Sex and Orgasm

[Raoul]

After 24 years, I find myself divorced and began dating. After about a year of seeing several different women, I find myself moving towards a steadier relationship with a wonderful woman who is also divorced.

 

We click on so many levels. She is a beautiful woman with a lot to offer, including the sexual side of being a couple, where she is as expressive and sensual as a man could ever want.

 

But I am, for the first time in my life (I'm 58), having trouble with orgasms and occasionally erections. This was never an issue during my marriage, which ended in 2008. It did seem to begin (erratically) as I re-entered dating.

 

Before this gets set into my new ways, I wanted to ask you here for perspectives and advice. Do other men have experience with this? Or do female partners have perspective for men in my situation?

 

I can be convinced that this is physiological and/or psychological. But that's less important than figuring out what to do about it as I hope that this relationship grows closer and longer.

 

What would you do? What would you recommend? What's been your experience?

 

Raoul

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Perhaps it has to do with the fact that you do not know these women well so you are not as comfortable with them and it makes you more nervous..hence performance issues. Remember that you were with the same woman for 24 years..then in the space of a year you were sampling other women before really getting to know them. It was out of your comfort zone because you were essentially having sex with strangers compared to the long relationship you had with your wife. Perhaps if this new relationship works out, over time you will feel more comfortable with her as you get to know her better, and the performance will no longer be a problem.

[quirky]

do you have the same problem when by yourself?

[jul-els]

Here's a good book on the subject:

 

link removed

[blueeyedme]

Hmm... married for 24 years makes you 44+ right? Hate to say it, but you are just getting older - and their is a pill for that...in fact there are 3. Discuss with you Dr. and get some samples...you will feel like your 20 again.

[Raoul]

do you have the same problem when by yourself?

 

Haven't thought of that of late.

[Raoul]

Perhaps it has to do with the fact that you do not know these women well so you are not as comfortable with them and it makes you more nervous..hence performance issues. Remember that you were with the same woman for 24 years..then in the space of a year you were sampling other women before really getting to know them. It was out of your comfort zone because you were essentially having sex with strangers compared to the long relationship you had with your wife. Perhaps if this new relationship works out, over time you will feel more comfortable with her as you get to know her better, and the performance will no longer be a problem.

 

This sounds closest to the truth. It is all rather new, especially after a long-term relationship. I just felt weird not having an orgasm as most men seem to have quite the opposite problem of having orgasms too quickly.

 

'Blueeyedme', I was hoping to avoid the 'better living through chemistry' route. But that is certainly out there for me, I know. Its just that it wasn't even close to an issue until I bacame single again (Fall, 2008). As that's not that long ago, I figured someting else must be going on.

 

And its not like this is a crisis. I just don't want to let this pass and become consistent as I move ahead with my life.

 

Thanks to all,

Raoul

[dogboy]

In all likelihood this problem is between the ears. Usually, using Viagra or one of it's bretheren a few times will allow your brain to relax enough that things will normalize. Good luck.

[Raoul]

In all likelihood this problem is between the ears. Usually, using Viagra or one of it's bretheren a few times will allow your brain to relax enough that things will normalize. Good luck.

 

Dogboy,

 

Thanks. I've been wondering about the wonder drugs. I just didn't want to get used to their effects instead of dealing with the issue. This sounds like good advice.

 

Raoul