Forgiveness to move on.. contact the ex to do so?

[JT]

Its been only two weeks since my ex and I last had words. The words were'nt good, I initiated the breakup. I've been reading this book to see about the best way to move on. Four stages, being anger, sadness, fear and sorrow. Anyways, I was a real jerk when we broke up.. she was'nt being so nice either and thats what prompted me to be such a jerk and say things I did'nt mean. I let it get to me basically. I feel now that I was not a man about it. Anyways, as part of the forgiveness I feel as if I owe her an apology... I think this would help me with my guilt so I could move on. The problem is she told me not to contact her the last time we spoke, she said she hated me, etc.. so I am scared quite frankly to contact her because of that. We were together for two years and I feel bad even though I initiated the breakup. I dont like being hated, and want to at least apologize. Perhaps I should apologize to her.. what do you all think? I had some stuff I left over her house,she gave it to a mutual friend to give back to me so thats a sure sign of what? She wants nothnig more to do with me? Should I consult a mutual friend about it or what? I am so lost and confused about it, but I feel I should at least apologize, but like I said.. I'm scared!

[debisfun]

Give it some more time. An apology at this point will only look like you want another "chance" to work out the relationship.

 

Also, things are still a little to fresh. You risk having the conversation turn back into an argument when you start discussing the issue.

[dragomirescu]

Well, I really understand how you are feeling. I was also very mean with my gf when we broke up.

[Hunney Pooh]

Dear JT,

 

What debisfun suggested is true. It's not the right time to apologize to her yet. As I could remember, one of my ex talked to me harshly when we first broke up. I was rather upset that time but the anger did not last long. I can remember the situation but I never keep those words in my heart. Now we are friends again. Unless you want to mend back the relationship or otherwise, do not contact her at the meantime.

 

Good luck and take care!!!

[JT]

What do you mean mend back the relationship? I wish she would change.. I fear if I go back to her things are going to go back to the way she was.. she needs to change. I am doing many things to change myself.. I hope the experience will change her. I would like her back in time.. but is it my place to initiate that or not? I know I will see her at a friends wedding in July... perhaps running into her then I can better feel for the situation.

 

I guess my gut feeling is.. if she gets over the anger then she will want to come back.. or at least try to contact me. She's always been the one to contact me after arguments etc.

 

Let me ask you this... if a breakup is mutual there's no turning back correct? Not saying ours was necessarily mutual, but we were both angry at eachother at the time.

[debisfun]

The best predictor of future behaviour is past actions.

 

You need to work on healing yourself, and moving on WITHOUT the hope that you two will get back together. If (and this is a very big if) you two do decide to try again, you need to make very sure that she has taken the steps for the necessary self reflection. Her just saying that "she's changed" is not good enough.

 

You need to protect yourself. Good Luck.