Please someone help me about me ex bf!!

[ang3l2004]

Hi I have posted here before but im still so confused and I need some advice,My ex bf of 2 years broke up with me last week it did not end bad he told me he cant be my main source of happiness and that He wants to live his life and wants me to live mine as well.We talked about it and he told me the more we have a present the less we have a future and told me that he wants to do this so that we can both say to eachother that we are ready to talk about marriage im so confused he told me to think of this as a new beginning for us and that he wanted to remain friends that we will talk 2-3 times a week and hang out here and there since we broke up he has not called me at all I get on the comp to talk to him everyday and have called him twice acted happy and pleasant and just had anormal convo well he seems fine he doesnt call i am the one always iniating contact and we went from going out 2 years to next day broken up and friends but when i talk to him he seems like he is fine and just talks to me like a friend the day we broke up he told me he does want a future with me and i asked if he was letting me go and he said no he doesnt want to do that but since then i have been making all the contact why wouldnt he call?why does he seem ok?Is it just a man thing i have no idea im 20 and he is 24 I really miss him and I love him but have not told him because we are just talking as friends im so scared right now because i dont want to lose him for good i actually want him back and i dont know how to go about doing that I really need some advice im trying to keep myself busy but i cant control how i feel about him yes we broke up yes i talk to him with me contacting him but its so confusing how can i get him back?Why would he tell me all those things and sound so sincere about it all he said he thinks this is what we need a fresh start should i believe this i cant let go i dont want to either what is he trying to do?what is he trying to make a point of can someone please give me some advice and there opinions please i would be so grateful thankyou all who will read and help me out on this but i have been giving him space in a way we use to talk everyday on the phone i have only called twice but i do talk to him on the comp and he says that he doesnt want to cut that off what should i do?

[twizod]

First! What you are feeling and saying right now is perfectly normal. This is called the grieving stage. You are going hysterical trying to do anything to get him back within reason. Everybody does this and you will later regret it/be embarrassed by it. Perfectly normal. Next, HE WILL NOT GO AWAY! He will eventually call you and he will want to talk to you but not if you keep IMing him/calling him. You need to start the "No Contact" rule right now so you have time to grieve this change in your life and learn to define yourself by "ang3l2004" and not "ang3l2004 and b/f". You need to learn how to function without him. This is most important. Trust me...it may take several weeks but he will wonder where all the attention went. This will give you time to control your emotions and also seem mysteriously vacant from his life. It will teach you how to get your sanity back. Trust me, it sucks and life will seem to slow to a crawl for a couple weeks (2 weeks is average) but after that time period you will notice a slight improvement IF YOU DO NOT CONTACT HIM Please do it and see.

[ang3l2004]

thankyou for your advice i just dont want to lose him for good i can function without him it is just that i dont want toi really miss him and i want things to work i dont have no idea why he is telling me he still wants a future with me but if anyone has advice please give it to me thanks and thanks for your help twizod for reading and replying

[headbanger]

Yes, I agree what you are going through, feeling and doing are all normal things during a breakup. But! if you keep contacting him he will not have the chance to miss your presense in his life and he might start considering you a nusance. Who knows why he is doing this, but I don't really thinks it's fair to you for him to keep telling you he wants a future with you and then run off to do what he wants to do (who knows what that could be). Don't let him push you around emotionally don't let him walk back in your life at anytime and rummage around in it then when he feels the need walk out again. I would say the "no contact rule" would be good for you a) he will start to miss you b) you can start to move past some of these feelings. Don't ever assume he will come back to you. But if he does DON'T jump at the chance to take him back so readily make him work for you (DON"T BE PUSH OVER). I would go so far as to say if he contacts you to not respond a time or two so this will peak his interest as to what you have been doing and why you havn't answered the call, IM, e-mail or whatever.

You should be angry with the man for doing crap like this.

Again letting you go without reason then trying to keep you hanging on by promising you a future is not fair play. He should be a man and just say listen I think we should take some time off to see what is out there (which is exactly what it sounds like he is doing) and let you go, so you both can move on, even if he does want a future with you at some point.

So right now you need to initiate "no contact" go out! have fun! and when he does call and when you are ready to portray a strong, healthy, confident woman to him (assuming you still want him back at that time) start fresh, slow and easy.

There are similarities in your story to mine. I miss her and would love for her to be with me again. But you can bet on this, I am having a hell of a time with my friends!!!

[ang3l2004]

Thankyou for your advice if you ever want to talk about anything or if anyone wants to please feel free to pm me I can understand what everyone is trying to say and how they say no contact will work but if i do stop gettin on messanger wont he think i am over him and make things worse for me because really all along i was not i can manage without him but i can live without him to the thing is i dont want to i can be happy with myself and him as well he just thinks that he is my main source of happiness and i have taken a step back to look at the situation and i can understand where he is coming from because i did smother him always question him and his love for me and always called now he seems to be fine but i dont know if that is just a coverup I really want things to work out between us and I want to be with him,I think that if i do the no contact then it would make things worse i asked him if he dont know how to use a phone and he told me he cant he dont have long dis on his phone and i said oh ok i said im beginning to think u dont want to talk to me and he said no it has nothing to do with that if and when we happen to meet up again what should i do how should i act im so confused plz reply back thanks

[rich_1517]

hey

well i can relate. you have to let him go for a while. thing is no one not even you can get focused with the amount of nervous energy you are pumping into this.

 

like it or not we are not healthy for the realtionship when we are like this. when one person wants space and the other chases (even one phone call) they feel pressure and want to run further.

 

I know thats hard to hear. believe me, but you cant change his mind right now. my ex has stayed in limbo with me for three months of "friends" calling all the time, wanting to be together. but she hasnt had to miss me until now.

 

anyone can tell you to be nice to yourself now, to stay busy, that this is what you need to do. if he cant say i love you, or make a committment to you now. you must let him go if he says he wants to go. only you can do it, you have to ask yourself if you see this working the way it is.

 

If you accept the conditions under which you currently connect, you calling, him not calling. that is how it will be. there is no reason for him to change if he doesnt have to.

 

also side note, break your thoughts into sentences and paragrpahs like this. it allows us to understand and hopefull help better.

 

i know it hurts, you will be ok.

[Greenlee]

Drop off his radar. Don't play the game. Please listen to me.

 

Experience dictates that when a person behaves this way they usually have someone else in their sights but aren't sure of them yet so they want to keep the ex gf/bf stringing along just in case.

 

All of the lines.. "I'm confused, I need space, etc" is a load of garbage. They either want to be with you or they don't. Guys are not like girls. Guys normally have someone waiting in the wings before they dump a girl. They will also keep the ex gf in tow until the new relationship becomes more certain.

 

Sorry, but it's pretty much the norm for guys worldwide! I say, let it go. My ex bf kept Instant Mesgr'ing me and calling until I followed up on my gut feeling and found out he was seeing someone. He obviously never thought I would be at a certain place that I was one night and he walked in with her! Talk about shock! Don't let anyone do that to you! (And we had lived together for 3 yrs. gone to Europe together, concerts. etc.!)

Listen again.... If he wanted to be with you, he'd still be with you. I say disappear. Don't let him call the shots!!