Why do people do this? deal breaker?

[1MoreChance]

If someone (anyone) says they'll call and don't then that's bad for sure. But I certainly hate how it's like when a girl just says "Hi" or asks them a friendly question it's like "OMG I don't know how much more obvious I can be" - you can't be serious! Yeah just take it from a guy's point of view.

 

 

Oh wow. I invited HIM out and he replied he was busy on the week end but that Friday should work and that he'd call me before (and HE suggested Friday, I didn't. what I did is suggest a particular acitvity that we get together and do over the week end. I kept the time frame open to the whole week end, so that he would feel comfortable and not pressured, and he suggested Friday). I didn't post that I had called ONLY to say "Hi" and that this should be an obvious sign of interest and that now he should call me by a certain date.

 

I understand that you men - that are saying to look at it from his point of view - have your issues but don't get them mixed up into this thread please. Everyone can look at a situation from another person's point of view. What I am getting here is: I'm really not that interested so give me space. Don't make this a girl vs guy issue.

[Ammy]

I agree fully 1morechance, he is either not interested or self-absorbed as I previously said and I guess for the sake of considering all possibilities he could have had some dire emergency that prevented him from calling / texting or getting in contact... but my bets are on 1, 2 or a combo of them.

 

Sorry girl, it's not reflection on you - you deserve better than a guy who can't even manage to arrange a 3rd date!

 

Ammy

[Greedy Toad]

I agree fully 1morechance, he is either not interested or self-absorbed as I previously said and I guess for the sake of considering all possibilities he could have had some dire emergency that prevented him from calling / texting or getting in contact... but my bets are on 1, 2 or a combo of them.

 

Sorry girl, it's not reflection on you - you deserve better than a guy who can't even manage to arrange a 3rd date!

 

Ammy

 

Unfortunately for you 1MC I have to concur here.

[1MoreChance]

Ammy + GT

 

I agree...

 

I was thinking this morning, both times he called after the second date, he mentionned how busy he was. the first time he called, he started going on about how it was "work, work, work", and that he needed to set a time limit on himself (a certain time, 6 PM, after which he would not work anymore). then, he went on to say that he was "very busy" this time of year, but that he had a lot of free time July and August.

 

the second time he called "to say Hi", (and I mentionned we should go out), he said, again, that he would be very busy on the week end.....

 

Hint hint.....

 

He was probably just calling because he felt like it was the "right" thing to do. How do I behave next time I see him? my pride is hurt!

[Greedy Toad]

Ammy + GT

 

I agree...

 

I was thinking this morning, both times he called after the second date, he mentionned how busy he was. the first time he called, he started going on about how it was "work, work, work", and that he needed to set a time limit on himself (a certain time, 6 PM, after which he would not work anymore). then, he went on to say that he was "very busy" this time of year, but that he had a lot of free time July and August.

 

the second time he called "to say Hi", (and I mentionned we should go out), he said, again, that he would be very busy on the week end.....

 

Hint hint.....

 

He was probably just calling because he felt like it was the "right" thing to do. How do I behave next time I see him? my pride is hurt!

 

Your pride is hurt, but you still must behave with pride for yourself.

[1MoreChance]

Your pride is hurt, but you still must behave with pride for yourself.

 

 

I feel disrespected... do you think he axcted disrespectfull and hw should I treat him as a consequence? I feel "less than".... I have issues with that already of course.... I know this is a great learning opportunity, and I welcome the learning experience.... i just feel somewhat humiliated, letdown, and ashamed.

 

I'm tired of people who act like they are interested, then after like 2 dtaes drop you without even giving you a chance. People have to take the time to get to know each other... really I don't know what went wrong....

[Greedy Toad]

I feel disrespected... do you think he axcted disrespectfull and hw should I treat him as a consequence? I feel "less than".... I have issues with that already of course.... I know this is a great learning opportunity, and I welcome the learning experience.... i just feel somewhat humiliated, letdown, and ashamed.

