Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[RitaTrue]

Dear Ex,

 

For some reason, your memories triggered thoughts of all the ways you tried to control me during the relationship. During the relationship itself, your suggestions seemed quite rationale, and even loving. Like you were looking out for me. I really thought you cared.

 

But it was when I started feeling molded--that I started getting sad and angry. My clothes weren't good enough. My personality, not good enough. My make up, not good enough. My beliefs, not good enough. Yet, you told me that you wanted to marry me and start a family with me. In my mind, I wanted you to give up and accept me. I thought that eventually, if I waited long enough, showed enough patience, that eventually you'd stop. And just ACCEPT.

 

That never happened. What I find even more strange is that even though you had controlling behaviors, you also have the oxymoron that you let OTHERS control you, and take advantage of you. You've even let ME be taken advantage of. And you lost my respect for that as well.

 

I actually had to talk this over with a close friend. And she agreed that it was a control issue. I still have problems accepting this honestly, because you ARE a kind, loving person. You never hit me or cursed at me. Ever. But you had perpetual need to remold me, into your ideal. The ideal, which I told you , was killing me to become. Because she WASNT me. I tried explaining that to you. And it NEVER sunk it. Why? Because all your requirements--were things that YOU DID NATURALLY. You wanted a female version of yourself! I cannot be her. I tried to. Because I loved you, I tried. But I felt like it killed me little by little. And not only this, but you felt ENTITLED to my efforts, like I HAD to appease you.

 

No, I'm glad we're not married. Because I know I would've cursed you out more than once. And yelled. Because of you, I now know that I want someone who has my beliefs, and likes me for me AS I AM. Because of you, I know that a man should appreciate me the way he sees me, and not fall in love with my underlying 'potential' instead. Looking back, Ex, I realize that somehow, you were embarrassed of me, my clothes rather. I'm a jeans-and-tee kinda girl. Always have been. Always will be. And I dont want to be changed to be a new YOU. I want someone who appreciates me just the way I am, as I am, right now.

 

And I know now that you will NEVER be that man.

[SorrowandPain]

Wow you sound like my ex except my "controlling" behaviour is what she actually needed. I never cared about her outfits or whatever but my ex had no self discipline or control. I tried to get her to change. I tried to get her to take care of her body, work out (she's over-weight), eat sensibly, drink in moderation, not do drugs, read more, go to school, not spend money recklessly, etc. She pretended she wanted all that for herself it was a lie. I guess she too harbours resentment towards me like you harbour resentment towards your ex. Although to be fair, it seems like your ex wanted to change superficial things about you that didn't matter but the stuff I wanted her to change were actually important things.

 

I guess you can't get into a relationship where you expect someone to change.

[wish9080]

Wish I could erase all my memories of us and pretend like it never happened.

[Melting]

Wish I could erase all my memories of us and pretend like it never happened.

 

Me too! Wouldn't it be wonderful........... no more hurt

[Melting]

Argh I miss you sooooooooooooo much tonight, fighting the urge to contact you.

[cl76]

Thankyou for all the wonderful memories and for helping me discover what it is I needed to do to find happiness.

[DailyDreamer]

Surprisingly, I think I'm getting more comfortable with making that transition into friendship. I'm realizing I deserve better, that I need someone else. We both still make good company and there's no denying that. Simply, we are two puzzle pieces that no longer fit. We tried several times to jam those pieces together and while we did connect, we still weren't right. That's okay...as long as we remain in that same puzzle. Occasionally a piece from a totally different puzzle gets mixed up in the box, but you're not one of them...as difficult as you can be sometimes.

[RitaTrue]

Wow you sound like my ex except my "controlling" behaviour is what she actually needed.

That's what the controller usually says, hence the control.

 

I never cared about her outfits or whatever but my ex had no self discipline or control. I tried to get her to change. I tried to get her to take care of her body, work out (she's over-weight), eat sensibly, drink in moderation, not do drugs, read more, go to school, not spend money recklessly, etc. She pretended she wanted all that for herself it was a lie. I guess she too harbours resentment towards me like you harbour resentment towards your ex. Although to be fair, it seems like your ex wanted to change superficial things about you that didn't matter but the stuff I wanted her to change were actually important things.

