Feeling totally confused!!! My life is a disaster.

[kalobaby]

Hi everyone. Anyone has ever felt as if they are simply passign through life. Well that is exactly how I feel right now. I am totally down and depressed. A lot of things have been happening to me for the past months or so. I just change my job about a month ago. I had been working for the same company over 4 years, and one day everything ended and what is bothering me is that things did not end very nice. I would say they ended pretty awckward. So that has me pretty down. Then my other job it's ok, i do not alot and it's ok, but I do not feel challange and I miss my other job a lot. And I am also going to financial problems, I do not have enough money to cover all my bills. Then I have school, I am a junior in a CalStateUniversity, I am doing awfully bad in most of my classes, I am not doing my homework, and i have been missing school a lot, due to my "boyfriend". BF which is another BIG problem, I have been going out with this guy for over four years, he's 17 years older than me, but the problem does not stop there he's married, and has two kids. Yeah I know this is totally wrong, but it feels so right. I think this is what is bringing the most frustation and hopelessness to my life. We have been waiting for over three years for "something" to happen and nothing we are still the same, only seeing each other when we can and that's all. I am so sad, deppressed, confused. I know I have to wake up tomorrow and go to work and pretend that everythign is fine in my life, when in reality I am dying inside. People that see me and "know" me have no idea what is going on inside me, to everyone else I am very happy person that has everything she has ever wanted. I feel so lonely and desperate. I can't cry 'cause my parents will ask me why, and of course I cannot tell them that I am crying for the married guy that accordign to them ruined their daughter's life. I feel that everything is going wrong in my life and I know what to do the problem is that I do not feel like doing the right thing, or doing nothing for that matter. I want to cry, but I feel so empty inside. After reading this you will be able to see how confused and unstable I am, please tell me how do I motivate myself to do the right thing you know, like for starters leavign my love affair aside even though I do not know how to live without him, how to start all over again. I do not want to die, but I feel such a great apathy for life that it's really bad. I worry about not getting good grades @ school but yet I feel like not doing a thing to make them better. I feel like quiting my job but have too many bills to pay. Help!!! please help me!!! I need help, I want to cry but i can't I really need help.

[jasminebose]

Hi,

I really feel for you. It sounds like this relationship with a married guy has a lot to answer for. It seems like for some reason you have fallen for a guy you can't have, maybe becasue you don't think you can have someone just for you or maybe becasue you aren't ready for the commitment that having a guy who was just yours would bring. Either way, it is casung you to feel depressed and lowering your self esteem. whether you believe it or not, you deserve better than this and are too young to be trapped into a relationship that is going no where. until you let this guy go you have no chance of moving on with your life. I think you should end it with him and rely on your parents are friends to get you through this, it will be hard but you have to face up to facts...if he hasn't left her yet, he is not going to. Is this really what you want? You need to make a clean break and put all your energy into your school work.

As for the job situation, don't worry about that now. I think if you concentrate on your education when your course is over you will be able to choose better jobs on the basis of your degree. do whatever you have to do to get to that point. It won't be like this forever. good luck

JZ

[Mr. Good Man]

Jasminebose gave you wonderful advice and I'm going to take it further.

 

Everything you do begins and ends with a choice. My question to you is, "What is going on in your life that made you feel it was okay to get involved with a married man?" I'm not blaming you just want you to identify why you're with him.

 

Also, while it's great to have a job you like sometimes you have to do what you got to do to make ends meet. Sometimes, the ends don't meet! Trust me I know.

 

Here's what you don't want to hear! Your male friend is using you! If he is married and hasn't gotten a divorce yet and still living with his wife what does that tell you?

 

You do deserve much better and are too young for the drama in your life. Your focus should be on school. Yeah, I know it's boring and can be difficult at times. But, it's your ticket to providing you with more options.

 

The best advice I can give you is to stay positive, focus on achieving a goal, spend time getting to know you and find a friend you can talk too.

[jasminebose]

Mr good man- am fine at giving advice but not so good at figuring out what to do for my own situations!! Agreed with your advice too.

Please read my post 'is this how its supposed to be?' and see if you have any more ideas up your sleeve!

JZ

[Caldus]

kalobaby: Listen to what the others have to say. I agree with them. If this guy is already married, then you need to reconsider the true reason why you are with him and consider getting him out of your life. It sounds like he is the main cause of it. Because of him, you are doing bad in school. And you're feeling careless about everything as a result of a seeing him most likely. And your chances of passing school are becoming smaller and smaller. If you let this apathy continue to develop, then things are just going to get worse. I wouldn't say stop seeing the man, but I would definitely say that you should really think over this and figure out what you need to do in order to concentrate in school again. Remember, anyone is capable of acheiving good grades if they put their mind into it.