 

I'm tired of people who act like they are interested, then after like 2 dtaes drop you without even giving you a chance. People have to take the time to get to know each other... really I don't know what went wrong....

 

Treat hims as a person. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

You didn't go wrong anywhere, sometimes the spark just isn't there.

 

Unless something dire has happened, i would simply chalk it up to "blah".

I certainly don't think you should feel humiliated, letdown or ashamed from this.

 

Carryon as though it never even happened.

[Ammy]

I feel disrespected... do you think he axcted disrespectfull and hw should I treat him as a consequence? I feel "less than".... I have issues with that already of course.... I know this is a great learning opportunity, and I welcome the learning experience.... i just feel somewhat humiliated, letdown, and ashamed.

 

I'm tired of people who act like they are interested, then after like 2 dtaes drop you without even giving you a chance. People have to take the time to get to know each other... really I don't know what went wrong....

 

 

I can totally relate hun. I feel the same every time this happens to me.. and I'll tell you it happens A LOT.

 

I do feel it is disrespectful too.. sounds like this guy has an air of self-importance. I believe he called you because he wanted to, not out of obligation. My take on this is that he is interested in you, but is too interested in himself and this is outweighing his interest for you.

 

Either way he's not worth it. If and when he calls, just be polite and make a decision based on what he says. If its lame and you don't feel like seeing him again just say you don't think it's worth pursuing, if you want to give him another chance, go for it.

 

I honestly don't think this is reflection on you, or anything you did wrong. Some men are just like this. I have had guys falling over themselves over me one minute and the next telling me it won't work or ignoring me completely for no apparent reason... it hurts, but I have learnt it's a reflection of them, not me.

 

Ammy

[gsxr104]

I can certainly understand your point. I feel the same way about people telling me that they're going to call about pending plans. It would've been easy for him to pick up the phone and say he wasn't going to be able to make it rather than leaving you hanging like that.

[1MoreChance]

so he never called. it's now Sunday morning...

 

it would have been so easy to call, even a day late (Saturday), to say "I'm sorry something came up, I'm really busy (hint hint), I'll talk to you later (or I'll call when I have time.......)"

 

I don't know. I'm having a hard time with this.........

 

I'm angry that he made it so specific and then ignores me. Plus I have to see him eventually for business matters. I feel so uncomfortable.

[monkeyface]

Sorry this happened, but you made an effort and he disregarded it. He's just not into you enough to make an effort back. Nothing you are or did. Also, think about it, is this the behavior of a guy you want in your life?

 

For me, not calling and blowing off plans is a deal breaker. This is the beginning of the courtship where everything is supposed to be a blast, and full of excitement, and he just pissed all over it. In addition, he has had one relationship of 2 months (Which really isn't even a relationship) in 6 years. You really wanna go down this road?

 

To the guys posting on this thread she should call him, umm, SHE DID. Balls in his court and he let it roll by. Game over.

[1MoreChance]

Sorry this happened, but you made an effort and he disregarded it. He's just not into you enough to make an effort back. Nothing you are or did. Also, think about it, is this the behavior of a guy you want in your life?

 

For me, not calling and blowing off plans is a deal breaker. This is the beginning of the courtship where everything is supposed to be a blast, and full of excitement, and he just pissed all over it. In addition, he has had one relationship of 2 months (Which really isn't even a relationship) in 6 years. You really wanna go down this road?

 

To the guys posting on this thread she should call him, umm, SHE DID. Balls in his court and he let it roll by. Game over.

 

 

thanks Monkeyface

[DatingIsSoHard]

I despise statements like "if a man really wants to contact you, he'll make time...not excuses.", because it puts more obligation and pressure on men than women, and that's not fair. It's sexism.

 

 

Huh? This applies to women too. If somebody likes you they don't find excuses, period.

[DatingIsSoHard]

I have had guys falling over themselves over me one minute and the next telling me it won't work or ignoring me completely for no apparent reason... it hurts, but I have learnt it's a reflection of them, not me.

