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My bf is in a relationship triangle with another couple and I'm freaked out.

sarahN

By sarahN
in Dating Advice

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sarahN Explorer

sarahN

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I just started dating a guy exclusively and I've been seeing him in total a month. We are getting along great, keeping things casual and fun.

 

He has two best friends. These two people are a guy and a girl and happen to be long term dating. The three of them spend weekends going for walks, having picnics, and basically spend all their time together as though the three of them are dating. He even makes comments about how he loves the both of them. I thought this entire situation was weird but tried to be open minded about it considering he and I have such a blast.

 

But....

 

Last night when we were all hanging out something very strange happened. His best girlfriend got extremely upset out of nowhere, and lashed out at all of us, claiming that we were excluding her from our conversations the entire night. This tantrum lasted about 20 minutes with lots of yelling and slamming of doors (she's 25). I personally didn't know what the hell was going on so I kept quiet. Her bf (my bf's best guy friend) totally brushed her off as if nothing happened and continued on with the conversation. My boyfriend had this look of genuine worry and compassion on his face and kind of got quiet.

 

She then locks herself in her bedroom and we can hear her out of control sobbing (again... she's 25 -- lol). My boyfriend, not her boyfriend, but MY boyfriend then gets up, goes into her room, DOOR CLOSED, and consoles her for about 45 min (the whole time her bf is talking to me as if nothing is going on). My guy then comes out and tells me that she wants me to leave.

 

What the

 

Would this entire scenerio rub anyone else the wrong way?

 

Ok, I'm not stupid, I know she is jealous of me. It just really freaked me out that my boyfriend was doing the job of what her boyfriend should have been doing. I feel like the three of them have this twisted relationship and I'm thinking about walking away from the whole thing.

 

Is this too much drama way too soon???

Would anyone else break up with the guy over this??

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nace180 Newbie

nace180

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I agree with the person above me.

 

Although I'd never expect a new relationship to disregard people that they've known for a long time, I think the fact that he cared more about what she was going through than what you might me thinking is completely backwards. He should be trying to foster an emotional connection with you.

 

It's not something I'd get myself messed up with.

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HouseKitten Contributor

HouseKitten

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Cut and run.

 

There's no way he's going to give up his weird three-way relationship with them. And unless you're okay being excluded by this girl and having her make it impossible for you to stick around, since it's obviously you she has a problem with, I'd get out of there.

 

He's in an odd situation. And frankly, her boyfriend should have been comforting her, not yours. And when she throws a tantrum and says you have to go, he supports her?

 

Too weird. I can't see this ending well if you stay with him.

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Celestialagape54 Enthusiast

Celestialagape54

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Excuse my brashness but..............Run!

 

OP I totally agree with macleod, you need to cut this guy and run. Even he is acting this way with only a month into the relationship, what the heck is he going to be doing if things get serious.

 

What if the two if his friends were to break up, is YOUR boyfriend going to be the one "consoling" her?

 

Way too messy...way too much drama for one month...

 

Cut this guy! He does not seem worth the drama he would bring into your life!!

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sarahN Explorer

sarahN

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I'm bummed out now. I wasn't expecting everyone to think it was as bad as I did. I'm kind of depressed now. One little extra, when I asked him if he liked her as more than friends, he said he cared for her like a sister. I don't know if that makes a difference. And I think he went to comfort her because her boyfriend wasn't. I'm probably just making excuses for him at this point.

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arcadefire Apprentice

arcadefire

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Yes, I think you are making excuses for his behavior.

 

This "friendship" with his best guy's girl is almost bordering on infidelity. If I were that girl's bf, I would think it odd to spend an hour with her alone in a bedroom "comforting" her, don't you think?

 

It seems like she can't stand the fact that your current bf is now yours and not hers alone. Not a triangle/square/diamond or whatnot you want to get involved in. She sounds psycho.

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

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I'm bummed out now. I wasn't expecting everyone to think it was as bad as I did. I'm kind of depressed now. One little extra, when I asked him if he liked her as more than friends, he said he cared for her like a sister. I don't know if that makes a difference. And I think he went to comfort her because her boyfriend wasn't. I'm probably just making excuses for him at this point.

 

It's not BF consoling her that's the problem. The problem is that he not only allowed her to kick you out, he delivered the message himself.

 

That's a no-brainer--walk away. No drama, no lectures--there's zero point in that. He's already showed you what he's made of, and it's disrespectful of you.

 

In your corner.

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

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I can't imagine a friend of his freaking out because I was upsetting them by being there. And I REALLY can't imagine a boyfriend telling me that it was my fault and that I should leave.

 

I can't imagine my boyfriend not standing up for me and telling her to grow up in that situation.

 

Exactly. Did this guy at least leave with you, or did he just give you the toss?

 

I really understand that you feel terrible, and the only point of saying these things is to clarify for you that you did NOT deserve this.

 

Hopefully you won't put up with it. (You'll thank yourself later.)

 

In your corner.

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Inquirer89 Explorer

Inquirer89

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You should get out before things get worse. There is much more going on between the three of them than what you've already seen. Your boyfriend shouldn't be trying to calm her down, that's her bf's job. You need to cut your losses now before you get hurt further down the road. You don't need to tolerate that kind of childishness from her or the disrespect your boyfriend has shown you already.

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Speranza Newbie

Speranza

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I'm bummed out now. I wasn't expecting everyone to think it was as bad as I did. I'm kind of depressed now. One little extra, when I asked him if he liked her as more than friends, he said he cared for her like a sister. I don't know if that makes a difference. And I think he went to comfort her because her boyfriend wasn't. I'm probably just making excuses for him at this point.

 

Sweetheart, you did ask us... What were you expecting/wanting? Were you wanting us to say, "Ignore your gut feeling, stay with him, cos you deserve no better and it's going to be impossible to find anyone else, EVER!!" ???

 

Women who ignore their gut feeling get raped/abused/treated badly somehow. It's there for a reason, it led you to post on here. And now you have our answer.

 

Why on EARTH, after just a MONTH, would you even be questioning whether it's right to get out?

 

I'm going to say this one more time. Let's see if anyone shares my concern:

 

THEY MAY BE GROOMING YOU FOR SOMETHING UTTERLY WEIRD.

 

Can you give us ANY reason for staying in this 'relationship'?

 

GET OUT! And if you don't want to hear this, post on some weirdo wife-swapping site...

 

(And if this is you 'getting along great, keeping things casual and fun', I don't want to hear what comes next. It's allegedly 'casual'. Get out. End of).

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