Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[IAmFCA]

Practicing

 

1. You are dropping the thread without warning again. Is it rude? Are you protecting yourself?

2. If I don't like it, I can dump you. Do I??

3. What if? What if I said, look, I need a thing, you need a thing. Dont tell me about your job, your kids, polite conversation, okay. Meaningful conversation, no. Maybe sleepovers, maybe not. No kids. What about it? If either of us gets serious about someone, then, its over.

 

Thank you ENA for being here so i can get this out.

[Nick32]

So it's been almost 3 months now since you said you needed space. Then after 2 weeks you are back with your ex who you left for me over 2 years ago. I have come a long way in 3 months and in some ways I really need to thank you for freeing me to discover more about who I am. I have made more friends in the past 3 months than the entire two years with you. Tonight I have to say that I am missing you (or at least the times we were together) but I know that it's best. I don't really know what you are thinking about and what you are doing, but I am sure that it has nothing to do with me. You'll find out one day that you made a huge mistake, because I cared about you more than you ever knew. I gave up more than I probably should have to try to make us work, but in the end it was all for nothing. I was dumb and blind...but now I am starting to see again. Good luck in life and I hope you end up truly happy someday.

[hopelessincan]

I went on a date today/ tonight. I had fun for the most part. But no matter what, no one is you. And its funny, cause some people have more to offer than you do. But that crap doesn't matter to me.

I don't care what anyone has to offer. Even though that's a big thing for you. I care about who someone is, not what they have.

I didn't think of you the whole time I was out today..............but now im home, and I just want you. But it scares me cause I felt no guilt for anything I did or said. Guess I have come to terms with how my life is now. Without you.

You are the person that I want and love. You have so much more to offer than you think. You are a wonderful, down to earth, honest and spectacular guy. Please don't settle for less than you deserve ok? I know you never felt good enough for me. And that caused us both to try to be people we weren't. Sucks. Cause we didn't need to do that.

Omg do I ever love you. I dislike you right now, but I love you so very much. Just don't come back ok?

[bit]

Please get out of my life. The whole way out. I have plenty of problems of my own to deal with and I don't appreciate the complications you bring by dragging things out. Get your f'in truck out of my yard. I don't know how to say it any plainer than I already have. Be gone already you sorry excuse for a man.

[einsteins_girl]

JFC, why am I so sad today?

[IAmFCA]

I still stalk your fb. You still stalk mine.

 

Why do you read my last fbm and you don't respond? I did nothing but carry the same conversation, about your new job, one step forward.

 

I know why you were in my life. I needed you to learn about myself. I need to stay away from you so that I can get what is coming next.

 

This weekend I came very close to suggesting casual sex to you. But I knew this weekend wasn't right, and I know M will be here next weekend, and seeing him will give me good sexual energy. Though I still will be in the sexual desert, M is just a mirage.

 

Plus, I hated giving you the satisfaction. And you are taking cover, for who knows what reason.

 

I no longer fantasize about you. Ha, but you wouldn't have guessed that. Still, I would like to spend next Saturday at your pool. Let you ogle me. Go upstairs. Get in my car and leave by, say 930.

 

Is that so wrong???

[IAmFCA]

I am going through something with you, I don't know what it is, but it feel like another round of NC after which you will simply be gone. Which is a good thing. a little scary, I just now realize. I wonder if great if a big part of NC. hmm. Well, I am not sure why this is difficult for me, but it is a distraction.

 

there remains no party of me that wishes your and a stay together. they're remains a party of me that wishes for you to declare yourself and claim me, and I am so very very very grateful that you haven't done that.

 

one day, when you are totally gone, I will have moved on, and you will appear. I know it. you and I share an inability to let go. I am looking forward to your absence.

[Chalk]

I wasn't as affected by your e-mail today as the one from last week. My ego was angry that you hadn't apologized or crawled back. You were short & to the point. It was beautiful because you understood finally that I do not want to hear how well you are doing. It was easier for me emotionally & I appreciate that.

