AngryHeart Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 Oh man, I seriously give up. *sigh* here we go... Been with a guy I met off a dating site (apparently exclusively), he was so attentive, texting me lots, etc. etc. I had to go on holiday just a few days after our first meeting, he was texting me lots during it saying he's really looking forward to seeing me. So we meet up, and *sigh* yeah, I stay the night and we have sex. But it really didn't seem like it was all he was interested in. We did other stuff too, and we had a lot in common - even the same favourite band. He told me he really likes me a lot. Friday night I asked if he wanted to meet up for drinks, but he said there was something he wanted to listen to on the radio, but did I want to meet up sunday (today) so I said ok, and he said he'd get back to me with a time. We text a bit, and in the evening I tell him I like him a lot. He's said this to me plenty of times remember. He sends back " I like you a lot too. Mwah. x" Saturday I hadn't heard anything from him, and it was like 4pm which is really unusual for him, so I text him. I don't get anything back, so I call him about an hour later, he picks up.I laugh and say "are you ignorning me?!" he was like "no, I was just listening to the football on the radio, and my phone was on the bed" Then he asks when I'm free the next day, I say "whenever really" so he says he'll call me back later with a time. Hmm, OK. It's almost 10 PM and I'm anxious and annoyed, so yeah, I call him again (sigh) no answer. So I text and say "what's wrong? If you don't want to see me anoymore, just say..." like an hour later he texts saying "nothings wrong, was just in the living room messing about on the wii. How's your night going? x" So I reply "going OK, just drinking and nattering to people. My battery's running out, so do you wanna meet up tomorrow or not?" Nothing. Nothing today either. So finally at about 1pmish I send him a text saying "Bye bye. I dunno what happened, but I deserve way better than this. Shame, you seemed like a cool guy and like we fitted really well. Apparently aliens aducted you overnight. Good luck!" Nothing. But I check his dating profile and he has changed it already! Before I had seen him on there a few times still, but he had changed the headline to "taken" and "not single/not looking", "looking for friends" and put my name and " x" in the description box. Now he's put "single", "looking for dating" and in the box is just says "blah **********" * * * ?! Am I an idiot? Was it my fault? It hurts. Link to comment
MoTay Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 "I don't understand why guys lose interest after having sex with you though, it doesn't make sense. Why are girls suddenly unappealing after you've slept with them?" Guys are "hunters". Guys are "problem solvers". These are primeval traits that are buried way down inside of our monkey-brains. If you have sex too soon, you are depriving him of the hunt, and of the challenge of "solving" how to get you. Link to comment
DaXMan Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 On one hand, it's HIS problem, not yours. You two had sex, and then he was playing extremely hard to get. As the others said, he just didn't seem all that interested after the sex. That's not your fault, it's just the way he is. On the other hand, you really weren't challenging him. At all. You two had sex rather quickly. When he said he liked you, you told him you like him a lot. You called him very often. If the guy is acting as if he really doesn't care, and you two aren't even really dating yet, then you shouldn't become desperate in trying to get him because he'll know he has the upper hand right away. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted October 4, 2009 Author Share Posted October 4, 2009 It just gets so dishearting...I'm done with dating. And all these rules and games that seems to exisit, yet people complain that they don't want someone that plays them, they just want someone straight-forward...yeah right. Link to comment
volpe Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 well, you know if a guy is really into you, what you didn't wouldn't matter- you wouldn't be left to wonder. but one thing i've learned is when a guy is vague about a time, i just assert myself and suggest a time. perhaps he would have called you sunday and think you want to meet up at the last minute, but that isn't o.k. either. so if you wanted to set a time you should have said, o.k. sunday at 5pm. does that work for you? if not, what time does? and just be real clear you need that. twice he kind of just was vague about it, but it was your opportunity to clarify. in the future, do that. definitely though, if he were interested, he would have set a time. at the same time, you are assuming there is a pattern and expected him to call you by 4, but by reading it doesn't seem that you were dating all that long yet. too early to set expectations about contact. you were coming on a little bit strong, and that can turn people off. not about games, but about expectations. Just because you had sex doesn't mean you can expect him to contact you regularly. It's not all your fault, but I think in this situation, it was definitely two people involved. Having sex early doesn't help cause you get more emotionally invested without even knowing the person that well. Good to take it slower in the future, keep your life active and full and try not to wait around and wonder if he calls. If he calls you can say "wow, he called that's so cool" as opposed to "finally!!" Link to comment
DaXMan Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 It just gets so dishearting...I'm done with dating. And all these rules and games that seems to exisit, yet people complain that they don't want someone that plays them, they just want someone straight-forward...yeah right. There are some little differences. I don't like playing games either, but there are some minor things you can do, such as: 1.) Don't tell him you "like him a lot" right out of the gate. If you do, then he knows he's got you immediately. 2.) Don't break your own schedule just to meet with him. I know you didn't mention it in your post, but if you're busy at the time he asks, let him know that...but give him a time you are free so it shows you'd still be into it. 3.) Be confident in yourself. If there's something you don't want to do, let him know. Basically, don't be too hard to get, but don't be a cakewalk either. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 yeah, sounds like he got what he wanted and got out of there! sorry about that. yes, i would hold off on sex next time. Link to comment
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