun". I thought we resolved that issue, but it came up again when she mentioned the singles site. I explained the situation with the site and the girl but she says she is not sure if she can wipe that from her mind and continue to trust me. It doesn't help that we are in long distance since she is in school thats around 4 hours away. In our conversations, she keeps going back to how she misses being with her family and doesnt see a future in the city I live in (that was the plan for her to move here after school). I am not sure what to think since there are so many ways this could go, and it also doesnt help that she has a hard time sharing her feelings. I love her soooo much. We lived together for around 4 months and it was AMAZING! Everything was perfect all the way up to the end of November. Now everything seems to be falling apart, including me. Link to comment
luminousone Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Best thing to do-- Acknowledge that this is a very very hard time for someone who lost a few family members. Grieving takes a long time and one never completely gets over a premature death of a loved one. This is something your gf is going through, and sometimes it might mean that she is distancing herself from others she loves to protect herself against more loss. Now, in terms of the Facebook incidents. You have some serious work to do to show her that you are trustworthy and committed to a monogamous relationship. If you have not already changed your status on all of your accounts, then I would suggest you do so now. If that is what you want. Then, you can consider telling your gf that moving forward she can read any messages because you have nothing to hide. And if you do get flirtatious messages, you can write back to say that you are in a committed relationship now and anything they send to you may be read by your gf. If you are not willing to take those measures (and some people are not at that level in their relationship) then it is very very important for you to be honest with your gf and with yourself. If you still want to play the field then let your gf know. She may end up going elsewhere and ending things with you, but in the end if you committ to the relationship before you are truly ready then you are looking for trouble somewhere down the road. You owe it to her and to yourself to be honest and authentic. So now is the time to be searching yourself about what you truly want. It sounds a little like your gf is getting ready to break up with you, so you might want to be prepared for that... But this advice is good for other relationships as well. The main thing is figuring out what you want, and being open and honest about it. Sometimes people walk away when they find out, but isn't that better than being in a relationship out of false pretenses? Keep us posted... Link to comment
MarkD Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 I am completely commited. I had my facebook status set to "in a relationship" and was proud of it. I took the time to delete the singles site profile... I am willing to do whatever it takes to move forward and build the trust. I have reinforced the fact that I am always here for her to cry on my shoulder or just to listen. I never meant for this to happen...I (for the first time) was done with playing the field. We had already talked about being married, and our lives together forever. We were both onboard. I am scared that she got scared and will take the option of walking away and not wanting to try and work things out just because that may seem like the easier road right now. It hurts to not be there for her right now during the holidays because I know she must be in a lot of emotional pain. This hurts so bad... Link to comment
tina-rocks Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 I am so sorry MarkD you are still experiencing this pain. I was hoping you would have both been able to sort everything out. The only suggestion now, is giving her space and more time to digest everything that has happened to her in the last year. I know you are in pain but you need to take your mind of this by keeping busy. Go out with friends and spend time with your family for they will be able to help you get passed this stage. I truly don't believe all is lost for you both, she is just hurting at the moment and time will help her to heal those wounds. Be strong you will get through this and come out the other side this I promise you. Christina x Link to comment
MarkD Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 Thanks Christina... Like I said, I am commited to do everything it takes for us to move forward. I am just really scared... I am a sensitive kinda guy and I really dont do well with stuff like this. It destroys me Link to comment
tina-rocks Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 I know how much you love her and understand you are totally committed to turning this around, and it's natural you feel scared because of this feeling. I honestly believe you will sort this out as there is strong love on both sides, she is just angry at the moment and this is being coupled with the loss. Give her time and continue to be there for her. But, don't just wait around keep busy as it will help you get through this. you are a lot stronger than you are giving yourself credit for. You can do this I know you can. Have faith Christina x Thanks Christina... Like I said, I am commited to do everything it takes for us to move forward. I am just really scared... I am a sensitive kinda guy and I really dont do well with stuff like this. It destroys me Link to comment
MarkD Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 I am definitely doing my best. I have been spending a lot of time with my family which is great because my Mom just lost her Sister last month and she really likes having me around. I didnt want to annoy my friends at first because all I wanted to do was talk about the situation and be a downer. I have a good friend who went through some difficult times with his ex who cheated on him and I was there for him...he is great cause he knows how difficult it can be with the pain and anxiety. I feel comfertable hanging out with him. I want to make sure I dont block everyone out though...If anything, I need to make some new friends and keep myself busy with anything and everything. The "no contact" is so difficult....but thanks again for the motivation Link to comment
tina-rocks Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 I am so sorry to hear your mums sister passed, but I am so glad you are there for her. Shows what a lovely person you are. I know this hard honestly and I am glad you have someone you can relate to during this time. I'm always here too if you ever need to talk. Christina Link to comment
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