Spanking

[Maroney555]

If this is considered a "political" thread, feel free to delete, Moderators!

 

Anywho...my fiancee and I were talking about spanking children and it moved toward spanking kids with inanimate objects (ie: newspapers, etc).

 

In your opinion, where does it cross a line?

 

Thanks all! Just wanted to gain some societal feedback.

[hers]

this thread had interesting perspectives:

 

 

particularly about age and such though.

[Maroney555]

Oh weird, I searched it and this one didn't come up for some reason.

 

Thanks.

[LightbulbSun]

I think there's no excuse for spanking your children. It just makes them fear you, and they don't learn anything.

 

Having them stand in a corner and think about what they've done is a better punishment, IMO.

[fixyou_]

If I chose to have children, I am a firm believer in spanking. They need reinforcement. I'd cut off at 5th grade, and then there would be "grounding". Spanking is not something I would do everyday for God's sake. I don't understand why people think it's wrong to spank their kids.

[Maroney555]

OK, so read through that whole thing.

 

Still wanna know: spanking with inanimate objects.....

[sophie274]

There have been a few threads on spanking ... if you order the threads in Parenting and Families by most replied, they're on the first page.

 

Anywho, I don't think I would ever spank my children, but in my opinion spanking with a newspaper doesn't cross a line more than swatting with a hand would. I wouldn't consider plain spanking abuse. Spanking with an object to cause more pain than a hand would, or to be able to hit harder, to try to hurt the child more ... that crosses the line for me.

[LightbulbSun]

It's wrong because young kids don't equate the pain with the thing they did wrong. All they remember is that they were 'spanked.' So they grow up, fearing their parents and hating them for hurting them.

 

I hate to pull the Michael Jackson card, but do you think he grew up to be a healthy, normal individual? His father spanked him, maybe a bit more severely than most parents, but still he was a victim of that (and had spoken out about it several times over the years.) That is why, if I ever have children, I will never spank them.

 

I don't know any parent who wants their child to grow up to hate them.

[bulletproof]

I grew up with parents who spanked, and I can honestly say I don't remember what I was supposed to learn in those instances. I only remember the hitting, the fear and the resentment. Kids shouldn't learn to behave because they're afraid to do otherwise; they should learn to behave because they want to do the right thing. When we simply disappoint our parents, that's the punishment, not the spanking.

[fixyou_]

No way, newspapers reminds me of hitting a dog....which I also, do not want to do, but when Mr. Coco decides to continuously chew my stuff, I tap him on the butt and nose and he knows right away that he was bad and doesn't do it for a few months...and then forgets lol.

Hmm, I can understand what you' re saying, Lightbulb, but I would still chose to spank my child when he or she or they misbehaved. Obviously, I would not spank them with force, but enough to know what they were doing was not acceptable. I would only spank them in a situation where they put themselves in danger, misbehaved on an extreme level, or continuously repeated an act that they were told not to do several times before.

[D_Lish]

I think there's no excuse for spanking your children. It just makes them fear you, and they don't learn anything.

 

Having them stand in a corner and think about what they've done is a better punishment, IMO.

 

Spanking never did me any harm and it sure didnt make me fear my parents and I dont hate them....

I grew up, respecting my elders...

 

Kids need discipline and non discipline leads to kids thinking they rule the roost...which has led to kids ruling the streets in the UK and old people fearing for their safety. Anti social behaviour among kids, is on a scale as never before....quite simply, nobody is allowed to discipline, not even the schools with a cane anymore.

 

Im not saying, lets beat them up. I just think that a swift spank would suffice.

 

And physical BEATINGS while naked and lashed with whips, are what Michael Jackson got. There is no comparing that, to a mere spank....

 

BTW, I class a spank as a swift slap accross the butt.

[bulletproof]

Kids do need discipline but there is more than one way to discipline. I have adult friends who grew up with parents who didn't spank them but they were certainly disciplined, and they are very responsible and nice people. To say that spanking is the only thing that keeps kids from becoming out of control is incorrect.

[LightbulbSun]

Light spanking is probably okay, but who is to judge what is light, and what is excessive? I was spanked as a child, probably too much (my mom still apologizes for things that happened 10-15 or more years ago), and when you have a child who's misbehaving, it's really easy to lose your temper. If you think, "Oh ok, one little swat won't hurt anything," when you get angry it'll turn into two harder swats, and then angrier, three harder swats. You see what I'm saying?