 

"Control" can be a tricky issue, as there's a thin line between trying to steer someone into helping themselves more, and controlling them to be your ideal of what you think's best for them. To me, I guess the dividing line is does the other person truly WANT IT, the way you do--and ACT like it? Not just say it, but REALLY act like it? Actions really do speak louder. Similar to your ex, initially I too was excited to become "better" especially for my ex. And I did make progress for a while. But eventually (after 3 months) I started feeling really irritable and sad because I realized I was losing who I was. Looking back, thats when I started doing passive aggressive things to give him a silent "**** you." I'd show up late to things we were supposed to be together in, I'd forget important dates (sometimes accidental, sometimes I just stopped caring).

 

Yes, I've realized that too. Dont expect someone to change. In fact, I remember seeing a documentary about cross-cultural dating and marriage. In one particular group, the women told their daughters to consider the attributes of the other man as the brick and wood foundation for the husband he'd be (this meaning, dont expect him to change. Whatever you see in him, imagine him being that way as your husband. Can you handle it?)

 

I think that's very wise advice now, and I think it applies here too. I guess you can't get into a relationship where you expect someone to change.

[northpickle]

I've got the strongest urge I have ever had to contact you right now, even stronger than the NC days last month. I have no idea why, I wouldn't even know what to say. I'm worried about you I suppose. And I miss you. I have to keep myself busy but I'm not very well today, maybe that's why I'm thinking about you all the time again.

 

I must not contact you. NO! No no no. 9 days since we last spoke and we agreed on light contact. Part of me wishes I hadn't agreed to this but I wanted to sort things out, however long it takes. I'm wondering if that was the right decision now.

[Moonchill]

Thank god this struggle is over!

Thank god you declined your friend request.

We both know it's for the best.

But the door is not completely shut.

Not that I hold hope for getting back together in the future.

But I do think it might be possible.

I won't rule it out.

 

I'm glad I can now focus on myself.

I don't regret having spent much energy on our relationship/

I don't regret all the money it took for me to travel back and forth all the time.

I know I said things like that in a very emotional state of mind but I don't.

Neither do I regret getting along with your friends so quick. Entering your life in such a fast pace. Being comfortable and decorating your home so soon. It's things like that that made that time rock!

First I did regret it, I thought it was the reason you broke up with me. But now I think * what íf I hold back, what íf I pretended I was someone else so you could handle me. It would not be fair to me , it would not be fair to you*

 

But there are lessons I learned.

 

- I would not let myself fall that hard, that fast. Atleast I would try to hold myself back a bit.

 

- Giving the other one space to give instead of receiving all the time.

 

- Not bombing the other with very personal information , that soon.

 

- You can't always get what you want, and if you try sometime, you might find.. You get what you need.

 

I still care about you and I wish you the best.

I wish there will be a time we will be able to meet and act normal towards eachother.

For now I don't want to take the risk of developing feelings for you again. You are now a chapter that needs to stay closed for a while. More time than I ever thought it would take me. This relationship was so short but so intense and had a lot of impact on me.

 

I'm glad the Canvas Project helped me to move along.

 

If there is anything important, you can always contact me. I still have my old number. I still care. I'm not angry anymore.

 

Take care, my love.

[jjbinks]

I miss you today. I'm sure it is fleeting, I've stopped counting how long it's been. I'm not holding myself from feeling anything anymore and because I'm letting myself miss you, I also realize I miss a time that isn't now. When you were the you I knew, not the distant cold hearted jerk you were to me last time we spoke. So maybe it's a memory I miss, not even a person. You killed our memory. But it's okay, there are much better things ahead on the horizon. I know you are a great guy and one day you will be that guy again, or maybe a better version of him with some lucky girl. I will be the person you have never known hecause I was so lost with you, except with someone capable of giving me love. We will both be happy with other people at the same time at some point.

[ex sweatheart]

sleep eludes me, i woke up to see your text, why is this so hard, when does it get easier ??

its nice to know this is hard for your too

[Melting]

Yesterday, I wanted to contact you so much, but I fought the urge off.

 

Im not healing as nicely as I thought, one step forward and 10 backwards. When will my misery end and the worst part is, its not like your ever going to disappear from my life, as we have the same friends!

