ycmanvs Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 After more than a year of not dating and taking a break from any relationships, I FINALLY met someone who is amazing. We met online, on a dating site, but we exchanged numbers right away and talked on the phone for 2 hours before we met in person a week later... Things have been moving fast. It's only been a month, but we feel as if we have known eachother all our lives... We even look alike and think alike about most things and the sex is unbelievable. So, my advice is this..... Take a break. Find your sense of self. Be happy, healthy...and eventually, it WILL happen...when you least expect it. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 Congrats! *kiss on the left cheek, kiss on the right cheek* Enjoy it, but pace yourself. lol. Do agree with your message, too. Link to comment
hers Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 I'm very happy to hear this!! It gives me hope that I'll find something soon. I've been single more than a year as well and am ready, so ready, to be back in a relationship after I've taken such a long break to work through some issues that I have. I feel like now I can offer something to another person. Good luck to you! Link to comment
Celestialagape54 Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 After more than a year of not dating and taking a break from any relationships, I FINALLY met someone who is amazing. We met online, on a dating site, but we exchanged numbers right away and talked on the phone for 2 hours before we met in person a week later... Things have been moving fast. It's only been a month, but we feel as if we have known eachother all our lives... We even look alike and think alike about most things and the sex is unbelievable. So, my advice is this..... Take a break. Find your sense of self. Be happy, healthy...and eventually, it WILL happen...when you least expect it. ycmanvs I am so happy for you. I know exactly how you feel because the same thing happened to me. I was out of the dating field for an entire year...the last person I was seeing didn't work out but.... I recently met someone new and he seems amazing...I know that feeling where it seems like you have known each other forever...its a great feeling... Just be careful and even though you know things are moving fast be mindful of the fact that not too much time has gone by and things could fall apart...just don't put all your eggs in one basket so to speak....well at least not yet!! Good luck and I hope everything keeps going great for you!! Link to comment
Ammy Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 Congratulations! I'm happy for you... It does give us all hope! Ammy Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 12, 2009 Author Share Posted September 12, 2009 ycmanvs I am so happy for you. I know exactly how you feel because the same thing happened to me. I was out of the dating field for an entire year...the last person I was seeing didn't work out but.... I recently met someone new and he seems amazing...I know that feeling where it seems like you have known each other forever...its a great feeling... Just be careful and even though you know things are moving fast be mindful of the fact that not too much time has gone by and things could fall apart...just don't put all your eggs in one basket so to speak....well at least not yet!! Good luck and I hope everything keeps going great for you!! I am being careful. However, when things are going well, there is no need for games and rules and trying to figure out what the other person is thinking or doing. There is a natural flow of conversation and a natural flow to the relationship. We talk about everything and there are no secrets or hang-ups. If it does not work out (which is always a possibility), at least I will know that I had a great time and a great relationship....but why think of a negative result, when a positive one is so much more plausible !!!! Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 12, 2009 Author Share Posted September 12, 2009 I'm very happy to hear this!! It gives me hope that I'll find something soon. I've been single more than a year as well and am ready, so ready, to be back in a relationship after I've taken such a long break to work through some issues that I have. I feel like now I can offer something to another person. Good luck to you! It was not until I stopped thinking about being in a relationship, that I found one. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 Congratulations! Maybe I should take my sweet time as well, I mean I am "talking" to someone recently, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to be in a relationship as of yet. :S But hey, whatever happens, happens. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 12, 2009 Author Share Posted September 12, 2009 Congratulations! Maybe I should take my sweet time as well, I mean I am "talking" to someone recently, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to be in a relationship as of yet. :S But hey, whatever happens, happens. You will know it when you meet the right person. It will hit you hard, but you will know it. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 12, 2009 Author Share Posted September 12, 2009 Congrats! *kiss on the left cheek, kiss on the right cheek* Enjoy it, but pace yourself. lol. Do agree with your message, too. What exactly do you mean by "pace yourself"? Link to comment
