Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Kev0s1983]

Well, the UK SIM is gone. It hurts because now I cant check on the phone but its good for the same reason - i have no ability to see if you have tried to reach out. Not that you will. You are so stubborn and Im glad. Im thinking of telling your mother to have a great time when she comes out here but to leave me be for a few months. Under the pretence that although Im fine, I dont want to be reminded of what I no longer have, with you. Not that when it ended it really was anything more than a joke. Its hard coming to terms and accepting it IS really REALLY over. But I am trying. You have jumped from me to this new man just as you did last year for a little while. I was a fool for getting back with you. You told me exactly what I wanted to hear and maybe you even believed it. I guess until you truly understand yourself and are happy in your own skin your not going to be content with anyone - not longterm. I dont say that to make myself feel better, "I cant have you but not to worry because you wont work with anyone" sort of deal, but because you really have some issues. You dont have the resolve or ability to sort yourelf out flying solo though...

 

The demise of you and I was going to happen sooner or later. I realise that you wouldnt be able to leave your family behind. Im glad I took you to Australia, Im glad because I did something genuinely lovely even though you didnt really deserve it. You will remember the holiday, the holiday of a lifetime for many people - yourself being one of them - and you will remember me with fondness, in time... Maybe you remember me with fondness now? I would rather you remember me as well as fondles haha I miss you baby girl, I reckon Im always going to miss you. I have no choice but to live with that. Im not dating yet. Im not ready. Im only two and a half months post BU and this is all new to me. New country and new... Everything. Thats hard enough on its own! When I get sorted, I will be fine. Or at least, I will be "finer".

 

I havent drunk for a month tomorrow. Glad Ive kicked it into touch. Although a coping mechanism, an absrud negative one for sure.

 

Its funny cos Im struggling to really see you. Your face is becoming blurry to me. I have a folder of many pictures but thats on my external hardrive and I wont load that up again. I might buy a new one and transfer itunes over and leave it alone. I dont want to wake up kidding myself this is a bad dream anymore. I deserved better than what you became and how you acted. Im glad you met this new man and felt the need to decieve me. Im glad because it bolsters my belief that we are better apart. I still get down and sad without you but there isnt a chance Im going to contact you. Not a hope in hell. You have tried reaching to me a couple of times. Despite not massive attempts by anyones gauge, I know you, I know as well as you it was a big thing and a big reach for you. We both know. Thank you for showing me you care enough and feel guilty enough to try.

 

It would be grand to sleep for the next two months and wake up with the illusion of being awake the whole time and healing the equivalent elapsed time. But then, no, no I dont. I dont want to wish my life away. Besides, I never know what tomorrow may bring. Im almost receptive to someone new. I wont look for "her" yet but if, upon a stroke of luck, someone "finds" me... Who knows. The prospect no longer feels like cheating. I dont want some for happiness, I want someone for a laugh, for some fun - for the right reasons.

 

Oh, a final thought. I believe your sisters influence you too heavily, especially T. If she wanted me and you to work I believe she would have fought my corner. I think that because she finds herself married to a cheating, selfish, violent pr*ck, she is jealous that you are without children and younger, she wont ever be taken to Australia by that mug. You are a sheep, maybe I should have been more dominant over you? But I am a free spirit and believe that everyone is free. I wouldnt ever dictate to you what you should/nt do. Its your life baby girl, do with it as you please. Im saddened you have chosen to not spend it with me but happy in the knowledge I gave my all. I am aware we all have our own lives and we can do as we like but you ARE easily led, especially by T with her two girls you see everyday. (do you still see them every day?) Stay special baby girl. KxXxK

[luvsomeone333]

even wanting a new relationship is really a turn off... it hurts to think about relationships and to think about my past relationship..my recent ex just told me that he thinks about me still...that just brings back old feelings to re-surface and i dont want to feel that again... i dont... its like all my energy and wasted time getting over you was my move and my next step to find that someone new....

 

sigh...

[Silverbirch]

Hey G,

You know I really did deserve to be told to my face in a respectful and dignified way that you wanted to end our relationship. I didn't deserve to be discarded and treated so callously by you. My friends tell me not to take it personally because your behaviour says a lot more about you than about me or my worthiness as a woman. Looks like you found somebody else, but once the honeymoon is over and you find out she isn't perfect either, you will start your criticisms and resentments of her. What will you do if she does not like being bossed around by you the way you boss around everyone who is genuinely close to you?

 

My friends tell me you didn't ever genuinely love me and that you were only using me. That's sad. I really loved and still do love you and I think you know that, but it doesn't mean anything to you. I'm not going to chase after you or play games. I'm so sad, but trying really hard to get on with my life. My friends joke too that somebody else is already very interested in me. Big deal. He's a nice guy and actually better looking than you are, but I'm not about to get anything on with anyone to get back at you or to try to bolster my ego.

 

It's so hard for you to ever admit you have ever been wrong about anything in your life. This is why your own daughter and ex-wife hate you so much.Do you really believe that everything wrong in your life is somebody else's fault and you are just this nice guy who always tries to do the right thing. I finally understand the real reason you rarely sleep through the night.

