trixiecracker Posted March 6, 2003 Share Posted March 6, 2003 My dad has been off work for quite a few years now with a bad back and last year he started working for a courier service that paid under the table. He hurt his knee doing that while getting paid by compensation. Now he has had to have knee surgery, twice. Now that his back is getting better, compensation wants him to go back to work or they will cut off his pay. I can understand them not wanting to pay him for being off work with his knee - it was his own fault there. The problem is, I dont think he wants to go back to work. He has begun lying to everyone lately and he spends his money uselessly. (beer, smokes, fast food). The other day I called him to speak to him and instead of just talking to me he asked me for money, gave me a sob story about how his credit card got taken away and he needs money for gas. See, I dont understand why he needs money though. He owns a house that he rents out so that is paid for. He lives with his Girlfriend that doesnt charge rent, gives him food and lets him borrow her car. She only wants him to pay her back some money when he gets his pay at the beginning of the month. Its just so frustrating because with his disabilty check, he actually gets more money monthly than my bf and I get with him getting a paycheck and me working two jobs. I dont want to cut him out of my life, but I dont like saying no to him about money either. He makes me feel guilty when I am now living on my own and want to buy some furniture of my own.. What should I do? Am I wrong? Link to comment
Gilgamesh Posted March 7, 2003 Share Posted March 7, 2003 Wow, this is one bad situation. my only advice is to stop giving him money, just tell him you dont have enough to get by or something, I know it seems cruel, but he has only been thinking of himself, its not right for him to make you feel guilty while he is not being responsable for his reckless spending. but if he does does get back on his feet, and stops the beer drinking and does some kind of work, then help him if he really needs it. He needs a wake up call. Link to comment
sisterlynch Posted March 7, 2003 Share Posted March 7, 2003 You are right in thinking the way that you do. How can you get him to accept life's challenges? Don't ever feel sorry for him ever again. Life hurts everyone equally. He is a person who holds on to the pain in life and doesn't accept any responsibily for his own actions. I don't know if this is a solution, but the next time he tells you a horror story make up one to match his and then ask him to help you solve your impossible dream! This may give him a view into what he is asking from you! Link to comment
savagegerbil1607306442 Posted March 7, 2003 Share Posted March 7, 2003 Tell him you have no sympathy for him while he wastes his money on beer and cigs. If he needs money, he can bum it off his girlfriend. You got a life and a future, and if he wants to be a part of it then he needs to get his act together. Link to comment
sisterlynch Posted March 7, 2003 Share Posted March 7, 2003 yes, I do agree with that too. He owes it to you, his daughter, to get his life together and to show some responsibility for himself. He cannot expect his daughter to put up with his behavior. Link to comment
Aura Seeker Posted March 7, 2003 Share Posted March 7, 2003 I don't know if this is the case.....or not, but I had a room mate that went through back problems. He had surgery, so it was extreme. Back pain is usually pretty serious pain. He did a LOT of perkacet (bad spelling, sound it out! lol) Naturally, he became addicted. Once the doctor said his pain level was down enough to stop them....he went to other stuff. He hit the booze a lot harder (said it dulled the pain) , and then cocain. When ever people SHOULD have money, and don't....that is always a red flag. I don't know if you can discuss the topic of addiction to him, but for you......the worse thing to do is enable by giving money. The whole thing just sounds hauntingly familiar! Just my opinion. ;-) AS Link to comment
trixiecracker Posted March 8, 2003 Author Share Posted March 8, 2003 *sigh* my dad called today and told me he is leaving the city (he currently lives just north of toronto). I dont know what good running away is, and I feel as though I am neglecting him by letting him do it. How is it that the child should feel neglectful? I see it as a way of getting out of paying his girlfriend back the money he owes her (going on over 10, 000 now). I just dont understand how people can be so stupid and inconsiderate to each other. He told me this week we should get together, and frankly, I dont have time. I work 7 days a week now, and with two jobs I enjoy my time at home. If he wants to see me he should come visit me at the restaurant I work at, and pay his own way. Im only 19 years old, i dont need this crap. Link to comment
salmons Posted March 8, 2003 Share Posted March 8, 2003 Well, let me speak my mind. Firstly, I think your Dad is a user. He wants but never gives. I paid so much money for him that he conned me into but I just got the cold shoulder forever. Ever since I met the man, he didn't like me. Sure, he gave me a place to stay, but then kicked me out. What a dick. Then he accepted me back in then I MOVED out because of him. I didn't like him coming into my place all the time (I was paying rent as well as steph), and he would eat our food, take stuff, say it's his, or just make us feel bad because we actually work. I don't know what he does with his money - prolly spends it on strippers with the beer, cigerettes, etc. He neglects his family, his daughter, his girlfriend. What a dick. I don't think anyone should have any association with him if he's acting like he is. When I met him, he was okay, but then it went downhill from then. I wonder if it's better if he's on his own. but he has to cut the habits. Sometimes I feel like taking his cigs away and the beer and the keys to his car. How could someone go through thousands of dollars and not show anything for it? Steph and I got our apartment in Nov/02 and since then, it's OUR RULES because we pay for all the the stuff we want. We don't let anyone tell us what to do or allow other people make the rules for us. If steph's dad doesn't have a place to live, he's not staying here. No Sir - no vacancy. I don't care if he lives on the streets - I'm not having a person that smells like cigerettes and he's not even through the front-door. He would stink up our apartment with smoke and somehow make a rule that he would be allowed to smoke and drink. Then he would sleep on our new couch that we paid $900 for and then burn holes in telling us it's our fault or we did it. He would hog the TV and somehow kick me into my bedroom with my computer and my business that I run from home. I hate the f****** and he's not ever allowed to come over unless he changes his act completely. That would never prolly happen. Link to comment
Aura Seeker Posted March 8, 2003 Share Posted March 8, 2003 Hi guys, It's always a shame that we can't pick our parents! If he is just using and abusing you, shake him off. You can't help people that don't help themselves. Letting him stay is just asking for trouble, and ultimately it will come between you two big time. I am sure the pressure of this guy is doing it now. Trixiecracker, you are only 19 and should feel no obligation to raise your father. I imagine that you have been putting up with this behavior for a long time now. Let go with love. Tell him you love him, then tell him he has to move on to let you move on. Just my opinion. AS Link to comment
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