I get it, its over!!

[Pharm11]

Hey guys,

 

Jus a little advice please....

My ex broke up with me last sunday, its been one week. I think he still loves, me... we have been tlaking again, just as friends i guess. But its not the same. Thats the hardest part. When the normal things arent normal anymore. Like I have to change my routine.

 

We are going on a trip for school on Dec 2nd, exactly one month from today.

My dream and hope is he will come back to me by then. I want to win him back.

I wish I cud change the past. But I know I cant. I hope that he realizes one day sooooon.... that he misses me and that he wants me back.

Whats the best way guys to win him back??? leave him alone? But we agreed we can call each other once in a while, and hang out (with other people around us).

[TechResQ]

How old are you two?

[IGlareOften]

First off all, how long have you guys been together? I will say to you what I've said to others..."It's a break up because something's broken" It's not as simple as winning him back. Why did you guys break up? Also, I'm not a an of NC or LC...but in this case you're a week removed from a very painful situation. Talking all the time and hanging out will only prolong healing....but as far as I can tell you don't want to heal, you want him back. If i know guys half as well as I do..he won't miss you if you're always around. Which brings me to the trite cliche "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"

[Pharm11]

i am 22 years old.

[NEVEAH]

Best way to "win" him back? You can't win him back..BUT you CAN influence his decision. How? Well by respecting his decision to end it. yes..and then really TRULY try to move on. Even if he is at the back of your mind, you need to move on...or at least APPEAR to be moving on. Become a great actress if you have to. If he calls you, be nice, but be BUSY..even if you only tell him you're busy...DO NOT SIT AROUND WAITING!!!!!!

Make plans for the next month. Work out EVERY day. That WILL make you feel better. I would not even answer his calls for the first week...maybe the second week. he needs to see you are serious about respecting his decision.

Because then it is going to seem as if it was YOUR decision, because YOu are

taking control of YOUR life. It's weird, but it works.

[Pharm11]

love ur quote iglareoften.

Its true, wen he is the one calling me it is nice. I onli called him once for an indirect question. but other than that my rule is let him call as much as he can rather than me always calling u noe.

we have known each other for about 2 years... but an official relationship about 1 year and 2 ish months.

We fought too much, thats y we broke up... i am willing to change...to be a better gf. but its seems like he said he doesnt believe me this time... u noe... i noe time time time : (. hopefully by the end of this month but who knows.

[Pharm11]

So u mean, they will come back if I do that? But its hard not to pik up his calls. Its already hard to avoid calling him, imagine ignoring the call i wanted all day. ouch.... I will try to work out, keep myself busy i guess. I still have hope... is that ok. But if its ok, i cant ignore his calls, may be i will then call back after an hour? It has been a week alredi.. we have been tlking tho.

[NEVEAH]

When I say 'ignore" his calls I am not saying that maliciously. I am saying TAKE CARE OF YOU. Talking to him is NOT going to suddenly make him want to come running back to you. If ANYthing it will make him more complacent about his decision. He already KNOWS you're sitting there waiting for his call...what incentive does HE have to make any changes?? This relationship takes TWO..and the burden cannot fall squarely on your shoulders. Don't assume that burden and it won't be yours. You can't control this outcome by focusing on HIS actions but you CAN control what happens to you, so for NOW focus on what YOU can control. Whether he comes back or not is not your responsibility. And TRUST me. When you respect yourself enough to take care of YOU, he will admire you for that. Make sense??

[Pharm11]

When I say 'ignore" his calls I am not saying that maliciously. I am saying TAKE CARE OF YOU. Talking to him is NOT going to suddenly make him want to come running back to you. If ANYthing it will make him more complacent about his decision. He already KNOWS you're sitting there waiting for his call...what incentive does HE have to make any changes?? This relationship takes TWO..and the burden cannot fall squarely on your shoulders. Don't assume that burden and it won't be yours. You can't control this outcome by focusing on HIS actions but you CAN control what happens to you, so for NOW focus on what YOU can control. Whether he comes back or not is not your responsibility. And TRUST me. When you respect yourself enough to take care of YOU, he will admire you for that. Make sense??

 

I really love ur words. I need to talk to u everyday to start my day off : ). Thanks, u noe the funny thing is that he has broken my heart before and he came back after 3 mos of NC. so i noe how hard it is to do NC. I just know its diff this time u noe. But i know wat u are saying. I hate it that the person u love is all of a sudden a stranger to u. And on top of that I feel like its a game u noe... dont call , let him call first, dont pick up..etc etc etc

[Pharm11]

How old are you two?

 

hey techresq - im 22 he is bout 25

[AutumnBorn]

The ONLY way to "win" someone back is by moving on and letting go. Numerous books discuss this. Begging, pleading, seducing, nothing else will work but at least appearing to let go. Take the advcie here. The worst thing you can do is struggle against the tide.

 

He'll be lucky if you don't truly let go, because chances are he'll come to regret this and you may find that your life is unfolding in front of you in new and unexpected ways because of the break-up.

 

Good luck.