eman88 Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Generally wondering what people think/feel about someone who goes into a dating wituation with casual intentions (short term, possibly exclusive but not marriage minded, sex, etc) rather than long term goals... As a man, I sometimes hear that women feel hurt/insulted if a man isnt looking to something more serious. Any takes on this? I've met a girl, I enjoy time with her, we are sleeping together, but because of a) where I am in my life right now with job, relocating etc. and b) wanting to 'play the field' so to say I am not looking to make a super long term committment. Would it make me a jerk to be looking to date someone but not looking for something beyond a few months at this time? Link to comment
gidget1 Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Everyone is different. You just have to find/meet the women with the same idea/outlook on dating as you! AND be upfront about your intentions from the very beginning. That's what I've always done. I happened to find myself in one LTR in the process though! Link to comment
eman88 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 is it considered being too much of a player to only look for dating short term? Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Not if you find a playmate. Link to comment
gidget1 Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 is it considered being too much of a player to only look for dating short term? Not in my opinion, no. But in other peoples opinions? Sure, why not. Everyone is different! I'm only 22 and am definitely not nowhere near ready to settle down or have another long term relationship. I like to meet and connect with many different people because life is about living and experience... plus I like my independence! Not if you find a playmate. Good call! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 No not at all as long as you are clear about your intentions (that is, if she asks you what your intentions are - if not, then you can assume she assumes you see other people or want to keep options open)- and if you are not sexually monogamous you should tell her that so she can choose how to protect herself (including by choosing abstinence). Link to comment
top bloke Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Just be honest with your views to her.Honesty is the key. Link to comment
taya Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 theres nothing wrong with that BUT make sure she knows where you stand with the relationship! Usually, when dating, girls probably tend to think towards serious, espically if your exculsive. They may not have marraige on their minds at that stage, but they haven't already decided that they are just gonna see you fo a few months and be done with you. Be honest with her. If she is fine with it and knows you may not be 'around' in the future, it could work. If your also sleeping with other people, let her know that too. At least for her safety. If you dont let her know, then yes, she will most likely think of you as a jerk. Basically coz you led her on.. just be honest. easiest way! Link to comment
eman88 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 I don't want to be a player, but I dont want to commit to someone super long term. I have not said I am looking for a long term relationship, but I have not said that I am not looking for one either...no discussion of it has come up at all. Link to comment
yourgravity Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I don't want to be a player, but I dont want to commit to someone super long term. I have not said I am looking for a long term relationship, but I have not said that I am not looking for one either...no discussion of it has come up at all. i dont think "super long term" needs to be discussed necessarily because no one knows what will happen that far out. U may just fall in love with the girl even if u didnt intend to. If youve made up your mind that u only want something to last until u relocate, or anything else specific like that, then it definitely should be discussed. Link to comment
eman88 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 i dont think "super long term" needs to be discussed necessarily because no one knows what will happen that far out. U may just fall in love with the girl even if u didnt intend to. If youve made up your mind that u only want something to last until u relocate, or anything else specific like that, then it definitely should be discussed. Is a month in without specifically stating this to someone too long/on the path to being misleading? She hasn't asked, and I havent brought it up... Link to comment
yourgravity Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Is a month in without specifically stating this to someone too long/on the path to being misleading? She hasn't asked, and I havent brought it up... It depends on what that month consisted of. Ive been dating a guy for a month, but weve only gone out on weekends, so its actyally not that much time spent/invested in each other so far. At this point, he doesnt owe me anything, he made no promises. We also have not had sex either, so that makes it a little less serious. I think as long as you know youre not leading her on, youre fine. Has she mentioned the future a lot? Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 It's fin as long as you don't lead her on and lie to her. Link to comment
eman88 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 It depends on what that month consisted of. Ive been dating a guy for a month, but weve only gone out on weekends, so its actyally not that much time spent/invested in each other so far. At this point, he doesnt owe me anything, he made no promises. We also have not had sex either, so that makes it a little less serious. I think as long as you know youre not leading her on, youre fine. Has she mentioned the future a lot? She has not mentioned the future at all. but we have been hanging out 1-2 times per week, a few sleepovers, and have been having sex since one week after we met. I have not made any promises, and I dont think I'm leading her on since she hasnt asked... Link to comment
eman88 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Following up here, should I mention the 'future' since I dont really know what I want our future to be at this point, or should I wait for her to mention/ask about it and then respond honestly? Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.