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drafted my BREAKUP letter, any comments?

newlife21

By newlife21
in Breaking Up Advice

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newlife21 Explorer

newlife21

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i drafted the following email to officially break up, almost clicked it twice but didn't. let me cool down a while and think again. what do you think of the email?

 

i switched off my handphone since my last sms to you. i know i am not doing right by switching off, forgive me for being so weak. i do not know if you had sms me, but during times when i needed you most, the irony is you will send me hurting sms. been hurt too many times.

 

when we were together, i felt that you loved me. you did a lot for me, very nice to me, made me very happy and i made you very happy too. just sitting next to each other, we always felt happy for no reason. i thought that was love. i still believe that defines the feeling of love. you only feel this way when you love that person, just want to be with that person.

 

i know you are a sensitive person, you pout easily. we are both very sensitive and reacts to each other easily. when you pout first, when you are unhappy first, i will support you. because of you, i improved myself, i made effort to get rid of certain short comings. i don't slam door anymore, i don't throw tantrums anymore, i managed to control my emotions better and even overcome my anxiety. i worked hard and worked hard, because i asked you before to trust me. i think i did accomplish what i wanted to accomplish for you.

 

but you broke my heart. i sms you for support literally that day, i don't do this all the time, you did not reply. all i wanted was to hear a few kind words from you that moment. i totally cannot comprehend. to make things worse, i cannot even ask you why. because you will be completely shut down, and ignore me totally and hurt me more.

 

you choose to throw away my heart for reasons i do not understand, i can only conclude that you do not care for me. i accept that, and i will not bother you anymore. please do not reply my email, let me heal quietly. even if you reply i will not read it, not because i want to be rude, but because i don't want to be hurt anymore.

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Theblueman123 Contributor

Theblueman123

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is semi LDR.

 

as mentioned in the mail, he shuts down all the time. he won't even answer my phone calls, i had long ago give up calling him during fights. only during good times he picks up.

 

Well in that case then an email would be very appropriate. As for your message, I would say since it's between you and him, put in it whatever you see fit (with the exception of hurtful statements). The only thing that you would need to change would be correct punctuation and grammar (capitalization, run on sentences, etc.)

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newlife21 Explorer

newlife21

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thanks. this email doesn't come accross as wanting to hurt him back right?

 

i still hesitate to send, i am weak because i still care for him. i don't want to throw the relationship away. i want him to to sorry, i don't want him to break up with me. if i say breakup, i better mean it and not becos i am using it as a strategy to make him say sorry. meaning, i should not expect anything if i say breakup. if not i am hurting myself again. so i still need to sort out my intention.

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newlife21 Explorer

newlife21

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it was not just a text message, it was a message asking for help and support. it wasn't the first time he did this to me.

 

no i am not sure i want to do this. it had been a week, he did not contact me to explain things. yes i switched off my handphone, but my homephone is sitll working and he could also email me, both he did not.

 

the negative feelings are snow balling, of course, no communication, nothing new for us. i don't see any effort on his side. and blame myself too, too weak to on my handphone. maybe he didn't sms, that is so him too.

 

i am so sorry, such bloody petty issue. i just want him to care for me. we do fine when we are together. maybe it is the distance that is killing us.

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Aurian Mentor

Aurian

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If you are not ready to break up, that doesn`t mean you have to swallow your feelings. Find a way to explain to him that sometimes you need him and when he makes it difficult for you to contact him and does not contact you, it makes you feel abandoned. A good relationship involves both people supporting each other, not one person doing all the "work".

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newlife21 Explorer

newlife21

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Aurian, thanks, i know, i tried, is so difficult i don't know why. he is 44 for goodness sake, how can he not know what you just said? but he doesn't. i am so sad, i recently label him as defective, either defective in his brain or he doesn't care about me. but how could he not care about me? he was totally into me and is going to buy a house and wants to marry me.

 

i am so tired of voicing out my feelings, it makes me feel like i am chasing him. i will rather die than to chase him again. i find it degrading to explain something any decent adult should know. that is why i am considering a break up.

 

i will take time to consider.

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

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i think i am not sending afterall, i am sorry i wasted your time. yes i am fickle, because i love him. i love being with him. i will just continue to be quiet.

 

This is a smart choice. If you send a breakup letter when you don't really want a breakup, that's transparent and manipulative--and he'd likely just demo that he can hurt you even worse by ignoring it.

 

If you really love this guy, then consider what I'm about to say not as a criticism, but as a strategic way of thinking that could possibly aid your relationship: Getting angry because someone fails to behave as you wish at the press of a button is a bit juvenile. If he does this also, then you've got double the chance of frying this thing to a crisp. ONE of you needs to be sane and mature enough for the both of you. It's a decision.

 

In your corner.

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newlife21 Explorer

newlife21

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thanks catfeeder, i totally understood what you meant.

 

i did exactly what you said before. the last two rounds when he was doing this shut down on me again, i waited nicely for him to recover, and told him that. when he recovered, he said he felt ashamed, and that he realised he was immature.

 

i guess the above lesson didn't stick, and may never will.

 

but i decide not to do anything now. i think his sms are usually manipulative during fights, so i still will not read them.

 

i will not even let him know i am hurting now.

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

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ok, i had sort out my thoughts.

 

if he is not defective, he will look for me.

 

if he is defective, he is not worthed my time discussing the whole issue, and i want out too if he is defective.

 

so, either way there is no need to send out the letter.

 

Well said. Understand that his way of coping when he's p'd off may not be something you appreciate, but in and of itself it does not make him defective--it's just what you don't 'like'.

 

Contact on demand is something that suffocates most people, and if your guy is a sulker, you're actually better off if he doesn't respond when he's angry. Once you shoot off words, you can never take them back. This fact can be enough to shut some people down to prevent total destruction.

 

In your corner.

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