 

I was talking to my therapist about how I didn't understand why you had drawn out this money issue for so long. In my head it makes sense, if you owe money, to pay that money or state you are not going to pay it. I don't understand how you periodically forget you owe me money then contact me to ask me how much you owe me & tell me you'll pay it. I hate how my mind it trying to analyze it in respect to us because there is no us and never will be again. I'm just jealous of how it's been easier for you to move on. My therapist described you as a cat and me a mouse. I'm being kept around for entertainment and being played with when you are bored. I wonder if there is an element of truth to this. I know you are about to move home and change jobs. I know this is a stressful period. In finally offering to pay me money I wonder if you just want my support? BUT I know nothing about you. You could have thrown out all those gifts and keepsakes from our flat ages ago. Maybe you have just come into money. Maybe a new girlfriend has made you question your actions in dumping me and then not paying me any money you owe me! I said I didn't know if I had done the right thing being curt with you in my replies but others have felt that I have done well. That it will not help me to involve myself in further drama.

 

Why did she describe you as a cat and me a mouse? Is that how it is? Do you really have that little respect for me?

[aw4919]

Breakthrough, honeybee.

 

After talking at length with my brother, who it turns out has never liked you, I've realized that I did at least walk away with my dignity. You are the one who walked away with baggage. YOU are the one who faked a future with me, accepted my love and generosity for exactly as long as it was convenient, condemned me for being human, and left me for dead at the first possible opportunity. You are the one who has lost face here.

 

Don't tell your next gf. Just like you didn't tell me.

 

You know what my bro suggested for the next time I see you? Smash a beer bottle over your head, take the money from your wallet and let you know how much you still owe me. He said he can't believe that any human being would treat someone who did so much for them how you're treating me. Biased, I know. But not too biased, he's not really an emotional guy.

 

So, whatever dude. Enjoy working full time for the first time in your life. Enjoy paying those bills. I wish I could see the look on your face when you eventually grasp your new time constraints.

 

You'll get it eventually. And I'm glad I've reached the point where I can laugh at you and not cry for you.

[IAmFCA]

well, it turns out you're not gone yet. even worse, I confessed to you my tentative idea about a casual date including sex, and dammed if you didn't respond with the one two punch of fantasizing about me daily and having too much respect for me to be casual. I didn't know, when I told you my idea, that I was testing you. I knew I was confessing, not throwing out a trial balloon exactly because I don't know what I would have done. but I see how glad I am that you squashed it, when I thought I wanted you to want it.

 

why does it seem like you love me when you don't?

 

pointless. I need to pick someone I choose to love, and my prospects now are so much better.I think.

 

emotions are hard to wrestle down aren't they.

[hopelessincan]

this is so weird. I still think of you. But Im not sure why anymore. Is it because I really love you and miss you? Or do I just miss someone?

 

I don't really want to know the answer, because I am pretty sure, no I am certain that it is you that I miss. I am surprisingly ok these days. My sleep is way messed up but that is to be expected. I still sleep with that teddy bear you gave me. How sad is that? Im dying to see your place and see if the things I gave you are still out.

 

Ive being going out. And a lot. Well a lot for me anyways. Im even spending time with people I don't want to really spend time with. But I do just to do something. Just so I don't have to think of you. Its weird. I don't cry anymore, but I know that no one is you. You know we are meant to be. I want you to please go start dating so that you can see that too. I know that no one will match our chemistry or mental connection. it sucks knowing that..... but what can I do? cant make you act on it. I hope you are doing better. its killing me to know that you are recovering with no one there to take care of you.

 

I've passed the point of calling you anymore. That much I know... I said the other day (here) not to contact me, but I secretly still want you to. just want to hear you tell me how much you miss me. But 9 weeks today and I haven't heard that yet, so not holding my breath. I don't want a phone call to catch up. please only contact me because you want to fix us. xoxo

[hopelessincan]

I just want you here beside me holding me. I cant sleep since you left. I think I have slept in my bed once in 9 weeks. ive had people sleep over a few nights...they've slept there more than I.

don't you miss falling asleep together? ugh geez. I don't cry anymore. I know that's good....but im living in lala land. just going through the motions...

 

and if you care I start my new job this week. So you know, I am taking care of myself even though its really hard cause all I want to focus on is you. You know no matter how low I happen to get that I still do what needs to be done. You know that. as much as I might not be up to it, I do it. although im going to miss your wake up call tomorrow. god how I loved those. even up to the end you still did that. your feelings never changed. I know you feel as I do. You've just got a tougher spine than i.