 

Ammy

 

You seem like a rather hot girl if that is you in the pic. Are you sure those men weren't performing the neg-hit trick on you? (the male equivalent of playing hard to get) Our seduction manuals that tell us how women come from venus when we come from Mars actually tell us to do these sort of things with women who are too hot and tired of hearing the unoriginal "wow you are hot" for the umpteenth time of the day by an average nerd.

[Ms Darcy]

I feel disrespected... do you think he axcted disrespectfull and hw should I treat him as a consequence? I feel "less than".... I have issues with that already of course.... I know this is a great learning opportunity, and I welcome the learning experience.... i just feel somewhat humiliated, letdown, and ashamed.

 

I'm tired of people who act like they are interested, then after like 2 dtaes drop you without even giving you a chance. People have to take the time to get to know each other... really I don't know what went wrong....

 

 

I'm sorry that you feel less than. Don't let him make you feel less than ... that's under your control and not his.

 

The more confidence you have in yourself, the less rejection will hurt and the more "success" you will have in dating. ("Success" means the quality of your dating relationships will improve.)

[BriarRose]

After the first occasion, he called the next morning to invite me out the same evening

..

Don't accept last minute dates like that...

The next day I called to say thanks again for a very pleasant evening, I'm looking forward to doing it again (left him a msg).

..

Should've let him call...

The last time he called (2 days ago, wednesday), I suggested going out this week end

..

Again, should've let him ask...

 

IMO, he is getting turned off by lack of the chase. It is very early in your dating stage - don't contact him. I think you will hear from him, but stop chasing him.

[1MoreChance]

..

Don't accept last minute dates like that...

..

Should've let him call...

..

Again, should've let him ask...

 

IMO, he is getting turned off by lack of the chase. It is very early in your dating stage - don't contact him. I think you will hear from him, but stop chasing him.

 

ya well you know why I called him to thanks him and why I invited him?

 

because people on ENA (ALL men BTW) kept saying how I should do it cause I had rejected a kiss on the first evening (I had rejected the kiss very subblty by turning my head slghtly and kissing him on the cheeks instead and hugging him and I grabbed his hands and we interlaced fingers, we were both feleing something, but I just wans't ready to kiss. I used humor and affection to diffuse the situation cause we had only talked for 3 hours and I didn,t want to kiss yet). The several guys here posted how I had rejected him, and how i had to make up for it by calling, inviting him and even kissing him the next time. they made a big deal out of it and said I had to take the lead, show more interest. I WASN'T gonna call him the next day to thank him. I had already been thrankful after the date.

 

whatever. so much for listening to them.

[1MoreChance]

If I hadn't panicjed after reading the posts I wouldn't have called him.

 

I should have followed my own feeling.

 

it wasn't meant to be anyway so who cares.

 

and I don,t wanna have anything to do with him as he has completelly ignored me even thogh he had said he'd call. honnestly I don,t want that. so screw him.

[jul-els]

If I hadn't panicjed after reading the posts I wouldn't have called him.

 

I should have followed my own feeling.

 

it wasn't meant to be anyway so who cares.

 

and I don,t wanna have anything to do with him as he has completelly ignored me even thogh he had said he'd call. honnestly I don,t want that. so screw him.

 

Always do what feels right. There's nothing wrong with calling if that's what you genuinely feel like doing. If you don't, that's fine too. Always do what you're most comfortable with. Just like with the kiss. I don't think you were rejecting him at all, just doing what felt right for you. If a guy can't wait more than one date to kiss, then he's not that great. If after a handful of dates you still didn't want to kiss him, then obviously you aren't into him, but that's not the case here. Oh well, his loss.

[1MoreChance]

Always do what feels right. There's nothing wrong with calling if that's what you genuinely feel like doing. If you don't, that's fine too. Always do what you're most comfortable with. Just like with the kiss. I don't think you were rejecting him at all, just doing what felt right for you. If a guy can't wait more than one date to kiss, then he's not that great. If after a handful of dates you still didn't want to kiss him, then obviously you aren't into him, but that's not the case here. Oh well, his loss.

