Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[betterthan]

Also, I changed all of my phone numbers and moved for a reason. GET THE HINT.

[mnl25]

Day 2. Heather , I was reading our old messages and notes, I just miss you bad. I'm sorry for the fights I started , I just didn't think I deserved your love . I love you more than anything , I wish we could talk . This is killing me . Are you even thinking of me, of us ?

[aw4919]

More than anything else, I'm so completely disappointed in you. You are causing me immense pain to ease your slight discomfort. That is mean and unfair, and I know just how well you believe that LIFE is unfair, (and to get over it) but no, that's not true between two lovers, even when the relationship ends. I was fair to you always. You needed to be fair to me. I earned my place as your girlfriend, and I earned the right for you to treat me with respect because of that, whether I remained your girlfriend or not. I treated you with kindness, understanding, and empathy, even when I was angry with the world. I deserved to be treated with the same, even if you decided to move on. What I did NOT deserve was to be cut off the moment after you left, as soon as you could justify breaking up with me it in your mind- because YOU were prepared and I was not. Me asking you for ONE discussion after I had time to process this and stop being in hysterics was not a ploy to convince you to stay. It was to level the playing field so that we could both walk away with something more than regret and bitterness. It could have happened.

 

And like, no conceit at all, but seriously? After everything I've done for you, you just needed to get the f away from me soooo badly that you couldn't take the one hour out of your life to give me that? Two years, darling. This wasn't your sacrifice. It was mine. And I deserved better.

 

I hope one day that thought haunts you in your sleep. That you KNOW that I deserved better.

 

So I guess the anger stage is finally here to stay for awhile.

[periwinkle00]

With no real friends of my own, disassociated from my family, I am addicted to Facebook. I check my notifications to see if you've "liked" something of mine. I am so attached to you, and I lack drive to do much. Another week and a half until you call. What use is it to hold on, but how can I not? Life will find it's natural balance. It's a matter of trusting it.

[IAmFCA]

SO dysfunctional.

 

SO miss it.

 

SO can feel how much stronger I am without it.

 

SO hope you are creeping my fb.

 

gd I miss you.

 

and I am so glad to have me back.

 

You are danger danger danger.

 

I miss you. I do.

 

Its like the song says, I gotta brush my shoulders off. I can feel me growing while trying to slough off the extra weight of you.

 

And yet I remember the extraordinary light you brought into my face.

 

Its just extraordinary.

[IAmFCA]

Read my post again.

 

If you knocked on my door, professed, claimed, would I take you?

 

I just don't know. Its incredible that my answer isn't an emphatic No.

 

Nobody gets it. I see what they see. I felt your power, I felt your potential, I felt your present. They see, Is he cute, well, not so much. They see, is he inviting? Well, not so much. Is he graceful? Well, not so much.

 

Oh well.

 

Someone, someone better, will love me. Someone whom I will want to love will love me. But it will take time, because I want the real thing, and= the real thing takes time.

 

There is no substitute for putting in the effort.

[IAmFCA]

This is so clearly hormonal. How annoying.

 

I really want to message you today and get you to respond to me.

 

For what?

 

I want to say

 

Is this as annoying/ difficult/ ? for you as it is for me?

 

Because in my momentary insanity, this creates common ground for us.

 

I hate even reading my own thoughts on "paper".

 

Meanwhile, I am sorry, dear, but the pics of you at the most recent tri are, well, revealing. Your times are as well. You are skidding into a full on depression, you are gaining weight, you are dating someone you are ambivalent about, you are unsure of your next job/career, and you are wallowing instead of doing.

 

I really really hope you pull yourself through.

 

When I think about who you are, I see someone different than who I see today. I guess thats why you have said to me

 

I just dont feel up to earning your love right now.

 

And now I want to send you a card.

 

For the love of pete.

[Robin2904]

I dreamed about you a bit lately. Nothing too specific, but enough for me to think about you a bit more. My dreams had been good for a while but you always creep back in. I can't say I've been happy lately, but I've been okay. Better then the last time we stopped talking, but maybe that's because I haven't internet stalked you and found pictures of you with another girl like last time lol. No matter what I will never snoop on you again, no matter how curious I get, how much I miss you...I just won't do it. It only ever hurts me. It proves that I'm better when you're gone from my life totally, no 'friendship' no talking every now and then. When you're gone, after the initial mourning period I'm okay. I can function again like a normal person- well as normal as I can ever be lol. I need to drill this concept into my head. I think it might always be this way to a degree- me missing you a little, or missing the past really. My thinking of you, wondering about you and you're family. But as long as I don't act on things I'll be fine.

[IAmFCA]

And AS ALWAYS I hear from you.

 

If you were a woman we would be aligned on a monthly basis, getting ice cream and chips together at the store. Dang how I love you. Such a pain the rear to have such a connection.

