I brought her into friendzone, and she's replicating

[Keraron]

Firstly I would like to say that despite my young age I have come to believe, after numerous painful experiences, that friendship is more important than anything else, and can be the absolute basis of a committed, long-term relationship. I have seen it among the most closest and long-term couples I know and met in my life.

In the recent past I have acted with this conviction even with the girls I am interested in, but would like to ask a few opinions in case I took things too far. Basically I'm just asking for damage control ideas.

 

This one girl and I were extremely attracted to each other and we spent really a lot of time together for 2-3 weeks. However, I never explicitly asked her out because I thought she could be someone's girlfriend. I also beat around the bush and found the courage to ask her only a few days ago.

I asked her what is her relationship with a guy I thought to be her boyfriend, and she said that they were never together but that she "likes to have fun as long as she's single" and he's one of her guys to have fun with.

 

Before I asked this explicitly, I was still very pleased with our friendship, yet I think that I am the one who started bringing up topics and conversations that might have given her the idea that I want her as a friend, i.e. I spoke to her about my first love, introduced her to her once, spoke about my attitudes towards dating, about other women who want to date me, etc. and we just spoke about all that while joking and laughing, though she also slowly started talking about her boyfriends as well, and other guys she's interested in.

 

At the moment we spend 7-8 hours a day together, walking and talking, eating, watching movies, drama, museums, concerts. To be honest even if she was "just a friend" I never had a friend I spent so much time of my day with. At the beginning of this story, we once didn't see each other for 3 days and the day we met again she said, "Wow, I'm so happy to see you. We're like a couple, like husband and wife, who didn't see each other for ages!!"

 

One of the problems is that the "husband" (me) often gets jealous when she talks about and with other guys, though I sometimes got the impression that also the "wife" (her) gets extremely aggressive (starts insulting) when she sees me flirting with other girls.

 

Now... I think the main point here is that she doesn't know about my true interest for her, and I didn't tell her yet that for me "friendship is the basis of a committed romantic relationship".

 

Still I wanted to ask you any concrete steps to take at this point... on how to develop the situation.

[waveseer]

I can understand why you want a solid foundation to your romantic relationships, but would there be any harm in cluing her in to your long term plan or does that somehow ruin the surprise later?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Perhaps it is time to tell her your true intentions. Leaving someone in the dark like that could cause more harm than good. You also run the risk of her finding someone else if you continue to treat her as just a friend without making your romantic intentions clear to her.

[Keraron]

Perhaps it is time to tell her your true intentions. Leaving someone in the dark like that could cause more harm than good. You also run the risk of her finding someone else if you continue to treat her as just a friend without making your romantic intentions clear to her.

 

And how exactly should I make them clear to her NOW?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You just do it.....like millions of men around the world have approached the woman they are interested in and told her so. 13 year old boys approach 13 year old girls they are interested in...so clearly it is not rocket science.

[Keraron]

You just do it.....like millions of men around the world have approached the woman they are interested in and told her so. 13 year old boys approach 13 year old girls they are interested in...so clearly it is not rocket science.

 

But it's pointless...

 

Usually girls who like me approach me, not the other way round.

 

If she doesn't approach me, she truly doesn't like me.

[happylady]

How old are you? Sorry but "Usually girls who like me approach me, not the other way round. If she doesn't approach me, she truly doesn't like me." Is pretty absurd lol.

[Keraron]

How old are you? Sorry but "Usually girls who like me approach me, not the other way round. If she doesn't approach me, she truly doesn't like me." Is pretty absurd lol.

 

In my experience it has always been that way. If a girl really liked me she asked me out or told me.