 

There's no such thing as a perfect parent, and moms/dads are human, too. It's really easy to cross the line from a little 'light spanking' into dangerous territory, and what then? Your child fears you, and there are tons of therapy bills that need to be paid down the road.

[D_Lish]

Kids do need discipline but there is more than one way to discipline. I have adult friends who grew up with parents who didn't spank them but they were certainly disciplined, and they are very responsible and nice people. To say that spanking is the only thing that keeps kids from becoming out of control is incorrect.

 

I dont recall saying spanking was the ONLY means.

But it is a means of discipline and a one that didnt do me any harm, or my brother and since smacking and caning in schools was abolished, it would seem kids have got worse and out of control. Far different from the kids, of my generation, who had respect...

 

At least that is the way it is, in the UK anyway.

The kids have taken over.....

 

I see nothing wrong, in a swift spank and I dont mean with an object such as a newspaper, or whip. A beating....yes I do strongly disagree with.

I also have a friend who is a Parenting Officer.....she too would say there is nothing wrong in a swift spank. If its anything more, then its a case for concern.

[D_Lish]

Light spanking is probably okay

 

That is what I mean...a light spanking, nothing heavy.

 

Our definitions of spanking, UK and US could be different....

 

My definition of spanking is, a light swift slap accross the backside.

[Doc Blaze]

It's wrong because young kids don't equate the pain with the thing they did wrong. All they remember is that they were 'spanked.' So they grow up, fearing their parents and hating them for hurting them.

 

I hate to pull the Michael Jackson card, but do you think he grew up to be a healthy, normal individual? His father spanked him, maybe a bit more severely than most parents, but still he was a victim of that (and had spoken out about it several times over the years.) That is why, if I ever have children, I will never spank them.

 

I don't know any parent who wants their child to grow up to hate them.

 

 

your comparing apples to oranges pal...thats an extreme case to a little spanking....michael jackson was severely abused...different story.

 

 

my dad spanked both me and my brother..my grandfather even spanked my brother once...

 

i dont hate my parents nor do i really remember any spankings from my parents

 

i respect my parents and have a great relationship with them.

 

so getting spanked does not always mess up everyone....

[Cognitive_Canine]

I was only ever spanked once in my life. I don't even remember what for.

 

I do remember the humilation and shock.

 

I think hitting with objects is absolutely wrong. Objects are intended for the spanking to either hurt worse or for it to be a ritual like thing (a paddle designated for spanking) which is far more traumatizing.

 

I think only parents and guardians should ever spank. And never teachers, babysitters, nor day care workers.

 

I also believe that spanking should be more of a 'swat' to get their attention or to immediately stop their actions (such as if what they are doing is dangerous or if they are another child or animal and you need their attention immediately).

 

Best case, don't resort to spanking. But, not everything is ideal. If you do spank, don't spank so that it hurts them. And don't make a ritual out of it by making it over the knee or with an object. Especially don't do it in front of others as this is extremely humilating.

[unabashed]

Just because spanking doesn't mess someone up doesn't mean it's a great way to discipline. Great if you weren't harmed by the spankings you received, but why does that make it an appropriate way to raise your own kids? I don't get that argument. I'm not dead from eating white bread and overcooked vegetables, but I know more about nutrition than my mother did, so I try to serve my family better than that.

 

There are other very effective ways to teach and discipline kids without physically hitting them. Tons of books and resources exist, if one is interested. It isn't that hard to learn a new way to deal with children that doesn't involve physical aggression.

 

My goal as a parent is to raise confident, respectful, loving kids. The first rule is the Golden Rule. Treat others as you would want to be treated. I certainly wouldn't put up with anyone hitting me, and I wouldn't expect my kids to, either. Will it kill them or screw them up? Probably not. But it isn't necessary.

 

I can't see why anyone would deliberately put spanking into their parenting plan. With everything that's known about how to raise children in a positive manner, and the focus on reducing violence among kids, it seems like a very outdated and unnecessary approach.

[sidehop]

If you're going to spank your kids on the buttocks parents really to need to consider when is the 'right' time. I was spanked but only in extreme cases for doing something really bad. Do I hate my parents for it? Never, they never spanked me out of anger nor do I remember them hitting me physically anywhere else.