[periwinkle00]

Sometimes I feel sad that you don't "like" my facebook posts, and I look at someone's wall who you're interested in, and I see one like after the other. I try to remember that we have fewer things in common than you do with that woman. Maybe that's the reason. I don't know. Maybe you talked to her when you were drunk the other night. She was obviously online. Makes me sad. All I can do is offer healing to the situation from my perspective. I love you, and I want our bond to be strengthened at a deep level. It doesn't mean we will get back together, it doesn't mean we'll talk every day, but that deep bond, I really want that to be stronger.

[PinkZebra]

I miss you. Plain and simple.

You came into my life when I needed someone the most. You lured me in when you knew yourself there was a large possibility you weren't ready for commitment. Why? Why would you do such a cruel thing to someone you supposedly care about? I now feel completely lost and alone, as though I've been pushed back into the dark and deep hole I was in at the beginning of the year.

Every time we are together in person, I experience all the feels. Happiness. Lust. Anger. Frustration. Sadness. Why must you take me on such a rollercoaster ride like this?

I just wish you would try. The feelings we share for eachother... it's saddens me to know they're being put to waste like this.

As I sit here in front of my computer tonight, I feel so alone. I wish with all my heart that you would have a change in mind.. and decide to give us the chance we deserve.

[JustALittleBit]

I know it has only been about 2 months since you left me for another guy but I've thought us almost every single day and how when we were together it was perfect, no worries, felt so comfortable I could be myself around you, wishing for the future between us, you always wanting to be cute and cuddly, could tell you deep down loved me so much. I just don't understand why you did what you did, I wasn't going to hold you back I never stopped you or restricted you from doing things, you had the freedom, and someone there for you. Like you said I was your best friend that you could talk to anything about even over your friends, I was always there for you, and most importantly your love of your life.

 

Maybe we will work out in the end but for now I hope you do great in college even though you decided to come to the same college as me it hurts and just know you'll always have a special place with me.

[aw4919]

This hurts so bad. Please, just tell me that at some point you cared as much as I thought you did.

 

Train in vain, baby.

[iam42]

i am upset that you have not sent me what you owe me. i am not a slight, silly girl -- as you know and knew even before you won me. your disrespectful discard not only crushed every ounce of good feeling i had for you; it embarrassed me to no end. please just send me my money, and let's be done with it. you played me pretty badly enough.

[Chalk]

You are still really annoying and it almost makes me laugh. I am going through change at the moment (as are you). Please stop contacting me about the money you owe me. As I start my new job it hurts that I am not with my friends and coming home to a home not independent from my parents.

 

I don't understand how you can leave it a year to pay me the money you owe me and then recontact me to pay it. You then dispute how much I say you owe and want to pay more?! Guilty conscious much? But I feel that I am being played with. I won't be confirming the amount you have decided to pay me. If you do pay it, it will be nice. If not then fine.

 

To say I don't miss you would be wrong because I'm at a point of change and feeling vulnerable. But I see no evidence of you being anything other than a friend to me. I do not believe that we will get back together and to do so would be wrong. The scab is being picked at. When we are settled in our new jobs it will hurt less. They biggest steps are sometimes the most difficult to take.

 

Do you think B would be better suited as a partner to me? I like him but it's hard to tell with distance. Eugh.

[mkellz6]

Why lie to me you say I deserved the truth why did you do this to me was it all worth it

[spinape]

If the walls could talk

 

If the walls in this old house could talk, they would tell you a love story

A Handsome groome and his gorgeous bride have moved in.

Happiness.

 

But if the walls can talk, then they can be just as sad as happy.

 

Happy to make it through the years overcoming lifes problems.

Holding each other each day, a kiss every day.

A passion, a burning desire as eyes meet

messages of love almost daily for five years

 

The walls can cry too.

A young woman, crying at night. Wondering if she made the right choice

A lonely man on the patio with his bottle in the night while there`s nobody there.

The young woman, now a grown woman and has left

Still a lonely man, the walls cry.

 

The walls have changed in this house with the people

 

As the man turns to lock the door for the last time, the walls speak back

``You are not the first story to these walls

Love was here before you and ended with death

It wont be the last either.``

 

``but im not dead``, the man replies

 

``exactly, there are many walls and many stories to go with them in this world, go find new walls``

 

The man makes a half smile and drives away

 

Of course, this is if walls could talk.

[kz91]

I actually don't care about you anymore and for the first time I don't give a how horrible that sounds, lol I should remind you of what you put me through.

 

If there is ever a time you need me, I definitely won't be there for you even though I promised that I always would, we don't always keep our promises though, do we? You should know.

