What happened to the person I fell in love with

[tphoward26]

I have been married for 5 years, I'm 31 years old, I have a 2 1/2 year old son, a nice home, nice vehicles, nice neighborhood, great paying job. There is nothing in life that I want now, except for my wife to be happy. It seems to be an impossible task, nothing seems to make her happy. I work my fingers to the bone, (She worrys about money all the time, don't ask me why) It dosen't seem to make any difference how hard i'm working, or what I have going on, she will loose it on the simplest things. Example, her check-engine light came on in her car, 4 days later, when I could make time, I took the car to Autozone to have them tell me what was wrong, they printed out a check-list of things to test to figure out the problem. I had a friend that is an ASE mechanic come to my house with his tools, I went to get the list and she didn't have it, she couldn't find it anywhere. I didn't make a big deal about it, but unfortunately, we were unable to go any further. I told my friend I would bring the car over as soon as I could. Later that night, I told my wife that it would be Thursday night , (Today was Tuesday) before I could get the car over to his house, her statement was "I guess you don't care about my car or my safety" I have had it with this junk, why work your fingers to the bone, and give your wife ANYTHING she asks for if she is not going to show any respect or appreacation? I'm 2 steps away from talking to a divorce attorney. I know this is a brief message, but if you could imagine every single thing that happens turning into this for 5 years, you would understand how old it could get.

 

Signed,

 

Wish I was in love again.

[kungfumaster]

hi howard,

 

Just wondering - does your wife have a job?? What was her family and economic background before she met you?? Sorry to be so nosey. Just wondering because that would give us a bit of an idea where your wife is coming from maybe, and maybe we could help you a bit more (well, try to anyways).

 

From your post, there is not much to go on - and I would guess your wife is a bit of a princess. I mean, its good that you treat her like a princess, but sometimes, its bad if they don't appreciate.

 

Sorry, I guess I wasn't much help.

Kung fu

[Spirits Away]

ok, i'm 20 yr old male... i don't have the experience of a marriage

 

but I do know why people doesn't appreciate things. Aside from the money issue... working, at least for parents to child relationship, DOES NOT provide an emotional support for the child, or spouse in your case. Don't get that mixed up. I got parents who works 13-14 hours/day but completely neglected me when i was 11-16 years old. They often come to me and say things like "i've worked my ___ off for you and you treat me like dirt" or something similar to that line. (which is exactly your line)But slapping a $100 bill on the table... did not work for me. And I in no sense appreciated their "hardwork"

I'm not sure if i'm in any way addressing your issue, but you might want to think differently about getting appreciation since different people values different things

I think i sounded very judgemental about you, but I just thought that you can't really fix your wife up so u might want to consider changing your perspective and see what she need the most

 

I actually don't know to what degree your spouse cares for money, that i cannot address. I do not know whether solutions such as communicating with her and all that would help

 

There is a reason why so many males wants the woman to be independent and get a job... since they can foresee that money will be an issue

[tarquin]

if it feels so bad that you are thinking divorce then i would urge you to seek professional councelling. If this is too much to spring on her then sit her down and talk with her about your feelings. if she doesnt want to listen then suggest that you are not happy with the relationship and that you want marriage councelling. dont just go on with the marriage pretending that you are happy when you are not, it is a recepe for disaster. be honest with her, she deserves that and she deserves you to listen to her feelings. perhaps she has some deeper need that is not being met - remember seek first to understand, then to be understood. every human being deserves respect and to not have thier feelings belittled. if it is too hard to listen to each other because of the emotion involved or if it just causes an argument then go to a professional, that is what they are for

[Hopingpraying]

 

 

Howard,

 

I am just curious if you and your wife go to church? The only reason I ask is that since my wife left me I have started going to church (its been about three months now) and I really have learned a lot about relationships and marriage. I honestly believe if my wife and I had gone to church I would not be going through a divorce at this time. The things they talk about make you understand what is really important in life.

 

Please think this through before going through with the divorce. I can tell you from experience that it is not a fun ordeal, and maybe you are at the point where you are fed up, but go that extra mile for you and your family. It sucks growing up in a broken home.

 

Good luck!!

[Spirits Away]

Tarquin is right about going to church... They teach how to be more appreciating to one another there. Just leave yourself an open mind about believing in god n such and just realize that going there does no harm but has the potential to benefit in your relationship with her

 

I mean you got to at least change something to have a different results, why not start there?