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I've been married 10 years, separated now for 2 1/2. I want to start dating, but it seems as though EVERY guy I talk with brings up something about SEX in under 20 minutes!!!

I know sex can be an important thing, but GOD! Can't they wait until you've at least had a date or two before bringing up intimacy!!???




There are more important things in life!!!!


ps: The next man I date will be the one who didn't bring it up.

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Not all men are like that. I know it's probably frustrating....but try to think of it as a great filtering mechanism..... be glad that these particular guys are showing you where their minds are early on.... so at least they're not wasting MORE than 20 minutes of your valuable time. They let you know right away that they're not someone that you want to date.


I know you'll find men who don't bring up sex in the first 20 minutes. Hang in there!

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I agree, not all men are like that at all. There are wonderfully sincere and respectful men out there.


Sometimes its difficult to figure out if a person is someone we might be interested in or not. Sounds to me these guys are making that very easy for you - they obviously are not the kind of guy you are looking for..



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CandleInTheWind and Athena is right not all men are like that.


In my opinion, if a man is unable to have a decent conversation without bringing up sex then he's not as mature as he think he is. Plus, he may have his priorities mixed up.


How do I know? I used to think with the wrong head. But I realized there was more to life than sex.


It's okay to date the next man who doesn't bring it up. Just make sure he doesn't put up a facade and show his true self after a few months.


My advice is simple! Take your time and don't rush into anything. It's easy to get into a relationship and very difficult to get out of it! Time is your friend not your enemy.

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Hi Everyone !


This is such a tricky issue !! However, I'll have a go.


First Statement : "Sex in the City"

Have any of you seen that show. I don't know many men that watch it, but most men have a good idea what it's about. It gives off the impression that all many women want is sex - sex first, talk later. It's success as a show can only mean that women everywhere are watching it and agreeing with it.


SO where does that leave men? I know in my wonderful home city of Dublin, the general concensus is that all women are out there looking for sex. Of course, the women won't actually say that - in fact they will probably deny it - but it is actually the truth - no different to men.


As a guy, I want sex nearly all day - well not all day - but a lot of the day !! However, I want a meaningfull relationship more than I want sex. However, there is more chance of getting sex than a meaningful relationship. Also, over here, most meaningful relationships start as sex and people get to like each other then. Not all relationships, but most.


I'd like to sit myself at you table for dinner and examine why I would mention sex. I probably would be nervous as hell about talking about a deep and meaningful relationship with you since you would surely think I am obsessive and probably way too emotional. Perhaps, even not sexual enough - all talk and no action. I woluld make references to sex, but not talk about us having sex - mainly to see your reaction. That would determine where that would go.


Aside from talking about life in general, the conversation drifts towards opinions. Many first dates end in sex - and there is an expectation throughout society that this is what should happen. This goes for both men and women, though both men and women are at fault for that attitude being in existence in the first place. After all, it takes two to tango.


So - the mere mention of sex shouldn't scare you off. If you want to gauge someone on their bringing up the topic, then fire away. However, that is not necessarily a good gauge of the persons true self - since their guard is probably up until some form of trust and comfort with the woman is achieved. The man can't have sex with you by mentioning it the same way as he can't be a father by you mentioning kids in a conversation. Neither of you should be scared by the others comments, as there are sure to be a few mistakes at teh early stages of conversation.


So, while many men will bring it up, it doesn't mean that they are sex crazy. You can take what you want from their comments, but you can be sure that they are trying to say what they think is right for the moment.


This is of course the good men we are talking about. The bad ones will act the same - though you will have to learn how to differentiate between them.


My point is that both good and bad guys will bring up sex, and you can't use that criteria to discard them - because in the process you are loosing the good guys too !!! You must take the comments and use the moments to figure out what sort of intentions a particular guy has - then you can make a sound decision on whether you should discard him from your list of potentials or not !!


Good men talk about sex too remember !



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Under what circumstances are you meeting these men? I suppose when most men date, at some point sex must be on their minds. But I am a bit surprised that they can only contain themselves from mentioning it for as long as you say.


As some of the other posters have said, not all men are like that. Perhaps try meeting in different places.


Charmed raises some interesting points, but I'm not quite sure if I agree with all of them. It's possible to have meaning relationships without ever reverting to sex, but perhaps I view the meaning of relationship as different from most. In fact, I know I do. But, it's possible to have good friends of the opposite gender and not have sex or even really desire sex with them.


Also, I should think that a 'good' man will identify before he ever mentions sex that it is not an appropriate topic for conversation by reading your attitude and sensing your frame of mind. I sort of figure is a couple can't discuss or not discuss sex at the appropriate times, then they are likely not going to be compatible in that regard.


Do these guys actually come right out and make relatively blunt statements? Or do they subtly try to get it into the conversation. A subtle hint, then backing down if it's not taken well and avoid it from then on I would think would be okay.

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It's sad really, doesn't matter who I talk to, or where I meet them, they ALL bring up sex wayyyyyy toooo soon.


I've been told I radiate a sexual-arua type of thing. I certainly don't TRY to do that.


What can I do to let a man know I am interested, but don't want to talk about sex for awhile?


I mean, I'm not a prude....just know there are more important factors in a relationship that should be addressed FIRST....Like, "What's your name?"



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It's odd, I don't quite get it myself. I only end up talking about it when it's mutually acceptable.


Perhaps you look, or sound sexy, which is not necessarily a bad thing, and is likely not a conscious thing, but something perhaps that does cause some issues, I've no idea.


Certainly curtailing the conversation if it heads in that direction is an option. A polite but firm comment that you do now wish to discuss that particular topic at that point in your dating cycle is also acceptable. Nothing wrong with that at all, any decent guy should immediately understand and talk about something else.


Some guys will like go fishing with a suggestive comment, which sound like what you're trying to avoid.


I don't know, perhaps the best thing might be to just be right up front with it and state at the beginning, if you can, that there are certain topics that you are not comfortable talking about (perhaps you could vaguely elude to some past difficulties) and that sex is one of them.


So, are you trying to say that men don't appear interested in finding out a bit about you first, like job, hobbies, family, interests? Hmm, perhaps I missed a lesson in guy school way back when ... Those seem like such obvious subjects. If you don't ask him about things like that, perhaps you could steer the conversation that way by preempting any topics you don't want to talk about by interceding the topics you do want to talk about.

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Conversations go something like this:



"So, what are your hobbies?"


I say: "Rollerblading"


"How long do you blade for"


I say: "Oh, an hour or two at a time"


"You must get sore.....do you like full body massages?


It's ALWAYS something like that. No matter WHAT the topic, they bring something sexual into it. UGH!!

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Ah sexual innuendo, or connotation...

Some guys think of that as humor ... being funny.


Usually he's being coy and has a smile with that kind of talk right?

Wouldn't he just be trying to test your openness and perhaps playfulness at that time?




I would think that kind of thing is as old as time. Often women would zing back with something sarcastic and funny too.


I think the previous advice is right, set the tone, set the expectations by your reaction to the first occurrence.



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