Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Robin2904]

FML

 

I just stalked your page on that social networking page were both on. Um WHY DID I DO THAT?? You updated your status on April 2nd saying how you were looking to meet new people or some crap. FML I didn't want to read that I hate myself right now for being so dumb. I haven't looked at your page on there in a good while. Seriously WHY did I do that????

 

I'm really sad right now and am having major anxiety! I guess the pro- if you I could even look at it like that- is that you are single still- which does make me feel a bit better. But looks to be like your enjoying life being single- looking for girls to talk to. I hate that. UGH! HATE. THIS!!!

 

I need to be up in a few hours- HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO GET SLEEP AND BE UP AT 7! Stupid move Robin!

[walkaway83]

i hate you so much. you emotionally abused me for years and i just want to punch you in the face.

[stacy2]

Today has been really hard for some reason. This past week I was making so much progress, but today... day 30 of NC, might as well be day 1, because it feels just the same. I guess I just really thought and assumed I would hear something from you before I hit day 30. I thought I had accepted it was over, but I guess this is proof that I haven't.

[Flint_Wood]

I`m happy for you... I really am, but it doesn't make it any easier seeing you have the relationship I thought we were getting close to having with another guy...

 

Why did I bother sticking around? We should've just left everything broken...

[e27tran]

I reactivated my facebook today after a month of absence to see your profile. You seemed happy with your college friends, the friends that you replaced me with ever since you left our city for college. Ugh... * * * * *

[kiwiana]

Whats really weird is that I have the urge to get back into contact with you after months of not talking. I guess I just have questions I want answered. I never got closure from you since our breakup and I have managed to push it into the back of my mind for so long but now that is all I am thinking about. Our friendship is what I vauled the most. You were my best friend before we went out, we shared everything together and I would not have gone out with you if I knew that our breakup would result in us not talking. I guess I just want to say I miss you x

[Gerda]

I just want you to know that you have ruined my life. Every day for the past month has been like torture. I honestly feel like this pain is coming close to killing me. Next time you want to fill a girl's head with a bunch of nonsense about how much you love her and want to be with her forever--don't do it unless you are totally sure that what goes around doesn't come around, because trust me you don't want to deal with the pain I am experiencing because of you.

 

Oh, and congratulations, you've ruined not just my life, but my husband's as well. And why? WHY? Were you just that desperate for companionship that you didn't think of how it might affect other people? Why did you always fight me when I tried to end this--only to drop me flat a year later? Remember ALL THOSE TIMES I said we needed to stop, because there was no happy ending, because you were going to break my heart, because my husband didn't deserve this, because it was never going to work out and the sooner we ended it the less pain would be involved. AND YOU ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS FOUGHT AGAINST ME. Until you had your fill, I guess, and found somebody else to hop on to. I hope you pay. There was once a time when I genuinely loved you and wanted only your happiness. I used to pray for you so much, pray that you would find a fine, wonderful woman. I don't feel that way any more. You need to suffer for what you did to me.

 

I could have totally dealt with us parting ways, it's the way you did it that killed me. I still can't believe all the awful lies you said the day you broke it off--why did you do that? