Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Joanne19852010]

You made a mistake and i hope you regret it...i might have taken you for granted but now your taking me for granted...i hope one day you realise and cry like ive been crying....your weren't supposed to do this and you've just left me here like im nothing...

[Joanne19852010]

we were together for nine years then you got a girl pregnant the week after we split up...you don't care about me anymore so stop giving me false hope and lieing to your new gf about coming to see me..i'll have the last laugh in the end...your not beautiful anymore and deserve everything you get from her...your relationship is based on lies and your having a baby...your pathetic...if you don't want me anymore stop talking to me like were still a couple and leave me alone...i may beg and cry and it may annoy you but i havent done heartbroken before and am so sorry if i didnt deal with it aswell as you wanted.

[Joanne19852010]

I cant wait around for you to make up your mind...i might be alone but i'm not nothing...i know you will come crawling back one day and it might be a year, 2 years even 5 years and i just hope you will eventually feel the pain i'm feeling...i know your not a bad person and i know it's made you ill aswell but we both know you should of fought harder for us...and deep down i'm the one that you want to be with...but like you said you made your bed and now you have to lie in it...i know myself that time is a great healer i know that from mom and dad dying...even five years later you still have times when you think i can't believe they are gone and regrets but it isn't everyday like when it first happens.

[Joanne19852010]

lol i would never say these things to my ex's face and i have to stop txting him so it helps to write them here...i just hope i can look back on these posts in a years time and my life is completely different..

[Aleina2011]

I'm with you there monchill, i was reading the posts on here and feeling so sad, my heart goes out to all of you...moonchill is so right, we're here pining for our ex's and they are getting on with their lives.

 

We need to find some strength within ourselves to move on, easier said than done, my god!! don't i just know it!!

 

this need to end, there is so much pain here 3 we are worth so much more..

 

I totally agree. We ARE beautiful, interesting, intelligent, lovely people.

I think of it this way, we have a disease and ENA is like a hospital ward. We need to be patient and wait for it to go away. There is a cure, we are not terminally ill, but while we wait we should support each other. It's good for the heart.

[Moonchill]

I totally agree. We ARE beautiful, interesting, intelligent, lovely people.

I think of it this way, we have a disease and ENA is like a hospital ward. We need to be patient and wait for it to go away. There is a cure, we are not terminally ill, but while we wait we should support each other. It's good for the heart.

 

That is just said in a beautiful way Aleina. Sharing the pain is a bonding experience. People out here know what we're going through.

Bút don't make the same fault as me for hanging on too long on this website. It's kind of addicting.. reading all those stories and to keep wondering about your own story.

When I decided to leave this website alone for a while to see if I would feel better. It actually speeded up my healing process.

But now I'm back out here because he send me an empty text message. Just a simple thing as that. But now I'm reflecting on my own behaviour I can only conclude I'm hangong on too long again on this website haha.

 

Guess it's time for an ENA break again 'cause I'm nót moving forward. I'm standing still.. ( atleast it feels that way).

But this thread is just wonderfull! It helped me a lot to keep NC.

[Aleina2011]

Ehehe It did occur to me that maybe by being on ENA I was just making him all too important. And in a way I think I do. On the other hand, I do need to be reminded of what I should not do, because I can't trust myself right now. I can't be trusted to do the right thing, I think to be reminded why begging him would not work. At least ENA provides a place to come to when the pain is just too strong and all you want to do is call the one person who caused you to feel like this in the first place, only to hear him sayy "I am sorry you feel this way, but you should call your friend/mum/whoever, not me"...thanks!

[TSandullo]

Hey T,

 

Hope you've been well.

We've been broken up since that t-rex died, but I still think about you everyday.

You were a sweet girl and I hope you are treat your guy as good as you treated me.

I miss little V a lot still.

I hope some time in the future, when she is all grown up, I can see her again.

A hug from me to her.

 

TS

[Springs]

Why are you doing this. Why can't you just be a man and tell me you think it's over and tell me to move on. It's not fair. You say you're so sorry for hurting me..you have no idea how much pain you have caused me. I just can't believe it...I love you so so much and you treat me like I'm nothing. I changed ME for you.

[hodgeheg]

I think you'll be getting back from your weekend away about now. Did you have a good time? Did you get drunk and think about me? Part of me was hoping that a weekend with your straight-talking uncle might sort your head out. I was kind of hoping you'd realise your mistake and contact me.

 

I miss you. I don't want to and I don't miss the arrogant, self-obsessed person you became this summer, but I miss the old you.

[Jane00]

All those times you told me you loved me, were you lying? I still don't understand why you would hurt me like this. I think about how well I treated you and how you treated me like trash and it makes me sick.

 

So this is it? After all we went through together I just do you the favor of walking out of your life and you go back to your ex and completely forget that I ever existed? We go from spending every day together to acting like strangers? I don't understand how you can be so cold. Our relationship might've been short, but hey, we were a couple, we still shared a lot of experiences together during that period of time. Don't say you still care about me. If you did you would've broken up with me the way I deserved instead of making me go through the painful experience of catching the man I loved cheating on me.

 

Sometimes it hurts to hate you when I think about how we were just 5 months ago. It kills me to do this, but if you contact me, if you happen to remember my birthday and text me, I will not reply and I will not contact you ever again... So hard to do when deep down I wish I could hold you in my arms again. But you don't deserve my love or my friendship or anything from me. I will treat you like you never mattered, because that's what you really deserve.

 

We would've been awesome as friends. What a shame.

 

I've had two serious relationships and they were both horrible. I'm so good at finding ungrateful, mentally unstable bastards.

[Jane00]

You are a sorry excuse for a man, you're just good at hiding it... well, not really. Maybe at first.

 

I feel kind of bad for whoever keeps you.

[Melting]

Still in shock, with everything that has happened. We are broken up and soon will be working together, it is really not how I planned on healing myself.

 

All our work collegues know we were together and I know all eyes will be on us.

[Aleina2011]

Still in shock, with everything that has happened. We are broken up and soon will be working together, it is really not how I planned on healing myself.

 

All our work collegues know we were together and I know all eyes will be on us.

 

This is so cruel, I am really sorry you have to go through this. Try and be strong and don't give him the opportunity to see your pain.

[wanttomoveon]

Spooks just finished. We watched every single series together, except this final one. That kinda sucks.

 

That is all.

[jimbobday]

I have done some stupid * * * * . I just wish you could understand what ive bden through. This is so hard I hate yo give excussea but the way my mind works with my abandoment issues and trust issues caused me to do that stupid * * * * . My god I love you and I know you love me but we cant make it work

[Joanne19852010]

you will be round to see me tomorrow and will want to talk to me but whats to say you don't want to marry me and have a baby and you will reply with i don't know..well it isn't good enough...either you want to live your life with me or you don't...i know what you think that we will get back together in a few years...i know you think this because i love you so much but you need to understand that your hurting me so much at the moment that when you decide you do want to be with me i'm only going to remember the pain you put me through not all the beautiful things we shared...every memory i have has been tainted by you even memories of my mom and dad...you swore to my dad on his deathbed you would look after me always...i feel like you don't deserve to have known them now..they died loving you and i feel like that's wrong because of how much your hurting their daughter now..maybe i'm wrong to feel that and will regret thinking it in the future but that's just how i feel....i know when i start moving on you won't like it and i hate the fact that will be one of the main reasons i will move on to show you that i can. I'm starting to feel angrier at you now...i still love you and want you back but maybe my anger is coming because i know it isn't going to happen and i'm angry at you for escaping instead of fighting.

[Jane00]

I was thinking: that night before the night you spent with her, when you supposedly went "camping" with your friend... You spent that night with her too, didn't you? We both knew that your cellphone would get no signal at your friend's ranch, that's why you told me you were going there... so I wouldn't bother you at all by texting you and you could f*ck her in peace. Knowing you, the next day when I was trying to get in touch with you you might've told her that we had already broken up and that I was still trying to get in touch with you, making me seem desperate.

 

And what about that time you went out of town with "her brother"? You said you'd be back that same day. Yet you came back on the following day. Don't think I didn't find out. You can't imagine the anxiety I felt when you wouldn't even respond to a single one of my texts and I knew that you were out of town with her. And remember the next day when we went for a walk together and I told you that the only thing I asked of you was honesty? And you said you felt confortable enough with me to be honest if you didn't want to be with me anymore? What happened to that? You turned out to be much more of a lying coward that I thought.

 

You are truly the lowest of the low. You disgust me. You have so much growing up to do.

[thelastsong]

I just want this pain to stop. I don't even want you back anymore. I want to forget you entirely. I want to forget what I'm living without. I want to stop seeing you every Sunday. I want to stop remembering our relationship, the good and the bad. I want to stop remembering your family. I want to stop remembering all the things you said to me. I want to stop thinking about you with her and how happy you must be, how your life is just one big freaking fairytale come true. I know it isn't fair. I know life isn't fair. That's okay. I never wanted to come out on top. But does it have to hurt this much?

 

I'm slipping. My life is crumbling. I just seem to be making one mistake after another. I feel out of control. I just can't handle this right now. I just need time alone, a vacation or something, where I can catch my breath. I don't know what to do.

[RitaTrue]

Day 74

 

For a few days, I pondered on whether to call my ex or not, but then I had a dream about 2-3 nights ago.