 

One day you're gonna realise what you did and when you do I won't be here because I'm done with you, I never want to see your face again. I changed my number as well yesterday which means I don't have to hear from you.

 

It's a shame it took me seven months to realise just what you really are, seven months. You're not the girl I fell in love with or am in love with anymore, you're the kind of person I hate which is a liar and a cheat. He's welcome to you, I hope he also sees you for what you really are and so do your stupid ass friends.

 

To hell with you.

[hopelessincan]

You haunt me. Just when I am coming to terms with this whole thing, I fall back down. I'm doing it to myself but I cant help my subconscious thoughts. I cant help what I dream.

If you wanted to make me feel better, and this upsets you so much, then you could have at least pretended to give a crap. You could have called or emailed once in a while.

Instead, I get subjected to the same garbage you did when we were together. Being ignored, and feeling like I'm nothing.

 

I hate the person I have become now and ever before.... I don't want to talk to anyone, I want to just stay in bed. I dislike myself and how much I counted on you. I hate how much hatred I have for everyone even though they've done nothing. im just carrying around so much anger that I don't know how to drop it.

 

What was that movie with Tom Cruise called where they went through some operation to forget their lost love? I want that operation. I've never wanted to forget ANYONE ever like I want to forget you. I wish I could think of you as a bad mistake. A 3.5 year mistake, but I cant. My feelings are real, I don't lose sight of those feelings just because life got rough.

 

I cant stand this. Maybe I'm bipolar and it isn't you after all lol... Cause these whacko emotions sure don't see normal to me. I'll be fine after tomorrow, since I can go to work and keep busy and I have plans pretty well every day for the next 8 days............. staying home alone sure doesn't help this loneliness and anger.

 

I cant believe how you've done this to us. And how you don't even seem to care. I know you do, just not enough as I do.

[itsallgrand]

I guess this is the dregs of it. The bottom of the barrel.

 

I heard you have diabetes now. You friggin' fool. You never did smarten up, did you? That is totally unnecessary and self invoked.

And the only reason I feel annoyed by that news? Well obviously I loved you for a long time ,and still care whether you live or die. And whether you have quality of life or not. Geez. Whether you 'deserve' that or not: you know what? I would feel that for near anybody who I had ever loved. So it's not a special thing.

 

It just got me thinking. Us breaking up had to happen, because of one important thing, which is really at the bottom of it all: you stopped caring.

Never mind just about me.

You stopped caring about YOU.

 

Makes me sad you still are doing that. Your childhood issues...I know, I know.

 

Well frigging DEAL WITH IT.

Grow a sack.

 

Said with love. haha.

 

Actually I'm not hung up on this, I'm not attached, I accept it. What was I thinking? You are a young man! You were even younger then.

 

But that old part of me would have tried to control you. That was MY ISSUES. Highly control sensitive. Always trying to control everything.

 

Remember, my doing yoga with you. Cause of your back. Massages, anything at all. That was way back when. Taking you to the gym with me. You asked me to write up a whole nutritional plan: I did.

 

Remember,

 

you in awe of my strength and fitness, even though you are a big ape who SHOULD HAVE been able to easily take me? I don't know why. That irritates me now. At the time though, I felt flattered. Tells you how low my esteem was!

 

I'm glad you left me now. So I'm not there injecting you with insulin, and continuing my role in life as care giver. I'm officially moving away from that ; though I am ver ygood at it! Very good.

 

But for when it is appropriate. I've resolved my issues.

 

How about you? No. Well....good luck with that. Maybe one day. No ill wishes for you anymore. And that is a very fine achievement on my part.

 

In conclusion: I rock, and you can't appreciate it. Haven't been able to for a long while. That is cool. I can do the appreciating myself now.

[sunshine34]

