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Is it wrong of me to get pissed about this?


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So my girlfriend works at this store with a bunch of guys. She always texts me about how much fun they have together at the store and how hilarious they are. Sometimes she'll send me some funny pictures of them doing stupid stuff, and it normally doesn't bother me. Today I was over her house after work and she was cycling through the pictures on her phone that she took today. There were a few that kind of bothered me. One was of her behind the first guy (who is around 17 or 18 years old) with his hat on and her arms around his stomach with huge smiles on both their faces. The second was her holding her arm around another guy (also around 17) with his arm around her also with huge smiles. It seemed like she was trying to hide the phone from me, and I didn't comment about it. About 10 minutes later I told her I was tired and I had to leave...but deep down inside I was steaming. I don't know why I got so pissed. I'm sure they're harmless, but it bothers me that these guys can make her feel so good and they're all touchy feely on her. She's a very attractive girl, so it wouldn't surprise me if they have other intentions.


Also, the second guys facebook status was "no bonfire tonight. chillin the rest of the night." and my girlfriend commented with: "shoulda came to MY fire


except she wasn't having a fire and was supposedly studying all night. What the hell does that mean?


She always tells me how she wouldn't cheat, but you can never tell. I've been cheated on in the past and I have major insecurities about this. I get jealous VERY easily. Is this a valid concern I should bring up? Or am I just being stupid with all of this?

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Uh, I don't know the full context ... perhaps you could probe into it to get more information ... but my interpretation is that "shoulda came to my fire" is sending her platonic friend the wrong message, that is if he is just platonic or a work associate.


This is how I'd an image, click on a "QUOTE" button at the foot of any message in a thread to which you want to post. If you don't want to include a quote, make sure you select and delete the quote text which comes up. In any case, this will bring up a full message creation "console". It is a GUI interface for using the code which can help you to add image files and other things. You can add attachments, pictures (linked from other sites), create hyperlinks, etc.


Anyways, I don't so much need to see an image of your gal with other guys, but would be happy to look at them if you want. I understand your discomfort. I'd trust your gut.

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I had a girlfriend once who used to do a lot of things which probably could have made me jealous. I thought what she was doing seemed immature. I pretty much wrote it off while it was happening. I think it is possible she may have been originally trying to get my attention by flirting with other guys. Or it was some other kind of problem which definitely had nothing to do with me. I do remember thinking then I did not want to reward her with attention and reinforce the behavior. In any case, after several years of this (and a lot of other stuff on both her side of the street and mine), she ended-up cheating on me. In the end I don't think she was so much trying to foster jealousy. In the end, she sabotaged the relationship because she wasn't getting all she needed from me.


Like most break-ups -- especially those involving infidelity -- it was devastating. After we broke-up we went our merry ways. But when I fell in love again, she stalked me and my next girlfriend for at least a year (traveling repeatedly 4 hours to my new town!).


Ten years later I went out with friends and she and her husband were also present. I noticed that night she continued to be flirty with other men, even strangers. By this time I was in my mid-thirties, absolutely uninterested in her, and had much more experience observing people. And I observed the same old flirtiness I used to know. It still seemed inappropriate. I also noticed her hubbie being really unnerved. I was happy not to be with her. I was very happy not to be him. I said nothing.


Truth is, our partners don't really make us jealous. It is our thinking which makes us jealous.

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Truth is, our partners don't really make us jealous. It is our thinking which makes us jealous.


That's definitely true. I harbor up things in my mind so much that even the most ridiculous, miniscule things to some people will blow up and look huge to me. It's my way of thinking. Because I've been thrown in the mud before I just always find the negative side of things. It's so hard for me to trust because of this.

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I can usually find a positive in any negative ... see the half-full of every half glass ... and/or have faith that the Universe has a good plan I can't see. But trusting romantic partners can be a problem for me, too. I might not get jealous. I just don't count on women being honest and having staying power in a relationship.


You and I have a similar curse of not trusting as a result of previous betrayals. I've got to work on that so I don't take that cloud into some good person's life who might date me in the future.


All that I can think to do is look to see what my part was in getting myself into prior dishonest situations. And then try not to repeat this in the future.