 

I feel sad for you G. I don't think you genuinely understand what real love is about. To you, it's just about what happens between the sheets, and when your partners have been tired and worn down, often by YOU, you blame them. You blame them especially for all the things wrong in your life. Well, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not perfect. I've even fessed up to you about lots I'm ashamed of, but I work at apologising and not making the same mistakes which can hurt other people over and over.

 

I am so glad I don't have to live in your head.

[Dryyoureyes]

I wonder if there is a slight chance...from your actions and those little hints i guess no. Over that distance a friendship isnt possible either...I feel lost...I wanna know how you are, what you are up to and maybe if you think about me every now and then. I wonder if I said everything the way I meant it and hope there might be a chance and that you didnt missunderstood what I was saying....I can think of more than just a friendship tbh

[itsgonnabgood]

I'm pissed off that you hurt me, but I'm more pissed off at myself for letting you hurt me so much. Because I know you don't care about me, never did.

[BobbyC]

I still miss you. Still. I want to hear your voice, feel your touch, taste your kiss, bask in your presence, see your smile, look into your eyes. God I'm such a sucker for you. What happened that led to this? How did we get here?

[Robin2904]

So many things have reminded me of you lately- but I'm okay. I actually am. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking of you, didn't wonder how you were, what you were up to....if you miss me at all....but I don't obsess over it. I was talking about you a bit today with my best friend- just reminiscing about stuff. Kinda bitter sweet. I can look back on some stuff and just laugh now....but it still hurts. I miss those days. Things are so different then they were this time last year. i still have to tell myself not to text you sometimes. Sometimes I get it in my head like 'Maybe this time I can text him and things will be different' but fear and pride holds me back. I fear rejection again. You hurt me pretty badly with how you treated me last time. Don't want to go through that again. I just generally am letting my pride hold me back. I hate that.

 

But I remember throwing caution to the wind back in December and January. Not giving a crap about my pride and just going for it, being honest with you about my feelings, what I wanted, why I did the things I did. I went and saw you even though EVERY ounce of rationality in me was SCREAMING at me not to. Telling me to RUN the opposite way. But I listened to my heart....and look how that turned out? I was devastated. I don't ever want to feel that way again so I will NEVER put my heart out there like that again with you. But crap sometimes there is still a little part of me that wants to take the risk. Because we did have something powerful....and sometimes I wonder if it's worth the risk to put my heart on the line one more time. But I honestly don't think my poor heart can take much more, and I can't spend another 6 months of my life recovering again. I won't set myself back like that when I'm finally feeling like a somewhat normal member of society again.

 

I look at myself now and I'm finally in a place where I'm okay. I'm not normal, not great...I'm just okay. I'm able to focus on my life okay, though at times I have pretty bad set backs that can last anywhere from a day to a week. Those suck. It kills me how you haven't been a part of my life for months yet your presence is still here with me. I have some pretty mixed feelings towards you. It sucks.

 

I just need to keep going forward....though somedays I can't help but look behind me and want to go back....

[WonderWoman87]

At first, I felt guilty for dumping you, but I don't anymore since I know the REAL you. I realized that I need a MAN and NOT an immature little boy in man's clothing who plays games. Forget you. And your new girlfriend too. That is if you can GET one and KEEP one.

[LovedHim321]

This is a good idea--so here's mine

 

It's been 2 weeks and one day since I left you. I decided after your outburst of negativity towards me, telling me that I would never make it through school or be successful at anything, and not to come back to you if I don't make it...and then your behavior towards me in general and saying it was an accident that you threw that picture of my dad and kids out into the woods because you thought it was my ex-husband...I could'nt take any more. I saved for 4 months to move out, and finally with that and what my friend gave me, I had enough to get out--and she said get out now! I did what she said and I don't regret any of it. I don't even miss you one bit. I miss good times when you were out of character. I don't miss your constant tantrums and tyrades, your inability to disconnect from your ex-wife and stop talking about her and comparing to me, or your complete lack fo caring for me. I don't miss when you would not ever want to be with me. I don't miss finding you on the internet in compromised pictures and pornography. I don't miss your nasty cats and how you refused to clean up after them. I don't miss 4 1/2 years of devoting my time to you instead of being a better mother. I should have never gone out with you. You just wanted to have me 'please' you but you never wanted to make love. You didn't care about me. I could go on and on. You're a total loser. I just wish I didn't block you on facebook so I could see what you're doing like a fly on the wall. Not sure why that is. I hope your penis wrinkles up and falls off, your balls deflate, and you lose all your hair, get fatter, and lose all your money in the stock market. That and move to another continent.

[Kev0s1983]

^ The penultimate sentence in that tirade was truly great if I were a female I would probably use that for my sig good work

[LovedHim321]

I'm a dumper. I had to be to save my life, get my son back hopefully, and not be entirely destroyed by the man who was sucking the life out of me. Thanks Kev0s1983 for the compliment on that! Maybe I'll adopt it as my signature then!

