brookedBD Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Hi, im new but have been looking around for a while. My bf and i have been together for about 5 months. He is a different kind of guy, he is very respectable and very devoted. He has been very strong in his faith since he was little. I have completely fallen in love with him. But right now im having 2 problems with him. 1.) There is a girl at his school that he previously liked, and had flirted with BIG time. He's a naturally friendly guy, and some people take it as flirting, and usually i know it isnt. But, i dont like this girl. She has said on numerous occasions that if he were available, she would like him. Hes been friends with her since their 'almost' relationship 2 yrs ago. Recently, he and i were having a problem, and he told her about it. I freaked out, got insane, and was pretty much a mess. He then felt horrible and proceeded to apologize constantly and i could tell he felt pretty bad. Since then i am trying to be ok with him seeing this girl everyday(we see each other maybe 3x a week cuz of my work and school) and talking to her...she's really the only one i have an issue with. What can i do now?? I hate him talking to her. 2.) Like i said my bf has been very strong in his faith. At the start of our relationship, he didnt want to have sex til marriage, and i was fine with that. But he didnt want to do all the other stuff either. I was a bit dissapointed, not going to lie, because even though i have my faith too, my experience level is way diff than his unfortunately. Well, things started to happen, and after a month til now weve just been doing some stuff, but never sex. And now, he just wants to stop because he feels its wrong now. Soooo, what can i do now? Can our relationship still survive after doing that then now just stopping? Link to comment
elite867 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Hi Brooked, I can definitely sympathize about both your issues. 1. In a relationship you want to be your man's best friend as well as his girl friend. While he is not being intimate with ther sexually, he is being intimate with her on a friend level. I would have a problem with this too - some others may not. I believe that if you are in a committed LTR leading to marriage you can have opposite sex friends but you should hang out as a couple...not an individual. I would try to talk to him about in a cool and collected manner. Just to be sure he knows how you feel. Don't make him feel guilty or threaten him with leaving or anything like that. Just use the "I feel ____ when you _____" and try to keep it real and true to what your heart is telling you. 2. It is totally ok to be somewhat intimate and then not. My ex bf and I were waiting for marriage too. We started out trying to be very good all the time. But we had a few slips and did somethings that were not actual intercourse...well you know. Anyway, we did this for a while and then he wanted to stop. He said these things all lead to sex and it was not right to do them. It was hard for me because I enjoyed being with him in that way. But I respected his wishes. Anyway, keep you head up. If it is meant to be, it will be. And if it is, you will have the rest of your lives to do all sorts of things together and you will look back on this time of self-control with fond memories. Hope this helped a bit... Link to comment
brookedBD Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 Thanks so much. I really appreciate your answer. Link to comment
gsxr104 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 I think that speaks volumes for you to be that special to him as to want to wait till marriage with you.Do you realize how many of those kind are actually left out there. It seems like to me that you have a rare champion that cares very much for you. As for this girl that you say makes you uncomfortable, I wouldn't worry about her. She probably wishes that she were in your shoes. Link to comment
brookedBD Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 He is an extremely special guy. He said that he was disrespecting me when we fooled around, and that he wants to wait until marriage to 'really love me that way" I know its sweet and i know he wants to respect me. I just get worried sometimes haha. Link to comment
brookedBD Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 Oh, one thing i want to ask...By him talking to this girl in front of me, or cheering her on in her schools soccer game, and watching her like a hawk, does that mean anything?? Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 hm. my advice with this girl is to befriend her. try to figure out what it is that your boyfriend finds so interesting about her. make her such a good friend that she wouldn't dream of taking your man! invite her out to lunch, out shopping, just the two of you. as they say, keep your friends close, your enemies closer.... regarding the intimacy - well, if his morals are to wait, and yours are not, there could be some troubles. have you two talked about having a future together? Link to comment
arwen Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 I completely agree with Annie. I do think that differing morals regarding sex can be a huge problem in a relationship. How about the other things? How would he see a future with you, would he and you be equals in a marriage when it comes to work/taking care of children, would they be raised to be as devoted as he is? That kind of thing? The reason I ask, is because of his strong devotion to his faith. I come from a charismatic/evangelical background (I broke away from it myself, I am an agnost ever since I was able to read books I think). It is very important that he and you don't have big differences in those very important areas. Also, seeing that you ARE ready to take things to the next level sexually, would YOU wait until marriage? Is that YOUR decision independent of his views? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Since this guy is so strict about his moral code, it seems you should have zero to worry about in terms of him confiding private stuff to this girl any more. He already witnessed your reaction and learned his lesson. Chances are he's not invested only in upholding morality in one area of his life (sex, which even feels good) while ditching morality just to gossip to some girl. He's known the girl long enough to have had plenty of opportunities if he saw her as GF material--you're the one he picked. That means you can afford to be gracious toward her. If you can drop the chip about her, you won't risk coming off as petty and insecure. It's not necessary. Your kindness to his friends will make you a hero, so be charming when around her, and just avoid her when you can. In your corner. Link to comment
brookedBD Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 thank you very much for your responses. we have talked a bit about a future. honestly i can see myself marrying him down the road. he wants me to become stronger in my faith as well, so im thinking that if i truly try and am respectful of his wishes, mine will soon become the same, or my desire for intimacy wont be as resentful towards him. As far as this girl is concerned, i think i am maybe blowing it out of proportion a bit. Ive been very hurt in the past and have alot of emotional baggage and scars. I am going to work on this and just trust that he is not interested in her or betraying me in any way Link to comment
arwen Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 thank you very much for your responses. we have talked a bit about a future. honestly i can see myself marrying him down the road. he wants me to become stronger in my faith as well, so im thinking that if i truly try and am respectful of his wishes, mine will soon become the same, or my desire for intimacy wont be as resentful towards him. As far as this girl is concerned, i think i am maybe blowing it out of proportion a bit. Ive been very hurt in the past and have alot of emotional baggage and scars. I am going to work on this and just trust that he is not interested in her or betraying me in any way Do YOU want your faith to be 'stronger'? Or do you want it for him? It sounds a bit manipulative to me, your faith is your own choice and you should make choices based on personal convictions, not because someone else thinks you should think in a certain way. Link to comment
brookedBD Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 My faith has been yo-yo-ing for years. I think i have trouble with the "Oh i just want to have fun now" kind of thing, and put it on the back burner, esp when it came to guys. Now that i have a guy who can possibly help me move forward and not give up my faith, well, we'll see how it goes! Link to comment
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