Colm Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 I've been thinking a lot about masculinity and it's starting to bug me. I don't like labels and the like, and the questions I have feel like they're stupid but they won't go away. I love my boyfriend and I don't feel any shame in admitting to loving him or wanting him. The thing is that we're very different people and I wonder sometimes what my role in things is. We had a really rough patch a few months back, nasty breakup, got back together. We talk and kiss and the like but I find myself missing how it was before. I miss sex and I miss sleeping in the same bed and holding and being held. I keep embarassing myself around him because I want him so much, and he seems a little more unsure of himself than he ever was, but I don't get the sense like he's panting for it too. I feel like I'm wanting more than he does, even though I know he loves me. I hate to stereotype, but I keep getting these feelings like I'm the woman in the relationship, and I hate it. I'm not a feminine guy. And the thing I miss the most with sex is bottoming, which makes that "I'm the woman" feeling worse. I'm starting to get almost angry with him, because I feel this way, and that's not fair. And I know it's wrong to generalize women or make it some kind of a bad thing. Is it normal to worry about this? Does wanting things more or wanting the kind of things I want make me less of a man somehow? I keep picturing the most masculine people I know feeling like I do and I can't do it. Link to comment
bjnicole05 Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 Sugar.....Even the most masculine man in world would have these feelings if they were feeling neglected from the person that they are in-love with. It's like saying "big boys" dont cry. There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling, things change and people change especially after a break up, it can either be for the better or for the worse....I guess it all depends on why the break up happened. Even if you are "a mans man" you have nothing to worry about when it comes to feeling like a "woman" sometimes because your reaching out for your partners loving touch or some romance, and it doesnt make you less of a man. Keep your head up Babe Link to comment
pianoguy Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 Have you talked about this with you boyfriend? Link to comment
Colm Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 No I haven't said anything. The last thing I want to do is come accross like I'm pressuring him for sex or being clingy or something. Link to comment
pianoguy Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 Well, there isn't anyway he's going to know that you're unhappy unless you talk to him. He's not a mind reader. It's normal to want sex in a relationship. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Well, there isn't anyway he's going to know that you're unhappy unless you talk to him. He's not a mind reader. It's normal to want sex in a relationship. Normal to want it out of a relationship too. Link to comment
ceez Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 In a lot of hetero relationships I've seen the woman was in charge. You should talk it over with him. Link to comment
folie_a_deux Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 there's nothing wrong with wanting to take the "woman" role in a same-sex relationship i think you need to embrace it, if u don't, how can u get someone else to like you... i know that sounds bad, but ur obviously insecure about urself when u don't need to be, i'm sure he's just feeling the insecurity as well hope all goes well with you both =) xx Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 there's nothing wrong with wanting to take the "woman" role in a same-sex relationship i think you need to embrace it, if u don't, how can u get someone else to like you... i know that sounds bad, but ur obviously insecure about urself when u don't need to be, i'm sure he's just feeling the insecurity as well hope all goes well with you both =) xx Could I trouble you for a clarification of what this means exactly? Link to comment
Unusual U Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I think you should definiately talk it over with him. You're relationship will most likely shatter if your line of communication is lost! D: Link to comment
greywolf Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Could I trouble you for a clarification of what this means exactly? I think he means that if the OP can't love and accept himself for who he is, how can he expect someone else to. Link to comment
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