[Kev0s1983]

I reckon its up there with the best and also brought a smile to my own face which was much needed today by the sounds of it, you have had it pretty rough and im glad you have got yourself out of that situation. Onwards and upwards

[Totally Broken]

I thought about your uncle today and how much he loved you. I thought about the fact that you are probably smoking again since you don't have me there to discourage you from lighting up. I thought about how sad your uncle would be to know that you are smoking. I thought about how much he suffered through lung cancer before he died. I thought about how he would go through that suffering 10 times over to save you from the same fate. I thought about how the best possible way you could honor your uncle's memory, would be to quit smoking.

 

Then I thought about the fact that I can't tell you any of this because it's not my place anymore. You shut me out of your heart and out of your life. I cried for your uncle, for you, and for me.

[redbottle]

Hey there babe. I still love you and ultimately I wish you all the best. But I'm really struggling at the moment, and I'm having a bit of a spiteful week. Hopefully this will pass, because I feel terrible for it, but I felt a stab of absolute bitterness and jealousy when I heard today that you'd been away with your new friends for the last week and a half. I guess that explains why you hadn't answered the real estate agent's emails, or mine, with respect to the sale that you initiated.

 

I feel faintly ridiculous, because I thought you were perhaps struggling with regret or indecision. I worried about you, had fretful conversations with friends, lost concentration and drive at work. I didn't call you because I thought that if you were having problems, me pestering you would be the last thing you needed. Instead I send you "mental hugs" over a non-existent psychic connection, hoping that you'd feel better and find happiness again.

 

Turns out you already have. Which is fine, it's good. I'm envious that you've been able to get your life back together so quickly, but I suppose that's a function of the fact that you're way ahead of me; you'd broken up with me in your head a long time ago. What's really upsetting to me is that I don't have a place in your life at all anymore. I'm not saying you have to tell me everything that you're doing - you don't. It'd be nice to know if you're going to be uncontactable for a period of time though, when we have acute financial issues pending.

 

Oh forget that. Why am I lying to an anonymous internet forum? I'm unhappy because you're happy, without me. That's the pure, horrible truth of it. All of my psychic good wishes earlier this week were not only beyond lame, but completely insincere. And how about this: I've realised that one of my problems is that I can't get over the fact that it's not "all about me." I'm not the source of your happiness or sadness these days - in fact I'll wager you didn't think about me this week at all. How conceited was I to assume otherwise?

 

*sigh* Seven months down. This is still so, so hard.

[Moonchill]

Cleaned up my room.Memories of you scattered all over the place. That picture... your fake smile... the way you look.. like you were thinking *I don't feel as comfortable with her then she feels that way with me*. My mom wanted to save that picture, god knows why..

 

I'm putting it all in pandora's box. I will wait a couple of years to open that thing, that's for sure.

[Love1336]

I can so relate to that. But does not make you bad person. Just makes you human.

[Flint_Wood]

I miss you, I don't even know why anymore. I've never really known why, but I guess that uncertainty is what ruined everything in the first place. I really didn't think it would hurt for this long... I didn't think it would hurt at all.

[Mrs Popsicle]

I was going to post a long rant about how pathetic I think you are, but that's all dissipated now and all that's left is pity. I know, I know, I've pitied you in the past and I've taken you back, but this time I kind of pity you in the same way I would a dog with rabies- yeah it's a real shame and all that but I'm not getting close enough to get bitten!

 

Good luck, I think you might need it.

[ferna3069]

i was about to message you. i was so close. but im nt going to do it. i know ts just going to hurt me more if i do

[Starrgrl]

So I've been half dialing your number these few days.

god. I still wanna hear your voice.

It think I need to get amnesia so I can forget that stupid number.

I should change my number too.

God. I still love you. I feel like a complete fool. But I know there's one thing I can't do and that is phone you up.

I can't show you I am still in love with you. That would only pimp your stupid oversized ego.

 

I love you. It still hurts.

[Talk2much]

Dont know what I feel about you anymore. I know you coming around mine was a bad idea and I didn't want to work things out. Was manipulative I know. I shouldn't of kicked you out for finding out you were seeing other people? Or maybe I should of. Who knows, your not the person I fell for

[Dryyoureyes]

You look good on your recent photos! I miss you and miss hugging you!

[Love1336]

Don't worry today.

I won't bother you.

I won't look your way.

It's like you never existed.

How we play these games.

Admit you miss me, admit you love me still.

I know you think it will make you weak. It does not.

Just makes you human.

[LovedHim321]

I want to tell you how unfair it is that you didn't love me the way I wanted you to. You didn't care about me the way I wanted you to. You suck and I hate you. I hope I never see you again or hear from you again. I hope you move to another city or state or even another country. I wish you would get out of my mind and let me live my life. I wish I could forget your lips kissing mine. Damn you.

[LoveConned]

''I keep thinking about how you dumped me while I was in another country visiting my family and you moved out while I was gone, to go back to that c-word of a wife who caused you nothing but pain and misery! You are just garbage and a disgusting cowardly piece of crap! I hope she rips your heart to shreds. And trust me, SHE WILL!''

 

wooo that felt better. inhale, exhale