hers Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 What exactly do you mean by "pace yourself"? probably means don't get head over heels so fast and to take things as they come so you don't fall too hard and end up getting hurt. that's how i interpret it anyway. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 You will know it when you meet the right person. It will hit you hard, but you will know it. I don't think the guy I am talking to has "hit me" yet. Does that mean I shouldn't pursue it? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 I agree with the pace yourself advice. Also, I don't buy the "when you least expect it" since you had a profile on an online dating site so obviously you were affirmatively looking for someone (even if the profile wasn't that active, having it means that you are very open to and interested in meeting someone). I do agree that being desperate decreases the chances of meeting someone, but on the other hand being passive and going with "it will happen when I'm not looking at all" doesn't make much sense either. I also think it's great that you met someone you connect with. I can relate to the "know each other all our lives" feeling. So enjoy the feeling! I don't think it says much about whether you two will still be compatible/happy in 6 months, a year or longer (just read the many threads here as an example of how things can be perfect in the beginning especially with strong chemistry and then take a different turn later on). This is not meant to be cynical, just realistic - sure, there's a good chance this is a happily ever after story - but I think the real accomplishment is if after a year together, you're still happy/compatible/connected. It's not so difficult to meet someone you are into for a short time period. It is great news for people who feel like they can't even get past the starting line in the crazy world of dating -- that must feel great for you, too! Have fun! Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 I was thinking 'sex before a month'????..... I agree with Batya. Weve all had month long, even three month long flings. The telling time, will be if you are together and a year down the road. And I've had the 'feel like i known him all my life' quite a few times... I met my guy online btw.....we are still together after a year and a half. Link to comment
desert_rose26 Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 wow....I've never had the feeling of "having known him forever"...but then again I've only had one relationship where I still didn't have that feeling... what if you don't have that feeling with the one you're dating? is that a bad thing? congrats to the OP for meeting someone...I also agree it'll take time to tell...usually after the lust and infatuation wears off. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 What exactly do you mean by "pace yourself"? I meant to take your time to enjoy it. Take your time getting to know each other....pacing the relationship. See, I relate a lot to your post. I spent a bit over 2 years basically flying solo, only casually dipping my toes into the dating pool. Mostly working on the relationship with myself and learning how to really, truly enjoy it. Well, a few months ago I started to see a man who ...had me excited right from the beginning. Ever since, I've been in this 'new' phase for me of trying to toe that line of being fully present in the moment/relationship and where it is at and can go, while at the same time trying to be cautious and use my brain (for lack of a better term this early on a saturday). It's super exciting and I totally agree with you: there is no benefit of waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time. But when something so good and that goes so right comes along, it's so worth it to savour each little bit for what it's worth, not because something bad might happen, but because after working so hard and living this long, it just seems to make sense. I hope this doesn't come accross downer to you. I'm happy things are going so well for you! I just find it kinda fun how growing up and having been through quite a few experiences and relationships already, it's cool how that ability to take in and be filled with appreciation for the little things can increase so much. I love butterflies, but the stuff that develops from simmering it all down over time...that is what is getting my heart all ridiculous lately. best wishes. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 wow....I've never had the feeling of "having known him forever"...but then again I've only had one relationship where I still didn't have that feeling... what if you don't have that feeling with the one you're dating? is that a bad thing? congrats to the OP for meeting someone...I also agree it'll take time to tell...usually after the lust and infatuation wears off. I don't think it's bad at all not to have that feeling - it depends on how often you see each other, how open each of you is with his/her feelings (to me it's better to be a little more reserved than substituting verbal diahrhhea for getting to know someone at a reasonable pace over a period of time - not that expressing feelings right away is always verbal diarrhea but I think the impulse sometimes is to overshare and then assume you know all about each other after a week). Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 24, 2009 Author Share Posted September 24, 2009 Things are still going really well. We see eachother a couple of times a week. I met his friends and he met mine and we all really got along. Things are progressing nicely and for the first time in my life I feel that someone actually cares about me. I really think it was worth taking that year off from dating. Link to comment
Timbone Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 That's great, yc, really awesome! I think that having read this now I will take your advice and take some time off from dating if my prospects wind up not working out the way I like. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 I think it's about having self-confidence, not taking time off from dating. I think you can improve self-confidence and date at the same time, as long as you are careful with the choices you make - if you're feeling extra fragile then recognize that you might not make the best choices. The OP is referring to someone she has been dating a very short time, so all we know is that she thinks that taking a year off from dating allowed her to find a person who she has had mutual interest with for a short time -- many dating relationships that are this new feel like this. It could be a sign that they are meant to be together forever or... not. Too soon to tell and certainly too soon to draw conclusions about success in relationships from the OP's decision to take time off from dating. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 I think it's about having self-confidence, not taking time off from dating. I think you can improve self-confidence and date at the same time, as long as you are careful with the choices you make - if you're feeling extra fragile then recognize that you might not make the best choices. The OP is referring to someone she has been dating a very short time, so all we know is that she thinks that taking a year off from dating allowed her to find a person who she has had mutual interest with for a short time -- many dating relationships that are this new feel like this. It could be a sign that they are meant to be together forever or... not. Too soon to tell and certainly too soon to draw conclusions about success in relationships from the OP's decision to take time off from dating. Actually, I have been in many relationships that started off well, but this one seems much different. I have trust in him, which I never did before. I do not need to see him every day and I do not need to call him all the time. He makes me feel safe. He takes care of me. He cooks for me. He cleans and does my laundry and he drives me to work. We both travel for work and when we are apart, we talk to eachother and we share our lives. I cannot put into words why this is different, but it is. I know what you are trying to say, but I also know that what I have now is really good. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Actually, I have been in many relationships that started off well, but this one seems much different. I have trust in him, which I never did before. I do not need to see him every day and I do not need to call him all the time. He makes me feel safe. He takes care of me. He cooks for me. He cleans and does my laundry and he drives me to work. We both travel for work and when we are apart, we talk to eachother and we share our lives. I cannot put into words why this is different, but it is. I know what you are trying to say, but I also know that what I have now is really good. Yes, I agree that it is really good. If you are saying that after this short a time period you know that this relationship will work for the long term then sure, you feel what you feel - in my direct and indirect experience it is very easy to feel that way early on even if it feels "different' from other relationships -- you need to get to know someone over a longer period of time to see whether you are compatible for the long term. For example, you have not seen how he is on the various holidays, your birthdays, when he has a bad day at work (not just a few bad days so far, more than that), a huge project at work, when he is sick or when you are (again not just once or twice), how he is around his friends, famiy, colleagues, how he is on vacation with you and without you, when he has financial troubles or when he has a windfall of money-- all of these life situations that simply can't happen -- or can't happen often enough - in a short period of time. Don't listen to me, all you need to do is read the many threads on this message board and countless others about how people feel in the beginning. Like I wrote, you two might end up together for 50 years happily married so in no way is this meant to be negative, just disagreeing that you can predict based on this short time period (and suggesting that getting your hopes up like this might not be the best idea - again not to be negative, just realistic). I'm talking about cautious optimism to an extent that you disagree with. By the way I think it's very nice that he takes care of you and that you value being taken care of in the way he takes care of you. That could continue to feel great as it does now, or it could end up feeling a bit suffocating/controlling at times down the road -- or he could stop doing some or all of those things after the "honeymoon" period which woudn't be negative necessarily, just a normal change that happens at times in a relationship. That's one example of what I mean about getting to know someone over a period of time. I am so glad you're enjoying what you have now - it is precious, I agree! And it's great to share positive experiences from meeting people through on line sites (I also met some really great people that way) because so much of the impression is negative in one way or another. Link to comment
easyguy Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 "It will happen when you least expect it." Ain't that the truth. The moment I stopped looking and was the most at peace with myself, someone walked into my life. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 "It will happen when you least expect it." Ain't that the truth. The moment I stopped looking and was the most at peace with myself, someone walked into my life. Yes I think it happens for some people and it always makes for a far more interesting story than the people who affirmatively look for a good life partner. I never expected to reconnect with my long ago ex boyfriend over a casual, friendly dinner -- what should have ended after two hours is still goign strong, 4 years later and we're now married and parents! But, I was affirmatively looking - like the OP I had ads up on online dating sites, it's just that this catch up dinner with the ex was not supposed to be a date -- the opposite if there is such a thing! The OP met this person through an online dating site so obviously she was putting herself out there in an active way to meet someone - not so sure this is a "when you least expect it example". But I think it's a great example that on line dating sites are a great and totally valid way to meet good, suitable people to date I do agree that it will happen when you are not desperate, so that the opposite - looking too hard and being overeager/needy usually sabotages things. But staying in your home and not doing on line dating or making any efforts is not going to make it happen (unless, lke my friend you met your husband on a rainy valentine's day in your building's laundry room, lol). Link to comment
legallady1 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Congrats!!! what dating website did you use? Link to comment
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