 

Thanks that really helps me feel better

[Iakasot]

Huh? This applies to women too. If somebody likes you they don't find excuses, period.

 

No, because almost every time you see these threads the advice given is "let him call you first", if no one has made calls so far. Obviously in this topic she called him, but seriously, LOOK THOUGH THE FORUMS. It's always "guy should call first or he's not interested".

 

1morechance: you got flaked on, welcome to the world what guys deal with girls all the time Cheer up.

[Ms Darcy]

No, because almost every time you see these threads the advice given is "let him call you first", if no one has made calls so far. Obviously in this topic she called him, but seriously, LOOK THOUGH THE FORUMS. It's always "guy should call first or he's not interested".

 

1morechance: you got flaked on, welcome to the world what guys deal with girls all the time Cheer up.

 

Wow, really? I don't think it's very supportive to her to encourage her to call him, call him, call him because she rejected him and then when he flakes on her to say this.

 

Onemorechance, pm me if you want some more advice. I give most of my advice privately these days.

[1MoreChance]

No, because almost every time you see these threads the advice given is "let him call you first", if no one has made calls so far. Obviously in this topic she called him, but seriously, LOOK THOUGH THE FORUMS. It's always "guy should call first or he's not interested".

 

1morechance: you got flaked on, welcome to the world what guys deal with girls all the time Cheer up.

 

 

 

Whatever, man. It's too bad you cannot use your energy to be supportive and understanding instead of making this about your own private agenda. It looks like you enjoy the fact that women feel bad about something that was done to them that you feel is traditionnally done to men by women.

[Iakasot]

Whatever, man. It's too bad you cannot use your energy to be supportive and understanding instead of making this about your own private agenda. It looks like you enjoy the fact that women feel bad about something that was done to them that you feel is traditionnally done to men by women.

 

I didn't purposely set you up to have this done by him. I was genuinely optimistic about him being a good guy. My experience with guys said that you giving him a call would be a pretty safe bet, I thought I should give advice that reflected on that experience. Just because I was wrong, doesn't mean it was bad advice, considering the statistical odds in the situation. Based on my experience, men still call given 30% odds, women still don't call given 70% odds. You got the 30%, you got flaked on, it happens to millions of people. I think for majority of people that's a lot easier to deal with than a break-up, or getting flaked on after more than just a couple dates, and being lead into thinking it's getting serious.

 

Something to note: Just because something sounds insensitive doesn't mean that's how it is. Verbal channel is one of the least reliable channels coming from a person that reflects what's inside --psych101. I'm not unsupportive, I just feel self conscious and unsure about my ability to do that in the situation, and don't think my support has any potential, given that I was wrong, and given the "all the guys said to call and this happens, i'm not taking their advice ever again". I would be demonized no matter what kind of support I attempt to lend.

 

FYI, the support is here (me) should you want it, because I've been in the same situation before and feel for you, but my intuition tells me you don't want it from ME.

[carbon14]

When do you have to see him in a business setting? Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed-he's the one who should! When a person says they will call & then they don't (in dating, business, whatever)-they're the ones who dropped the ball! Just be professional & since your meeting is concerning business, I wouldn't even bring it up. If he ponies up & apologizes or offers an excuse, great, but I wouldn't go out of my way to make plans with this guy again. It's probably for the best as work & relationships rarely mix well.

 

And I strongly second what a few other posters have said-do what YOU feel. And when you're on the fence (i.e. to kiss or not to kiss, to call or not to call) just flip a coin ;-) It sounds cheesy, but I how you react to the results can help you sort out how you really feel. Please do not use this advice for marriage proposals though

 

For what it's worth, I really don't see that you chased this guy-the whole "don't make instant dates, let him call you" mess sounds like playing games where no one wins. You're much better off just tossing a coin than trying to anticipate & outsmart the other person's thoughts/actions. Do what you want to-that way, even if it doesn't work out, at least you got to do what you wanted to.