 

I need to find my life and get you out of it, you just bring sorrow to my world.

[Jane00]

I can't wait for the day when I can finally think about you and everything that happened between us, and feel no pain, no anger, only indifference.

 

I thought I was already getting over this, but today I think I saw you driving her truck and immediately those feelings started coming back.

 

It's kind of funny how I am still obsessed with you, even after knowing what a scumbag you are and that there are a lot of men out there who are much better and who would actually appreciate and respect me.

[RitaTrue]

Dear Ex,

Before the NC, you asked me if I was seeing anyone knew, and Im glad I never gave you a clear answer. No, I'm not. But since we werent and arent together, that is none of your business.

 

You called last night. And you want to know. But why shouldd I tell you? So, you can go to sleep with a smile knowing Im still single--with my sucky job and sucky hours? No. I'd rather let your curiosity * * * * you, and let you think Im living it up with my new man.

[Robin2904]

I've been waiting for your mother to call me every night because she said she would call back. I haven't said anything to her and so far she hasn't called. I wonder if maybe she got a change of heart and realized how bad of an idea it is to want to talk to me?? I have no idea. I'm still not 100 percent convinced she won't call back, and I'm on edge until I know for sure because I am dreading the contents of this phone call...but yet oddly excited to hear from her. If I don't hear from her by the end of the week I'll assume I won't hear from her, which is probably for the best...

[meoww]

I'm so happy to say I'm finally somewhat OK without you!! It's been over a year since we saw each other. I really underestimated how hard it was going to be to get over this and everything else. But lately, rather than feeling like 80% of me is still won over to you, I'm at least 50% sure I don't want to be with you, and like 70% excited to be seeing other people. I'll take what I can get for now.

 

This is so much better than how I was feeling when I joined ENA in August.

By the way, no thanks to you for hiding her on fb until 8 months into the relationship/5 months no NC!! it only took me 2 months to get to this point once I realized she's a real person (although I still don't get why you're attracted to her) anyway, no thanks to you at all!!! I knew it would be so much easier once I could get past the denial and you made it SO much harder than it needed to be. But anyway--I'm kinda partially over you!! I don't cry all the time and I don't feel like I have anything to say to you IRL-I always wanted to email you or something but I don't think about that anymore. I don't masturbate thinking about you anymore! thank god!! I thought was never going to get over that. but yes, I have had many orgasms that are totally non you related. Amazing.

[Robin2904]

How can someone be the best AND worst thing that ever happened to you at the same time?? I don't get it, but that's what you are to me. I have some of the most amazing, happy memories of my life with you....felt things I only ever dreams about, was on a permanent HIGH. Those feelings were so amazing. Then I have some of the worst times of my life with you and surrounding you....I've had lows where I have never ever felt so low in my whole life and felt like death would have been a better option. Such extremes.

 

Some days I think I am kinda almost over you, then other days not even close. I am way better then I was over the Summer. It was a very dark time for me. Talking to your mom again has opened old wounds, but not as bad as I would have imagined. I just wonder about you SO much. I really want to FB message you and see how you are. I feel like a text is too personal...but a FB message is just weird, considering you knew I had you blocked on FB since last November. So if you see me FB you obviously your gonna know I unblocked you. But I mean I suppose I could say I felt it was stupid to still have you blocked on there when I am over everything that happened....even know maybe i am not. But then if I ever decided to block you again, and there is a good chance I may if you ever get into another relationship to prevent me from seeing the pictures, well I am just gonna look like a crazy ex girlfriend who is clearly bi polar. Ugh nvm....bad idea....

[Robin2904]

I don't masturbate thinking about you anymore! thank god!! I thought was never going to get over that. but yes, I have had many orgasms that are totally non you related. Amazing.

 

I've never wanted to bring this up on here because I felt like it was TMI but YES I have had the same problem!! After the break up I would try to masturbate to just calm myself and would literally begin to cry in the middle of it, or after because I was still thinking about him. It was heart breaking! I have stopped doing that too, though I admit recently after seeing his picture again for the first time in a long time, he has crossed my mind in that sense. It's hard because even though I don't want to sometimes when I am in the moment a memory of us will just pop up and I'll see his face...it was the emotional part of the connection mixed with the sexual desire that was always so intense for me. Still something I am working on breaking!! I am SO glad I am not the only one who has gone through this though- I felt like I was weird!

