Holiday Plans with your SO

[confused25]

So I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and we are both in our late 20's. All of his family and relatives live around in the same area as us but my family is about 350 miles away in another state. We never really discussed our holiday plans and I'm still debating whether or not I want to drive 350 miles home for Christmas, since we live in an area where snow could be a problem. It will probably end up being a last minute decision. If the weather turns out to be bad, I might just stick around but risk not having anything going on. Should I be bothered that my bf never actually offered to have me over for Christmas? It seems like all of my close friends have made plans to spend the holiday with each other's families except for me and I am feeling really sad about that. I dunno I guess I always assumed that if he knows my family live so far away that he would at least offer me to spend the holiday with his family, but I guess it goes both ways. I can't just bring it up and invite myself over unless he invites me. Would this bother you too?

[FathomFear]

It goes both ways. If you never took any initiative to invite him then you can't really blame him for not doing the same.

 

Have you met his family before?

[Dinka]

Also remember that, if he WOULD invite you, he'd be inviting you to SOMEONE ELSE'S home, his parents' home. Perhaps he doesn't feel comfortable doing that without getting an okay from them first...and who knows if he feels comfortable asking for it?

 

I wouldn't be offended that he doesn't invite you over. But perhaps you can bring it up to him: have you actually let him know you're not sure if you're going home for the holidays? He may not want to infringe on your own plans and family traditions.

[CBG]

Why do you need an invitation? You've been with him long enough now that it would seem expected you are welcome. I have never invited my gf and we'll have been together 2 years next month. I know that I don't have to because she knows she is welcome with my family. We discuss plans, but that's it. He may feel that way. Sounds like you two should have brought up the subject of holiday plans a while ago. He may have just assumed you were going to go to your family.

[_Asti_]

A few things came to my mind.

 

1. He would assume you'd go with him if you weren't going home. Do you specifically feel the need for a formal invite from him? Or do you think its just assumed you'd go with him?

2. It wasn't discussed further, and he hasn't invited you because he thinks you're both doing separate things.

 

Have you told him that you may not go home?

Is there any possible way of saying "So I'm thinking I may not go home for Christmas for whatever reason.." and then ask.

Maybe he just hasn't formally asked you because your plans are up in the air.

 

Do you really think he would leave you sitting alone at Christmas if you don't go home? I doubt it.

[alli]

My bf & I didn't "invite" each other, but we've been together long enough (almost 2 years) that we don't need to invite each other, we just plan on being together. Then again, we discuss the plan & how we're going to go to my parent's first, then his, when & we will go to each & everything.

 

If you don't know then bring it up. "So what's the plan for Christmas then?". I would think he would just assume you are coming since you've been together so long, unless things aren't going well and you have reason to believe he wouldn't want you there.

[confused25]

Thanks everyone for your quick responses!

 

I was never really formally introduced to his parents, meaning, I was never invited to his house for dinner or any events so his parents can meet me. I met them because they came over to his place the one time to drop off something and I just happened to be there. I've met them several times after that but it was always because they needed to get something done at his place. I always thought that it was weird that he never invites me over to his parents' house for dinner. We were both hanging out at his place the one weekend and he had to leave to go to his mom's birthday dinner at their house. He didn't extend the invitation, so I just ended up going back to my apt. That was maybe about a month or two ago. Wouldn't you be a bit offended? I don't go home that often because my parents live so far away. The last time I went home was Thanksgiving in 2008 and I didn't invite him because we had just started dating.

 

I know that it goes both ways but it's kind of different in my situation I think, because my family lives so far away. I think if the situation were to be reversed, I would have definitely invited him over to my parents' house if they live so close.

 

I dunno maybe I just feel that I am not all that important to him since he never really makes the effort for his family to get to know me.

[_Asti_]

Well, why not invite yourself? Make the effort and say that if you don't go home, can you go to his parents place for dinner.

 

Its been a year, should it not be time for you to be spending some half decent time with his family?

I think itd be pretty awful of him to leave you alone at home on Christmas. I'd definitely wonder whats up.

[Dinka]

Perhaps tell him that you'd like to REALLY meet his parents and that the holidays might provide a good opportunity for that! That way you're not exactly "inviting yourself," but you're letting him know you're interested in doing this.