Why do I remain so darn optimistic?

[Nova32]

I can't explain why I remain so hopeful and optimistic that one day things will work out between her and I. It's neither rational nor constructive for me to feel this way at this time, yet I continue to think about her on a daily basis and I can't shake the gut feeling I have that we'll be together some day. It's the same gut feeling I had when we first met, when I 100% firmly believed upon meeting her that we would have something that would change my life...and I was right. Is this a case of bad timing, or is it just not meant to be?

 

I'm in my mid-20's and working, she's in her early 20's and away at school, and I can emphatically state that a relationship between us would never work at the moment. As much as I would love to be with her, it wouldn't be practical for either of us. But it doesn't stop me from desperately wanting to be with her in the future and believing that she is the person I'm supposed to be with.

 

What we "had" was over a year ago, back in the summer of 2008, and it started out as a friendship. At first she was interested in my best friend and I was the friend she turned to for help and guidance. Things quickly fizzled between the two of them but she and I continued to talk and get to know each other. After a few weeks of texting back and forth and hanging out among friends, we began having long, deep conversations about everything imaginable (3-4 hours at a time, long into the night on the phone); I found myself revealing things I had never dreamt of telling someone else, and our conversations challenged me, expanded my view of the world, and exposed me to new ways of thinking. To put things into perspective, I told her more about myself in a month and a half than I had told my ex-girlfriend of four and a half years. I wanted this girl to know everything about me and neither of us held anything back.

 

There was also a chemistry between us that I had never experienced before and have not experienced since. I can't compare it to any other relationship I've had and I can't explain it. All I know was it was intense and I still feel it to this day. What's even crazier to me is that she revealed to me the same exact feelings I was having before I had the chance to tell her the same things - that she knew right away we were going to become close and develop some sort of relationship; that she immediately felt comfortable talking to me and sharing her innermost thoughts and feelings; that I was on her mind all of the time.

 

I thought, and continue to think, that she was the most beautiful girl physically I had ever met, and we developed a brief physical relationship before she left for school. All of this - the chemistry and connection, the conversations, the brief physical relationship - eventually led her to tell me that she loved me and I felt the same way.

 

However, we both realized that a relationship wouldn't be possible with her away at school, and her time there eventually drove us apart; as a result, we pretty much stopped talking completely midway through her first semester. After not talking for almost eight months, she tried to reconnect with me as a friend this summer, but I couldn't handle just a friendship and I ended up pushing her away. Since then, we've only exchanged very brief emails and we haven't had any contact for over four months - no texts, no phone calls, no facebook friendship, etc.

 

To this day she's the first thing I think about in the morning and pretty much the last thing I think about at night. I cherish the physical closeness we spent together, but it's the conversations and the things we shared with each other that I miss most about her. It's the feeling and comfort that I had found someone who completely understood me and who accepted me for the person I am.

 

Like I've said, we haven't had any contact in a long time and I've tried everything I can to move on. I keep myself busy with work, working out, spending time with my family and friends, and attempting to meet new girls. I've met a few nice ones, but everyone gets compared to her and no one can quite stack up. Maybe I'm not giving them a fair shot, but I have kept an open mind and nothing seems to work.

 

In the pit of my stomach remains the feeling and hope that one day things will work out between us. I can't explain it, but it's always there. It's incredibly frustrating, but at the same time, it gives me great hope and optimism for what the future may hold. Maybe I'm being irrational, unreasonable, naive, stupid, etc., but this is just the way I feel.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

All I can say is to hang in there.....I'm going through something very similar.

[fLuiD]

Its amazing when we find someone like this,huh? Im just not sure why you would push her away when she tried to initiate contact again. It doesn't hurt to at least maintain a friendship while she is away. If she is coming back home from school, I would think that you would want to keep the chemistry and look into possibly dating at that time.

[pancakes62]

I know how you feel man. Like I said in my thread, it makes you feel like this is some sort of test and she's just going to show up any day now to tell you that you passed and she loves you. Crazy, I know, but when you really love someone it totally takes a hold of you and infects everything about you.