 

I dreamed I broke NC, called him, and we met face to face. But the horrible thing happened: During the conversation, my feelings resurfaced. But, even then, he himself was completely removed and cold, even though he knew I still cared for him. The dream hinted that he felt this way because he was just FINALLY starting to do what he should've started doing a long time ago--start moving on himself. But since he was so cold to me, I felt weak and regretful.

 

Then, the dream ended. I felt it was a warning. To stay in NC a little while longer.

[Robin2904]

I wish I didn't over analyze EVERYTHING! I'm still analyzing the talk we had 3 weeks ago! Seriously need to let go of it. I would say I'm passed it- to the point where I'm not obsessing over it and you....It's not painful for me anymore at this moment.....actually I kind of don't feel much of anything. I feel really empty and hollow. Is it messed up that part of me would rather hurt then feel NOTHING? I mean at least when we were together, and we were fighting there was PASSION, I felt ALIVE- as friggin mental as that sounds, I felt SOMETHING, ANYTHING! Now.....nothing! :sigh: talking to you again though it brought the feelings back a bit, I felt SOMETHING, all be it, anxiety and panic but it was SOMETHING.....I have blocked all feelings for a long time. A good 9 months now...

 

So next weekend is the Halloween party and I am pretty much certain I will be there. I probably should be freaking out about it more because you may be there. I don't know why I'm NOT freaking out about it. At this point I think I'm just tired of freaking out about it. If your there your there. I can say that NOW but I know it will sting....but honestly I think I'm pretty much prepared for the absolute worst. I'm prepared to go and see you with her again, hand in hand, PDA all over the place. If that doesn't happen I'll be surprised honestly. Or Hell maybe you'll be there with someone new I don't know. Or MAYBE I'll get SUPER lucky again and you won't show like you did Labor Day. It's like SUPER close to your house this time though so I'm not sure that will happen....either way I guess I will just try to focus on that NOT FEELING part and try to work it to my advantage here....but I doubt I can NOT FEEL when it comes to you unfortunately. But literally how can anything effect when when I'm expecting the absolute worst???? I'm EXPECTING you there with her....if it doesn't work out that way then anything better will just be an added bonus.

 

Trick or treat...I guess I'll have to wait and see!!

[Aleina2011]

Woke up this morning to a huge sense of despair and feeling so empty inside. I thought, I wonder if you feel the same waking up each morning at your mums house. I already have the answer as you said that for you it's much easier this time round. You said you had come to the end of your love for me. I just can't wait for these mornings to go away.

[Robin2904]

Woke up this morning to a huge sense of despair and feeling so empty inside. I thought, I wonder if you feel the same waking up each morning at your mums house. I already have the answer as you said that for you it's much easier this time round. You said you had come to the end of your love for me. I just can't wait for these mornings to go away.

 

Just want to send hugs your way hun! I know it sounds impossible now from where your sitting, but the mornings do get easier. It just takes time... hugs:

[lalalollipops]

Every so often, I still pain alot about what you did to me.

I wish the bad memories would just fade.

It's been so long. But I just can't seem to be able to let the pain go.

[lalalollipops]

And you know what? The saddest part is that I still feel resentment towards you. Sometimes I really just want to scream. Maybe it's cos I never got to express my emotions. I decided to be the bigger person and just let it go, but CLEARLY, what I should have done was express my thoughts to you completely. I don't plan on ever speaking to you again but a part of me still can't get my head around everything.

I feel uneasy that you still have those clips you recorded without my consent or knowledge. I hate that you nearly raped me that one time. I hate that you picked at everything about me (I know it's all about your insecurity and projection but still! Those comments ate me up inside). You made me feel so small. I hate that you saw my tears, my pain and how you could still go behind my back constantly. I hate how you had sick pleasure over messing around with my head. I hate how you made me feel so empty. I hate that abuse. That emotional abuse. Those mental games (who effing tells their gf they have leukemia just to see their reaction??!), that emotional blackmail. I hate how much you seemed to relish that hold you had over me. I hate how you milked me for all I was worth. I hate how you completely damaged me. I hate that you proposed despite knowing perfectly well you did not want to commit. Why screw with my emotions like that? Why effing act like you gave a crap? I hate you and I hate what I've become bc of you.

 

But most of all. I hate myself for knowing how bad you were, but still loving you. I hate myself.

For every word you uttered, a disappointment followed.

 

 

And after all this you have the nerve to constantly call me up and insist I am unfair to you? ROT IN HELL! EFFING LEAVE ME ALONE. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? HOW MUCH SLACK DO I HAVE TO CONTINUE GIVING YOU? Are you even human?

To think I'm the only one that ever stuck with you through it all. I know all your skeletons but I still loved you.

I hate how you threw the love I gave to you back in my face.