[dansmi12345]

You're definitely not alone in that sense! There was a period of time where I literally stopped doing it, because I couldn't stop myself from thinking of her when I did...thank goodness that period of time is over now.

[KronicMan]

why dont u miss me?

[meoww]

lmao I know it's SO tmi. I just couldn't help myself...

[loxy37]

It all started on 10/10/05 when I first picked up the phone & heard your voice. You were a recruiter at the time trying to get me to leave my current firm for another. After a few phone calls/emails, you asked me for my number. We then decided to meet up in person. I admit, I didn't think that you were "all that" but your personality was exactly like mine. Then the BS started; I bought you something small for Christmas that year, just a business card holder, nothing fancy. How did I know then that the gift was going to be the beginning of me paying for EVERYTHING. Every time you put on any piece of clothing, it's me. All of your shirts, sweaters, coats, jackets, pants, jeans, sneakers, shoes, boots, ties, pocket squares, suits, cuff links, socks, belts, watches, hats, it's all me. Every time you play your Xbox on that fancy TV, it's me. Every time you watch TV in bed w/someone else, it's me. Every time you get out of the shower & dry yourself off, it's me. Every time you roll around in your sheets w/someone else, it's me. Every time you walk into your 2nd bedroom, it's me. I helped you paint it & you chose the color purple because you said that it was MY favorite color. Every time you read a book in your house, it's me. Every time you set your keys down on your kitchen table, it's me. Every time you open your garage & ride your scooter to work, it's me. Every time you walk into your closet, it's me. I helped you build it together, I even bought you some of the pieces. Your first trip to Cancun, it's me. Your first trip to the Riviera Maya, it's me. I paid for every single vacation: Cancun 2006, Acapulco 2006, Orlando 2007, Huatulco 2007, Puerto Vallarta 2008, Riviera Maya 2009, Dominican Republic 2009, Cancun 2010, Cayman Islands 2011. I turned you onto some of your favorite pizza, Mexican & Italian spots. I paid for every single visit to any restaurant.

 

As I write all of this & see it on paper, it saddens me that I spent hundred's of thousands of dollars on you. I declared BANKRUPTCY because of you. If I could see you right now, at this very moment, I would slap you. I would slap you so hard that your face would literally bleed. You never gave a damn about me.

 

*In 6 years I never met a single friend.

*In 6 years I never went to a family event.

*In 6 years we went out on Fridays/Saturdays twice.

*In 6 years I only met your parents once & that was by accident.

*In 6 years you never told me that your father owned a restaurant...I found out on a local Chicago show about local restaurants.

*In 6 years you never once had any intentions of committing to me. In 6 years you always dated/slept with other women.

*In 6 years you always told me that you couldn't receive texts on your phone yet I would see you text other people.

*In 6 years I believed your every lie: oh I'm meeting so & so, oh I have dinner plans, oh I'll call you back, oh I'll let you know about this weekend.

 

I always knew that you were running game on me.

Why didn't I leave? Why didn't you just let me go? Why didn't you just admit to me that you were lying to my face on a daily basis? Why couldn't you just tell me the truth, that you used me?

 

The truth, the damn truth, that's all I wanted.

 

Why couldn't you just say "L, I was wrong, I lied to you, I lied to you about everything. I never loved you. You were never my best friend like I said you were. I've been sleeping with X,Y,Z. Your sister & my sister were right about me, I am a dog. I only used you for the gifts & the vacations. I only used you because I knew that you would always be there for me no matter what. No matter how many times I wasn't there for you, I always knew that you would always be there for me."

 

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I curse the day you were born. I curse the day that I met you. You're a lying sack of garbage. I wish I never met you. You ruined me. Because of you I no longer trust me. Because of you I can no longer do nice things for people because I'm afraid that they're just using me. Because of you I'm afraid to let anyone in. You used my sickness to your advantage you sick bastard. Everything that ever came out of your mouth was a damn lie...EVERYTHING!

