lotus26 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 well this is the low down... Dated for a year, everything was great, in the last week he got distant, stopped calling as much. He dumped me on the sunday (about 5 weeks ago) via text, stating he was to busy for work to give me what i deserved. I was heart broken, My friend came over and said right lets get you out of the house and lets have a drink, I walk in the the pub, he is the first person i see, sitting there with his friends and a girl! my whole word feel to bits. I played it cool, smiled and waved and said hi, he almost died. I didnt want to leave the pub, like he had won. A few hours later i get texts telling me how beautiful and great i was and he is not seeing anyone, i replied as long as you are happy babe, left it at that. we went 6 days NC he started saying he made a huge mistake, he missed me, i gave him another chance, He used me all weekend for sex and dumped me again on the monday, i was heart broken agin. I went NC and he kept messaging me, 11 days ago i asked him to stop contacting me, i have not heard from him since, My question is we live 2 streets away, i am bound to bump in to him at some stage, what happends if i do? what happens if he is with another girl? how to i react? he knows i love him. I dont leave the house so i dont see him.\ I am not ready to date so i would be with other men, i will be alone. I cant avoid him much longer, how do i deal with it when i see him. It will tear my heart out, Link to comment
thrash Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 If he keeps bugging you about getting back together out in the field, simply tell him that he had his chance and keep right on trucking. That's about all you can do at this point. Don't let him get inside your head either. If you get an inkling of taking him back, just remember how you felt when he used you, and that you deserve more respect and care than that. Link to comment
ur02111222 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Well, if you run into him you could always try just saying, "hello," and then keep on walking. Link to comment
lotus26 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 He is not bugging me to get back anymore, I am sure he as moved on to his rebound, i just dont know how i will feel seeing them together all loved up. will kill me. Link to comment
Dinka Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I used to live in a very small town and I'd run into my ex all the time. At first it hurt so much because I loved him - it didn't matter if he was with someone else or not. It still hurt. I've run into him a few times in the past couple of years and, to be perfectly honest, it STILL hurt: because I remember how horribly he treated me and I was ashamed that I had let it go on for so long! It'll hurt if you do see him...but just remember that you did the 100% right thing that night in the pub: you held your head high and didn't give him the satisfaction! That's the right direction, keep going in it! Link to comment
bravebird Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 It'll hurt if you do see him...but just remember that you did the 100% right thing that night in the pub: you held your head high and didn't give him the satisfaction! That's the right direction, keep going in it! what if your ex gets satisfaction from your "happiness"? i feel that for some dumpers, they are released from guilt and let off the hook when they see or hear that you are doing great. (even when inside you're dying). i think that my ex sleeps a little easier because he's convinced himself that as long as i am ok the breakup was the right thing to do. ultimately, you've got to do what makes you feel ok. it's not about them. Link to comment
coolchick64 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Hey Lotus, I think it's time to just take the risk and get out there. It's not good for you to be stuck inside, afraid to go out. I think you'll find it's not so hard after a few days. I'm in a similar situation---smallish town and mine has a GF now---I've seen them together a few times. It'll happen again, I'm sure. However, I've gone out many many many times without seeing them. The chances really are pretty small. If it happens, trust that you'll know how to handle it when the time comes. What you do will depend on a lot of things---who he's with, who you're with, where you are, whether you're walking or sitting, how you're feeling that day----too many variables to come up with a definite plan. Know that no matter what, you can always choose to ignore or leave. It doesn't have to be more than that unless you want it to be. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 IMO, I think you way you acted at the pub is the way to go -- polite & civil but distant. I understand it's difficult to act that way sometimes, but if being classy was easy, everyone would do it, y'know? While a public emotional outburst (even a small one) might momentarily feel better, it's the sort of thing most people regret doing later, after the heat of the moment has passed. It's not about "letting them off the hook"...it's about maintaining your own dignity. Link to comment
coolchick64 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 what if your ex gets satisfaction from your "happiness"? i feel that for some dumpers, they are released from guilt and let off the hook when they see or hear that you are doing great. (even when inside you're dying). i think that my ex sleeps a little easier because he's convinced himself that as long as i am ok the breakup was the right thing to do. ultimately, you've got to do what makes you feel ok. it's not about them. This is an interesting point. I think no matter how you come off, it cuts both ways. If you seem happy, your ex will feel less guilt, but will also feel less powerful and perhaps, more curious/comfortable about approaching you. If you seem angry or hurt, they'll feel more guilty, but also satisfied that they wield that power over you and simultaneously turned off that you're so weak and pathetic. On the Getting Back forum, they advise seeming happy because it increases the chance of reconciliation . . . probably this is true. But if you don't care about reconciling, you should just do whatever you feel like doing, because it doesn't matter anyway. Link to comment
Dean_Wincheste Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Lotus, you still love him, but he doesn't and never will. You have no choice but force yourself to forget about him and move on. The more you cling onto him and your feelings for him, the more you will bring yourself down and get hurt. There's nothing you can do. You need to stop beating yourself up and regain the self-confidence you once had. The best thing to achieve that is to not stay at home and let your mind play tricks on you, and instead go out and exercise and keep yourself busy. Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Just act like he doesn't exist. Don't consume yourself in thought of what he thinks, hunny. Get out there and experience the world..meet new people, have fun, LIVE, work out, fine a new hobby...just don't let your life revolve around him. Link to comment