[IAmFCA]

Dear body, please stop this every two week thing. You trick me into thinking I want this man, when I don't, and you make my head hurt, and my body puffy, and my brain put food in my mouth that I would neer eat otherwise. Right now, I want to chat with B on line. Why? I have goals and he is not among them. Out out out with this pattern. Please.

 

Thank you,

 

Your soul

[blackshaw]

So...you're depressed?

 

Or, as you say, I made you depressed. This was one of the reasons I couldn't stay. Oh sure, you can be the one to say you broke up with me. I really don't care about that. I'm just glad to not have to deal with tiptoeing around your moods.

 

"Oh...sweetie? Did I make you upset? I'm so sorry. Please? Please don't leave me. I love you so much you know." Yeah, this is so against what feels right for me. I basically had to plead in hopes of getting you back out of feeling "low". You expected me to do the work for both of us. Why?

 

"You're my rock." You'd tell me. I did so much for you:

 

1) Every day I told you how much I love you. (There's so much regret in the effort I put into this! You just took it for granted, or when you were in one of your "low" moods thought I was just talking. "Well, show me, then." I could here you saying.)

 

2) I gave you massages on a regular basis. You rarely gave me any in return. I enjoyed it. But you have massaged me maybe 4 times in the 15 months we'd been together. "But you never asked." I can just hear you saying. True, I rarely asked, you usually fell asleep halfway through my massages. Whatever. I understand if you were tired, and like I said, I enjoy giving a massage. I know it helped you. But this leads to #3....

 

3) I yielded so much to your rigid use of time. "Are you serious?" I can just here you saying. In fact, yes. "Oh. My. God." No, you're going to listen to me this time...

You obsessed about losing time. Always looking at your watch. You could never really have a late night with me. Oh, you could do it with your girl friends or coworkers at the bar, but never for your boyfriend. We always had to be moving. You could never just sit down at a cafe and talk with me. Everything had to have some purpose in your mind. If we weren't briskly walking somewhere (you 3 feet or so ahead of me), you were ready to just head back and be in for the evening. Really? is wrong with just taking a moment to decide on something fun and spontaneous for the night? Yes, it's true I love time at home a lot, but do we really have to be back so early?

 

No, you are NOT going to just leave and stop listening to me. I have MORE to say...

4) I picked up the tab most of the time. I'd take you to trendy restaurants. Oh, and groceries for our dinner projects? Yes, you always texted me those lists. (that was pretty fun, actually) You'd tell me you were going to pay me for the groceries. But did you? You know the answer to that one. What? You would have paid if I just asked? Really? Perhaps I should have asked. But some of this goes back to some major insecurities I was feeling early on in our relationship, that's #5...

 

5) I stuck around even after you went out to dinner with a guy friend, without me. Yeah, that fat-assed 40-year old DJ friend of yours. And what are you doing hanging out with a guy who's engaged? Ah..his fiance knows? "Are you serious?! You are being ridiculous!" I can just hear you saying. Of course you can have friends. But really? Do you really think this guy wants to eat dinner with you without any kind of ideas in his head? My god, I don't even want to think about what may have already happened! The issue here was that you didn't even invite me. "Do you really think I'm just a with no self-control?" You're very skilled at turning things around to put others in the defensive. I didn't call you that, and if self-control is really an issue, you're implying that there's an impulse. Hmm. Here's what I have to say to that: You're 24, and you can't even stand up to your mom when she criticizes you. And then, you have those body-image issues. You know, you seem to need attention. Do I really trust that you can maintain self-control when you can't even stand up to those issues? But I'll never forget the time I found out about the day trip you took with him. "But you would've had a fit if I told you." Yeah, well, you should have told me from the beginning. Better yet, were you doing taking a 40-minute trip. Oh. He's taken other friends to this restaurant and it means nothing? Well, even still, you should have given me the respect of not going out alone with a guy friend to some trendy restaurant. And was he doing taking you? He should know better. I don't like wishing bad things on people, but I really hope he continues to get fatter as he ages. Not only will he look more pathetic as he approaches 50 and still DJ's or runs a record shop, but he'll probably have major declines in health. Again, I don't really want to wish bad on people. But it's a fun thought sometimes. This is sh*tty girlfriend behavior.

 

6) I dealt with your moodswings regularly. It didn't take much for you to fall into one of your "low" moods. You'd blame me for things. Remember that time I rented a car and there was an issue with getting out of the garage? It took, oh idk, 15 minutes to settle it before we could leave. Remember that? And how did you act? You basically criticized me, sulked, decided the night was ruined. You were fine a few hours later. But it took you two days to admit to me "I'm sorry I was short with you." Yeah, well this happened too many times. If you haven't seen a pattern yet, someone else will probably point it out to you. And, once again, you'll probably have a "falling out" with that person. Until you learn some personal accountability, this is just going to keep coming back to you. And not everyone is going to be so nice and yielding to you.