 

I know that many times I have told you to f'off but a week goes by & I break down & call you. You're used me to calling you, begging you, pleading with you. What the hell do you care as you have nothing to lose. That's why you never left me, you had it so good. You figured that all you had to do was call me "babe" once in a while, gently hold my hand, kiss me softly at times & that I would quickly forget the loser that you are. You were right, that's all it took.

 

But not anymore...Yes I told you to f'off on 9/6/11 & did not contact you at all. Did you ever contact me? No. Did you ever reach out to me to apologize? No. Why? You have no soul or heart. Cold blood runs through your veins. Yes I broke my own NC rule on 9/19/11 because it was your stupid birthday so I left you a voice mail at work & sent you an email there too. Oh but the next day you decide to reach out because you needed a damn ride home from work because you were in Cancun "with friends" over the weekend. Sure you were. Just like you were in Miami last month "with friends." You're so full of **** that I want to give you toilet paper to wipe your mouth clean. On 9/20/11 I saw you for the last time. You gave me my dry cleaning that you were holding hostage & then said "talk to you later." I knew it was goodbye. I said "no I won't. This is it." So after EVERYTHING that's happened during these last 6 years, what are your last words to me? "Don't be a stranger." * * * does that mean coming from you? That's it? After 6 years that's all you say to me? You're a coward. You're not a man. You were never going to admit to any of your wrong-doing. You're a jerk.

 

Again I started w/my NC only to break it on 9/24/11 by sending you a nasty email of all places, at the mall. You ruined my happy time at the mall as I walked by the men's section on my way to the shoe department at Nordstrom & there they were, jeans I had bought you once. ARGH

 

THEN I started w/my NC only to break it once more on 9/27/11 by sending you another nasty email when I found out a bunch of stuff about you & your dad's restaurant on yelp. "Oh our server CRUZ was so cute & those dimples..." Give me a break. There should be a sign on the front door warning women about you:

 

ATTENTION ALL LADIES OF CHICAGO: CRUZ WILL WALK ALL OVER YOU, SUCK YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT DRY, WHISPER SWEET NOTHINGS TO YOU, WILL FILL YOU UP WITH FALSE HOPE, WILL CONSISTENTLY LIE TO YOUR FACE, WILL DATE/SLEEP WITH SEVERAL WOMEN AT THE SAME TIME AS HE IS WITH YOU, WILL ALWAYS GIVE YOU THE RUN-AROUND, WILL NEVER COMMIT TO YOU, WILL NEVER GO OUT WITH YOU ON THE WEEKENDS BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN HE GOES OUT TO MEET OTHER WOMEN, WILL NEVER INTRODUCE YOU TO HIS FRIENDS/FAMILY BECAUSE HE'S PROBABLY INTRODUCING THE OTHER WOMEN TO THEM, WILL DRAG YOU THROUGH THE MUD. LADIES, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. DON'T LET THE CHARM OR THE NICE CARTIER WATCH ON HIS WRIST FOOL YOU. EVERYTHING THAT HE OWNS WAS BOUGHT BY A SINGLE WOMAN WHO IS NOW PAYING THE PRICE DEARLY. FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, STAY AWAY & IF YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE ALREADY MET HIM, RUN! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!

 

Today is day 7; no email from you, no call from you. I haven't contacted you either & I don't plan on it. Nothing will ever change with you. It would take GOD him/herself to come down from the heavens, hit you on head & change you. A miracle, nonetheless.

 

I hate what you've done to me, what you've made me become. You made me an angrier & more depressed person than I already was. You've managed to give me daily panic attacks.

 

You will get yours as karma will always remember you, always. You are one man that will not get away with this. You will pay for what you have done to me & others.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

If I have offended anyone with my choice of words, sorry but that's just how I'm feeling right now, at this very moment.

[broken1414]

Loxy 37...AMEN GIRL!! I feel your frustration!! I'm STILL paying debts off from my ex, and he left 8 months ago...

 

Dear Josh,

 

You are such a tool. Texting my BEST FRIEND to meet for drinks to "catch up"? Really?! The one person who was by my side throughout the * * * * storm you created? Get your own life, and get your own friends! You hated her, remember? Remember how you used to complain and insult her behind her back? Remember how you never had anything nice to say about her? Saying she was fat, and ugly, and intrusive, and too opinionated....Remember when we broke up and I went out with someone new, and you texted her those nasty, angry, disrespectful messages even though she had nothing to do with it at all? WOw! Just when I think I've seen it all from you....

