I did it today, too, and I realize that he's actually given me a gift.

[Wonderment]

The gift of telling me it's over.

 

Only, I know him, and I know him well.

 

and I know he loves me, and I know he thinks of me often and will continue to do so in the near future.

 

and I think that today, when he told me if really was over, he was simply having a confident day and felt that old security that Im groveling and he has all power.

 

So, I told him last words (online, and he was offline, so we didnt actually speak during my last words)

 

and I released it all and let go.

 

I read in another post, "Letting go is the natural release which always follows the realization that holding on is an energy drain and it hurts. Letting go happens effortlessly when there is no other choice."

 

and I feel like he's given me no other choice. so, its been pretty effortless and I feel myself, already, taking steps.. allowing myself to feel my panic, letting myself grovel a little.. and going through the actual process of moving towards done. My feelings are already changing. I am not putting him on a pedestal and actually weigh out and remember the bad... which is good.

 

 

But you know what also? I did not put him in the position of "letting go is effortless when you know theres no other choice"

 

So, I am positive it will not be as effortless to really get over me, heal and move on. I know he'll hold ideas of "I can contact her in the future and she'll want me back"

 

Except, for the first time in a looooong while, I am actually allowing myself to FEEL and experience and grieve and heal and .. let go.

[Ms Darcy]

You are going through very normal post-break up ups and downs. Hang in there.

[pacopaco]

Good for you. Those emotions are important to go through and sometimes we must. You may feel different tomorrow like you've may have made a mistake and it will hurt, but keep going. Like Winston Churchill said "If you're going through hell, keep going."

[Wonderment]

I am, cant sleep very good tonight and twisted as it sounds.. I'm actually feeling a little glimmer of recovery during my panic moments and knowing that this panic is one step closer to "I'm the one who's made a choice that I can't go back" and that this is one panic moment thats happening or done.

 

Im going to bed, to cry now, but you know what, it will be releasing and thats one more cry out of the way and done.

[Wonderment]

Oh and-- cant remember where I read it here or loveshack but someones said that the bad moments are your body perceiving that its in danger so your mind is acting accordingly.. and ya know.. thats helped. A lot. Because I know Im experiencing some actual real things and that as I move out of "danger" my mind and feelings will follow.

 

Pretty soon, I think, I will perceive danger when I see/ hear from him and my mind will want the opposite of what it wants now.

[Wonderment]

pacopaco, yeah, I think we must in order to really heal. we cant jump over and escape the hurt, we have to actually go thru it. The jumping over and trying to escape it part, for me, was the last several months while we still called it a "relationship"

[pacopaco]

pacopaco, yeah, I think we must in order to really heal. we cant jump over and escape the hurt, we have to actually go thru it. The jumping over and trying to escape it part, for me, was the last several months while we still called it a "relationship"

 

that's absolutely true. A good cry helps too. I've done it...plenty of times and I've always felt better. I've been wanting to cry as of late, but I just can't. Crying is cleansing of the soul and it is good for you under some circumstances.

[Wonderment]

ugh. more hurt this morning after looking at facebook stuff. I see that he spent the day shopping with the ex he left me for last january.

 

I know he isnt worthy of me, I know he has a pattern of this stuff.. and I know she burnt him badly and she doesnt want him. but he really liked her and he'll be the one who's starting this waiting game now and feel all the feelings I felt while I waited for him all these months and he'll be burnt again. so.. that almost makes me feel good.

 

I know he isnt worthy of me and that helps too

[JBaker]

Try to avoid looking at his facebook, &ct. Nothing good ever comes of it.

[OptomisticGirl]

I had a release myself last night and I know there are going to be days where I miss him and maybe even want him back.. but its the healing stage. Strong strong. Keep a journal for yourself like I do. You can do it girl.

 

PM me anytime if you need to talk!

[Wonderment]

PM'd you OG