 

7) I stuck around even after you lied to me. Let's see, there was that bartender you were flirting with. You know? The one you posted that Missed Connection for? What? We weren't "together" yet? You promised exclusivity a month ago. No, I believe you that you didn't do anything, but what if he made further advances? Yes, I guess I was already sensing some red flags. "Why'd you stay with me then." That's your response? I called you on it, at first you acted defensively, playing dumb. Then, you admitted to it. "I was just putting my thoughts out there. I thought he was attractive. People can think someone's attractive without doing anything about it. It's not like I was going to." Ah, but you did. I responded to your post and you eagerly described yourself, right away. Almost faster than you replied to my texts. Yes, it happened a long time ago, but you never gave me any real proof that you stopped this kind of behavior. And then there was the whole webcam issue. Ah! Let's see. You promised it was just an old habit of yours to "pass the time." You promised that you quit. You wanted me to just be better and drop it that same night I found out about it? On my effing Bday? Wow. I can't believe I let that one slide. And you had the nerve to act as though I should have forgotten about it. Again, I needed more proof that you quit this stuff. Really, I should have kicked you to the curb back then.

 

9) I stuck around even after you took those "breaks". Okay, let's see. One of them happened after that bearded bartender incident. Supposedly I made you depressed and treated you like sh*t for calling you on it, really? Oh, because I was acting on my insecurities. Wow. You really had a way of turning things around. It's amazing how I stuck around after that. Then, there was that time I was worried about you leaving on Saturday to go "hang out" with that 40-year old aging DJ friend of yours, whom I'd never met. I expressed some worry. OK, I realize we weren't officially in a relationship yet. But we were exclusive. I had a right to be concerned. Your reaction: you blew up, you got inappropriately mad at me, voice quivering, you stomped out and refused to let me walk with you as you left. Then, a week later, you had the nerve to tell me I just let you walk alone!

Once we were together, as boyfriend/girlfriend, you broke up with me because of my attempt to discuss something with you, yes, it was about trust. You got upset. Admittedly, I said a few things that hurt your feelings, and you blew up, called this a "fight" and decided it was time to break up.

 

10) I put up with your secretiveness. In should have given you an ultimatum, something along the lines of: If you want to stay with me, I need to see your texts and your Facebook messages. It's true I was struggling with trusting you. The hope and chemistry between us was strong. Your talk of moving in with me, and your creative input (I'll hand you that) in making my place more homey kept me thinking we were moving towards something. You talked of marriage and kids. But then, one little unpleasant mood, and all of that may as well have been thrown away. And yet, you'd have the nerve to tell me that I had little faith in our relationship. Wait, I stuck around all this time - a year and a half - and you accuse me of this. Well, you're probably right here, I realize now that I've had major trust issues in you all this time. And now that I spell it all out, I can see the obvious: You were a sh*tty girlfriend.

 

11) I always ended up doing the dishes. You did the dishes once after one of our meals. You'd claim you cooked for me. Okay, I can say you did the majority of it. But really, it's not like you did all of it. I frequently did all the chopping and slicing. Sure, you found the recipes. And you'd act like executive chef. Okay, we can agree you did cook for me alot. But sometimes I cooked for you. Never would you do the dishes. You were always too tired. Know what? Me too. But you'd never make the time in the morning to do them either. So, I'd end up doing them the next day. This is so symbolic of the dynamic of our relationship. I had to pick up the slack while you'd get the credit.

 

12. I stuck around even when you failed to see how much I did for you.

 

I really don't like wishing bad things on people. But, I really hope you have some kind of rude awakening. You seem to have NO idea how patient I was with you. Oh, so I said a few hurtful things? You know what? People say hurtful things. Take a good look at the 12 things I've listed here. Yeah, I've put up with a lot of BS. And yet, you accuse me of being sh*tty? I really hope you have some kind of rude awakening.

 

True, it's painful to think of you with someone else, falling for someone, completely giving yourself to them. But I dare you to try and get in another relationship. It's just going to happen all over again. You'll either get a guy whom you walk all over and he'll get fed up. Or you'll go through a series of hookups. Hey, that's what you did before I met you. Don't judge? Yeah, you're right, I don't think you really have any morals. I'm glad to be rid of you. I hope you learn just how horrible you were to me. If nothing else, you're going to be a slave to your moods. No one can really put up with that for any extended period of time. Maybe you will die alone?

[blackshaw]

After reading my letter to you, I realize what I've really done. Mostly, I enabled you to treat me like sh*t.

[Tyler123]

Your a S-H-I_TTy person

[IAmFCA]

OK

 

(1) during this period of unstructured life, uncertainly, joblessness, stress, and weird dating issues, you have gained weight. Lose it.