Ac143 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 When you walk by him, say hi and keep moving. Keep your head up and look happy. Just cause you aren't over him yet & still sad doesn't mean he has to know it. Dont give him the pleasure of looking sad or ignoring him. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I wasn't sad about my last breakup in the least when it happened, so I was just bound and determined to be a rock star again. Healthy, fit, attractive, fun, happy and totally thriving. So that's what I did. And when I saw him, I didn't feel anything except vicious satisfaction that I was thriving and he was still looking over longingly. It felt damn good. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 The way you dealt with the situation in the pub was so classy it ought to be framed and put on a wall! I can understand some of what you're going through because although I don't live near my ex, I'm very likely to run into him at festivals, people talk to me about him and, actually, I don't really want to know. It's like being constantly reminded of something I'd rather move away from. However, if you do see rather a lot of him/them then it will be less of a shock when you do, keep on doing what you're doing and in time the pain will pass. That I can promise you. Keep living your life the way you want to live it, as if you'd never met him, and don't let the worries about meeting him restrict you. Link to comment
LillyLooWho Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Even though you are dying on the inside, he doesn't know that if you act like you did in the pub. That's a good thing. Just like we wonder what they are thinking, they are wondering about us too. If he sees you and you seem upbeat then he thinks you've moved on, which is what you want him to think. You don't want his pity, right? God I certainly don't want my exs pity. uugh! Link to comment
lotus26 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 Thanks for the advice everyone. I really just need to get out there and who cares if i bumb in to him, why would i want someone eho treated me so bad anyway. The reason i am so embarressed is when i saw him at the pub i played it cool and played it cool until he dumped me the second time then i lost the plot a little and told him "i loved him, missed he" pretty muched begged (a big no no i regret more than anything) now i am scared he will just sit there and laugh at me in front of all his friends. I know seeing him will take me right back to were this all began. Surly dumpers are not that cold hearted they would sit there with someone else laughing at you. We broke up becuase apparetnly he was to busy (yeah right!) then i deserved better, then it was him not me, you know the usual. I guess time will heal things. But NC is the best thing you can EVER do, At first i did it because i wanted to be with him again but it gave me time to realise just because he doesnt love me it dosent mean no one else does, so why waste my time. Thanks again for the advice through my * * * * time Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 now i am scared he will just sit there and laugh at me in front of all his friends. Stay cool, stay classy, and even if he wanted to laugh, what's he got to laugh at? And even if he did laugh, it's going to be him that would look like an idiot, not you! He may be a heartless player, but that doesn't mean all his friends are! Link to comment
starlight40 Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Get your shoulders back and your head held high girl! Dont make out your happy and having a good time actually do it, i know its hard when your feeling the way you are but try and stop focussing so much on him, think about you and be good to yourself, do things that make you feel good, when you do go out make sure you have yourself done up to the nines, favourite clothes etc etc but do it for you so that you feel good, i promise you your not gunna feel crappy forever take it from one that knows ok hun xx Link to comment
lotus26 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 This is how little respect for me he has... When i saw him the day we broke up at the bar one of his friends at the table asked him for my number "well considering you are not seeing her can i" passing me around like a box of tissues! He gave his friend my number!!!! His friend never called me and i never knew this until we got back together for that weekend and he was telling me the story, i was so shocked and disgusted! How could he do that to me. e said he regretted doing it and made his friend delete my number, but he still did it. I feel so stupid. I know the time i see him i will be wearing my trackies with unbrushed hair, but thats just the way it goes i guess, all i can do is laugh about it. I just dont know hoe he can sit there with not a worry in the world why i am falling to pieces. He is a pig and i know this, which makes it harder cause i cant believe i am in love with someone like this. I cant believe he struts around like he is some player and thinks this behaviour is acceptable. Link to comment
starlight40 Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 " he is a pig" you answer your own questions hun, love wouldnt talk about someone like that, love is about respect, someone you look up to etc etc, i think if you look at it i dont think you like this man nevermind love him, i think your confidence has taken a bashing because youve been rejected, thats perfectly normal, your still reeling from whats happened but whats important is that you should know that you are worth so much more than this, you are. His behaviour is extremely immature which is why he struts around thinking hes done nothing wrong, hel get whats coming to him. Stop the focus on him and think about you and what you need, youl be stronger and wiser for this in the end. Link to comment
lotus26 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 Starlight, Thank you for the advice and taking time out to post. I know in my head this guy is a loser, my heart just needs to follow my head and everything will be peachy! x Link to comment
starlight40 Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Yes, and that in itself is sooo hard, i know that hun, ive recently been through similar to you, just had slightly longer than you to heal, its been hell, i know exactly what your going through i really do, i know at the moment it feels like your never going to feel better but you will honestly, if you look back at my previous threads on here (the ones ive left on) youl see what i mean, the state i was in etc. Feel free to PM me anytime if you wana talk ok xx Link to comment
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