when will she trust me?

[dogwood]

I've been dating J for almost 5 months now. We are really happy together, and honest with each other about everything.

 

The other day, she told me excitedly.. that she had "opened her heart" all of a sudden. She had told me a couple weeks ago that she was sort of putting a limit to how much she would let herself like me, fall for me.. partially because this is her first long term same sex relationship, but i think more so because she has been cheated on in the past twice by 2 different people, right after she opened her heart to them so to speak. so she was being cautious, worried about getting hurt.

 

i think she knows i would never betray her, and i have told her that sincerely. Either way, I was really happy when she told me this; and I understand trust takes time. but today we were casually talking and my ex got brought up, and she asked me that if i broke up with her and my ex said she still loved me, would I go back to her? I hesitated, then said "probably not." of course this made her all untrusting all over again.

 

i felt really sad because i was so happy yesterday when she said she was willing to open herself up fully to me, and now it's like she's going to go back and close her heart all over again just because of that comment.

 

to be honest i don't know what i would do if i was single and my ex still had feelings. i would probably stay away from her but i don't know for sure. to me though, that is besides the point. maybe i still have feelings for my ex somewhere deep down in my subconscious.. she was my first love and I'm not sure those feelings ever COMPLETELY fade.. but they are not there .. she is out of my life.. and i love J, and I can trust J so much more. Regardless, I am very happy with J and would never once betray her or go back to my ex while being with her, and I am sure of that.

 

I really want her to trust me.. I understand she's been hurt in the past and is being cautious (I have been hurt in the past too).. but after she said she was going to finally open herself up... I just feel like a huge step backwards was taken and now it won't happen. I don't know what to do.. I guess just give it more time.. but we've already been dating almost 5 months, and I really want her to stop being afraid. How can you show someone they can trust you fully? What do I do?

[Celestialagape54]

All you can can do is be there for her and be patient. When she finally realizes the fact that you won't hurt her I am sure she will come around!

 

Glad to see things are working out for the two fo you!

[dogwood]

thanks dood. anyone else got advice?

[catfeeder]

Not a good idea to talk about your ex; it's counter-productive to what you're trying to accomplish.