I feel stupid and embarrassed, at 24 I should know better. I should have never kissed you for a multitude of reasons including that I would be working with you all summer.. That I barely knew you and that you came off as an . But I did. And even worse, I believed you. From the moment I met you I felt something I haven't felt in a while and all I did was think of you. I spent all night just thinking about you in bed. You said the same and the brief night we spent together was magic for me. It felt as if we had already been a couple and I played into that, I let myself trust you. Believe you. We talked about what would happen when you went to Spain. We talked about your life and mine. We kissed and danced and embraced. It felt magnetic and I didn't want to leave . I didn't know I'd never have another chance to kiss you or touch your hair or tell you how much I like you. How special I thought you were. "she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me" how so much can change in an instant boggles me. Friday we spent the day talking and you called me twice , I couldn't stop smiling at work. I was so excited about you and about what was to come. I thought we would have something else, something more. I'm honestly still in shock. Even though I didn't think you were trustworthy, I didn't see this coming . I didn't think you'd hook up w one of the girls you were "friends" w or that you would be so cold and dismissive to me after being so warm. That night I thought u were going to come in, but you didn't.. I was honestly upset. Disappointed and upset. The next day we talked and it felt good still.. U told me you would try to see me at work.. I was almost sure you would come . Luckily my section was slammed and if u did come I wouldn't have been able to pay attention so I barely flinched when I got the message that yet again you weren't coming. This time I felt like I should pull away, that you didn't really care. Bc if u did, you would have shown up. Then yesterday.. I get a call from you and I'm thinking when you say u don't know how to put this that you are going to apologize for not coming . But no, you told me that you hooked up w one of the girls you've been friends w for 7 years. Then I have to hear the excitement in your voice about her, "no one else really saw it coming" a little but of your home accent slipping out w each emotional drop you shed about this girl.. Brushing me off like yesterday's news, bc to you, I am. How coldly you go on to talk about her and how u didn't se wit coming and sugar coat it w but u are amazing and I liked you, I still like you. But I'm going to pursue her, so the date tomorrow isn't happening and that u want to be friends. I handle it w indiffernce at first and just want to get off the phone. I vomit a few text messages later just telling you I don't want to be friends w a guy like you. That you didn't care about me at all. Of course , nothing back from you. You are w her today probably and have forgotten me. You are not a good person, I know I will move forward after a day of mourning, I'm just upset that I let you in at all. That I have waited so long to feel this sparkly undeniable thing and when I get it, it's not reciprocated.. I'm starting to think its not worth it. That stupid spark always ends up hurting more than helping. Maybe playing it safe is better I miss u and I just wish I could kiss you and flirt w u and get lost in hours of your voice. But I'm glad you are happy and the truth is, it's good this happened now and not later when I cared more. Bc we both know, it's inevitable for it to happen w u . U are just that kind of guy

[Robin2904]

I still think of you often. I hate that I do. Or think 'That reminds of of you...' or 'Hey we did that together'...still after all this time. Wondering how your sister is lately with her pregnancy. I've been evolving lately, though I'm not sure if that's for the best. I've just discovered sides of myself recently that I'm not sure how I feel about. So vague I know...maybe I've just been looking to not feel anything, or just thrown out attachment all together. I never thought I would think this way, feel these thoughts, do these things. I don't know how I feel about it, about myself. Some times I think its all a part of being a 20- something and living life, exploring sexuality and being free, especially after getting hurt. But then I think- no this isn't right...its a struggle with myself. I look back a few years ago when I was with you and I don't think I would ever act or feel or think this way. And sometimes I look back on that girl and I'm GLAD I've evolved. And other times..I'm not. Sometimes I embrace the woman I've become. The woman who isn't shy, embraces her sexuality then other times I absolutely hate it. I'm so torn, its like I live a double life sometimes- who I used to be, who people thought and think I am, and the actual person in me. I'm so confused.

 

I don't know how this all related to you, but when I become depressed with these things it always always brings me back to you. I've come a long way from the innocent virginal girl who had barley had her first kiss when she met you. Wanna know the saddest part? I mean the thing I've never really spoken out loud?...when we were together we were both virgins. We never had sex because you wanted to wait till marriage, something I always respected you for. I never made a promise to wait until marriage, only to wait for someone I loved. I always told that to myself. Then I met you, and I knew that you were the person I wanted to lose my virginity to. I always imagined it would be you, you were the only person I ever wanted to be intimate with. But it didn't work like that, not by a long shot. I think somewhere in my mind for a LONG time I still held hope that you and i would be again, and it would be you. I really really did. But I waited, then I waited to fall in love again...and it didn't happen. And I did wind up having sex with others...others that aren't you. And somewhere deep inside of me it still really kills me that it wasn't you. It really makes me sad. Shockingly you are still a virgin, well last time we spoke anyway. I guess that thought is somewhat comforting, but frustrating at the same time. Because I wish it were us still, I wish we were each others firsts...I wish you were my first.

 

I don't know where this is all coming from. I just hate these thoughts and these feelings, I really do. Saddest thing is I don't think they will ever end...