 

If you're against spanking, that's perfect fine. But you cannot tell others not to spank. It's not your child nor is your responsibility or business to tell what others should or should not do. I've seen so many parents that are against spanking while they scream & yell, grab their kids arms really hard, so-called timeouts and sometimes give punishments that could be considered far more abusive.

 

While I don't condone any type of abuse based on anger, proper punishment should be carried out by each parent taking in consideration how the kids will learn and teach their own children in the future.

 

There's no point in debating why spanking is good or bad. Punishment done in any form with respect and out of love over time will result in child growing up to be the same way.

[Seraphim]

Would you tell me not to hit another adult though?And if so why? I keep asking the question why on the scale of "human beingness" kids have a lesser rating and should be hit to "form a foundation" and adults should not be hit. You would think someone with a formed foundation should get an oops upside the head when they get it wrong not the other way round.

 

I have been asking this question for a few years now on here and all I get are accusations of "self righteousness" and people staunchly defending parents they assume I have insulted. Seriously, it is a legitimate question. Seeing children happy and believing in themself with the same rights as adults when it comes to their physical person is very important to me. It is NOT about blaming or caring how I personally appear here or anywhere else.

[unabashed]

I wouldn't presume to tell anyone how to raise their kids. But, if they *ask* (as the OP did), I will offer an opinion. The debate does have a point because I am invested in the future of healthy kids, and I happen to believe that there are many acceptable and effective alternatives to hitting a child. I happen to think that deliberate physical punishment is by far the worst choice when disciplining, regardless of whether it's legal or accepted by a lot of people. That's my opinion, but I share it with child development experts so I'm in good company.

[Seraphim]

I wouldn't presume to tell anyone how to raise their kids. But, if they *ask* (as the OP did), I will offer an opinion. The debate does have a point because I am invested in the future of healthy kids, and I happen to believe that there are many acceptable and effective alternatives to hitting a child. I happen to think that deliberate physical punishment is by far the worst choice when disciplining, regardless of whether it's legal or accepted by a lot of people. That's my opinion, but I share it with child development experts so I'm in good company.

 

I would rep you if I could. I have to agree with you here.

 

To another poster.. It astounds me that people ask other's opinions and then others say, do not tell me what to do..........uh but my opinion was asked on a public forum. So I am going to tell you what I believe. If you want to take that as telling you what to do, that is not really the case. It is the same thing as the people who do spank telling me I have no discipline because I chose not to. My son respects me without my hitting OR yelling. It is very rare I ever have to raise my voice. What we are telling you IS there are other ways to discipline. My personal belief is "hands are for helping".

[sidehop]

Don't get me wrong, spanking is one of those debates that can go on without an end. And culturally some regard spanking as a basic form of punishment while you have countries in the US that's highly debated. In that sense you really can't tell just from your own experience whether or not spanking is good or bad. It's almost as bad as trying to argue whether a woman should have an abortion or not.

 

To me, living in different cultures and countries and experiencing the forms of punishment used, you can't pinpoint that "spanking never works" or "you have to spank your kids". Am I against spanking? Depends. It obviously crosses the line when parents physically beat their kids on the head, shoving and using violence to display anger.

 

History shows that sometimes spanking is one good way of punishment whether you believe it or not. Scientifically it's been proven when done properly, spanking a child on the buttocks (and nowhere else) doesn't have permanent physical damages. We can argue about their psychological effects and other long term effects but where do you draw the line that it is or not effective.

 

I firmly believe it's a personal choice for parents. If you want to spank your kids, do so in the proper way if it works. If you want to give other form of punishment and it's working that's wonderful.

[Seraphim]

What I am asking you is WHY children do not need the same physical protection of their body that we give adults? We are not allowed to hit other adults. No one ever has an answer for this.

[sidehop]

I clearly stated I'm against any form of physical abuse. For many years spanking has been accepted form of punishment that's still used today. Whether you believe that it's a good form of punishment or not, it's used in virtually every culture.

 

What I'm getting from you is that you consider spanking as physical abuse. That's where people have different views. Am I going to defend parents that spank their child? Yes but I also defend anyone that's against it. That's why I say it's a personal choice.

 

Adults do not need to be hit, they can understand words. Children at young age sometimes can't. It doesn't mean you're allowed to punch their head every time they did something wrong. And trust me, I've lived in a country where that was accepted which I do not ever condone. My mom was hit by her dad when she did something wrong but with a full on fist against top of her head.