(2) GDIT I dig you. fng sux.

(3) I am SO glad to be rid of you. I have brushed you off. I feel the weightlessness.

(4) I am going to bed now. I wish you were in it. No lie.

 

My dating prospects, so far. (1) A widower with several houses, buying a sailboat, soloed but chose not to fly. You would not like the look of him, too soft for you. His late wife kicks my rear in a career sense. He cooks, he knows wine, he knows how to date me in a way you never did. He is fun, pleasant, mature, great conversationalist. Yeah, I hear you, and I dont know about that part. (2) A funny funny man whom I dont know yet. (3) An engineer I am letting go of, poor thing. I like him. But he doesnt stand a chance. (4) An ex Navy Seal, Hot Shot, and general nut. But he is a little too. (5) Some well employed guy in the burbs. Thought we would meet tomorrow, but the schedules don't work. Maybe he should not be on this list. (6) Whew and I am hot for that guy you discovered months ago. But I put him off, because he has got a gal back home, just like you. I am not doing that again. He is sticking with me though. Calling every two days, maybe 3, always before he gets home. I suppose she is home sometimes. I dont like that and I dont want to know. It used to be when he comes home, the alarm goes off. Maybe he just goes to her house alot.

 

I think that does it.

 

Yet, here you are, in my mind and not in my bed. Do I want you just for sex? Is it just a dopamine addiction? Maybe we could arrange for some booty call arrangement. But then, I will never succeed with nasyone else.

 

Ugh. Going to bed.

[Loz333]

How dare you forget me

[Rjones91]

Today starts Day 1 of NC. I am looking forward to not looking behind me. Going to cancel the order on the shoes you convinced me to order you that you so desperately wanted. I love you, but I love me more. I am no longer afraid to let you go...I wanna curse you out for leading me on these past few months, but I will do you and myself the biggest favor and move on with my life without you in it. I will continue to smile knowing I am one day closer to getting you out my system. Goodbye and Good Riddance.

[fearmenot]

Hi want to hang out?? I want to see you before I go and I want to test you. Do you miss me yet? What have you been doing? I want to check her twitter since you guys hang out so much.

[ceejay1689]

I just wanted to take the time to say thank you.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me to see that I am capable of making it through such difficult times.

Thank you for helping me see that you are selfish and manipulative, it helped me get over you sooner than I expected.

Thank you for breaking my heart to pieces and giving me the chance to rebuild it better than it was before.

Thank you for helping me to recognize my own behavioral patterns that were inhibiting me from reaching my full potential.

Thank you for allowing me to experience betrayal because it has made me wiser and more alert to warning signs and red flags.

Thank you for pretending to care, it helped me to appreciate when something is real.

Thank you for teaching me that I cannot change another person, I can only change myself.

Thank you for teaching me that I don't have to fight to be loved.

Thank you for trying to reach out, I was proud of myself when I stuck to my resolve and shut down your attempts.

Thank you for the good times that I've enjoyed and for the bad times I've learned from.

Most importantly, thank you for leaving. I don't think I would have ever had the courage to experience the liberation and freedom that comes with realizing you don't need someone to be happy.

I wish you the best, though I admit it doesnt look good for you. I hope that years from now, if our paths ever cross, I will find that you have grown as well.

[AtTheDriveIn]

Chances are my ex and I won't talk soon. I would tell her thanks for the 2.5 years of the experience the relationship has taught me. I wish you the best in life, but I have to move on. See you around

[Chalk]

I've been thinking of the end of our relationship a little bit more lately: it's been a year & you contacted me on Monday. I am still hurting from the end of our relationship but it is confusing as I don't want to get back together with you. Am I mourning my naivety? I put a lot into our relationship. I invested a lot emotionally. I believed that you loved me and we would marry. I am angry that I invested so many years of my early 20s being with you. I am angry that I have been left in my late 20s while all around me are marrying and settling down. I am so mad at you for your freedom and unticking biological clock!! How can I judge what a good relationship looks like. I just never thought I would be where I am now. This is life!! Haha, how maddening!!

[mrmbreak]

I wish you happiness, but I wish I never met you.

[mnl25]

Heather I miss you and would do anything for us to work .

[IAmFCA]

I watched Louis CK and it was like being with you. It was uncanny.

 

And I have been fighting the impulse to send you a note that says May I please use you for sex?

 

Its not a half bad idea, or its an awful one.

[periwinkle00]

I can't get you out of my head. The only way I can see myself moving on, is if I find someone else. I want you to be happy. Find someone else, for God's sakes. Then I don't have to have the hope that we'll get back together. It just kills me. No matter what I do, you're still in the back of my head. Either be here, or don't be here. None of this in between -calling every three weeks -stuff.

[kz91]

I have no idea how I feel about you anymore.

 

I miss you everyday.