 

THEN! I break my personal NC pledge to tell you to f-off, and leave her alone and you say, "I needed someone to talk to." Oh, get off it! And when I say "Then find your own friend to talk to", you reply with, "Sorry. I was trying to be nice." Ummm...trying to be nice to who?? KIM HATES YOUR GUTS AS MUCH AS I DO! And since when do you "try" to do anything, especially at being nice?? I thought you had your own "friends" now, or at least the closest thing you'll ever have to friends....those people who live near you, who like to use your house to do drugs in and party with under-age girls, your "friends". Next time call one of them when you "need to talk". Or how about your ex from before me?? We know she's always there for you when you need her.

 

My best friend is one of the most important people in my life. DON'T YOU DARE USE HER! She helped save me from you, now it's my turn to make sure she doesn't fall for one of your deceitful little tricks. And what do you have to "catch up" on anyway? Are you just looking for information about MY new life? Because you never gave a damn about my friends before, why would you now? Did you think she wouldn't tell me that you texted her? News Flash: She's my BEST FRIEND you Idiot!

 

GET A LIFE! One that's completely separate from mine!

[Moonchill]

Confession number 24839 : I fantasize about meeting you again "accidently" while I am looking beautiful and glowing and you will realize what a catch I was and want me back.

 

Yes it's pathetic. But still I'd love to make you regret it. I really really love to do that!

It would be an ego-boost. That's all. It won't do us any good for the long run it's just..

 

Ok it's bullsht.

 

I was the best girlfriend I could be while we were together. Doesn't get much better than this so.. If that still isn't good enough I should be STILL on this site whining over you.

 

I'm into tarot. At first the cards showed you were in sadness over me. You had regret. Who knows you've actually missed me. But now I just feel like you have moved on. It's strange but somehow I just know you've probably met someone else. So still holding unto this ( not on purpose, I'd love to let you go) feels pathetic. It's eats away my self respect. Maybe I should not give myself such a hard time. I thought I was moving on but everytime I fall back for no reason at all and it's frustration.

 

Now I'm making a promise to myself. Not to read any of the blogs about exes. Not to read and log into Enotalone. Not to read forums about people who are trying to move on from their ex. It only keeps me back. That's obvious. It's working ágainst me!

 

So this will be my last post and I just want to say.

 

Ex, I miss you so much! I do. I still do. You were everything I didn't know I want in a man. You were amazing. For the big part you were really. You blew me away! The way you hold yourself. The way you're living your life is just... It amazes me. I still put you on a pedestral about the size of an Eiffel tower! I'm watching "being human"and there's this girl that is a ghost that can't let go of her fiancé. She reminds me of myself. Not that you were my fiancé. Not that we even had a relationship. We dated for a few months but it felt like we were living together you know. When we were together another ex contacted me and said I was a wonderful woman and he missed me. He showed me more affection than you did! I wanted to tell you to make you jealous or something but then I thought .. don't do it, don't be so immature. So I didn't. But I wish you knew how... rare our thing was. It felt rare and special to me. Something you can't just throw away! Why did you threw it away?! I'm not like your ex. I would not cheat on you know. I wouldn't! You said you had commitment fear. That I was smothering you. But how?! How did I smother you. I thought I was taking a step back like you wished I did. I thought I was giving you space. I guess you want the whole universe of space. A universe between us. So I gave it to you. I said you know what... have it all! You wanted to break up with me but didn't have the guts and came with silly cliché lines like "we should be friends" oh sud off! You can't fool me. I'm glad I broke things off with you because you wouldn't have the strenght to be straight forward would you?

But the thing I most conclude after all this time is:

 

You are not coming back.

You will not reach out to me.

You will not come to me on a white horse and say you take it back.

 

You won't.

I won't.

It's over.

It's done.

 

I hope you appreciated the time we spent together because you are NOT getting it back. Atleast not now ( can't shut the door.. just can't)

 

Bye mister. Who knows we might meet again in a long time. Maybe I will get a wedding invite from your friend. But for now I should stop hoping we will. Just kill the hope. *poof*