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Im not surprised you dont trust her. She is giving you every cause and concern, not to trust her. She rubs these guys in your face in mentioning them and telling you constantly, what great times they have....while showing pics of herself draped around all these guys necks....

What would her reaction be I wonder....if it were you telling her how great your female friends were and hanging around their necks on camera and 'up close'....


She sounds VERY immature and Im sure these guys above commentng, wouldnt be too comfortable if their women behaved the same.....despite saying otherwise.


When one is in a relationship, they shouldnt behave with the opposite sex, like they are young, free and single.....and that is what she is doing. These guys she is toying with, will likely be reading more into her actions, than she claims...


In fact one of them is likely to be on some forum somewhere, asking:


"Theres this girl at work, does she like me"....??

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I completely agree. It is one thing to be laughing and joking around with co-workers but there should be no touchy feelies and no sexual innuendoes. Her comment about the fire was indeed a sexual innuendo and was very inappropriate. She is clearly flirting with those guys in order to get them interested in her...not necessarily to cheat on you, but because it feeds her ego to have men hanging all over her.

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i dont blame you for being annoyed at that.


I think its innapropriate for a girlfriend to act that way around a bunch of guys. I know some girls may have really close male friends that are purely that...but work friends? No. You might do the 'photo pose' standing nex to each other, but not arms wraped around me.


Truthfully, i woudn't even want another mans arms wrapped around me. And for her to show you them...kind of rubbing it in your face. I bet she wouldn't like to see photos of you with a bunch of girls all drapping themselves over you.


while she might be truthful in saying she wont cheat, her actions are a little odd. And unfortunately, anyone in a relationship that sees their partner with a bunch of people of the opposite all in each others arms is going to be 'what the' unless you know the people i supose.

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Im sure these guys above commentng, wouldnt be too comfortable if their women behaved the same.....despite saying otherwise.

All I said was even when I was in a relationship with a woman doing these types of things (and I had the self-confidence to not let her drive me crazy with jealousy) the relationship still did not work out. In fact, not only was the relationship a disaster, but she took the same behavior into her current marriage.


If anything, her behavior lessened my desire to marry her. In time she drifted away. So I add now that in letting her behavior slide, I wasted a lot of my time. On the other hand, this is how I learned.


The points I am trying to get accross in above posts are:


  • she is just this way, it has nothing to do with our OP.
  • what is driving him crazy is essentially his thoughts, not her.
  • he and I need to figure-out how to avoid choosing getting into relationships with flirtatious flakes like this again.

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On one hand, I wouldn't worry, as if there really WAS something going on, she wouldn't be so free about having the pictures on her phone and displaying them.


On the OTHER hand, that facebook comment... THAT is what would bother me more. It could just be a private work joke or whatever, but then again, even if it is, she shouldn't post it online for everyone to see. Even if it is an innocent joke, written down it looks full of innuendo and flirtation for those not in the know. So I would definitely confront her about the comment.

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I deff know where you're coming from. The comment on the status was not appropriate, but maybe getting mad for the pictures was. If she didn't want you to see it. Trust me you wouldn't have seen it. Women are way smarter incases of cheatng and hiding thigs when it comes down to it. I'm not saying that she is a cheater, but to catch a woman you have to be literally 10 steps ahead of them. You can tell her how you feel in a calm peaceful manner. Communication is the key to relationships. And I also have jealousy issues because I been cheated on a couple timmes. When you're cheated on alot or see cheating done to others alot it changes your entire mental thought towards relationships and causes you to think negative to your relationships thinking that your relationship will end with some kind of deception. You have to fight and clear that thought from your head so you can have trust again.

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You have every right to be upset. I don't think she is necessarily cheating on you but she is not thinking of how you feel at all and you're meant to think about the other person's feelings in a relationship.


She is either really ignorant or trying to make you jealous.


I'm in a relationship and I don't let other guys touch me at all, especially at work, it would feel really uncomfortable! I know how to have a laugh and have male friends, but touching in pictures, nah.... wouldnt happen.


Tell her it bothered you and don't feel bad for doing so. Ask her how she would like it. Stay calm though. If she gets mad at you, then just walk out and refuse to talk to her because that means she's just immature and doesn't really care how you feel.

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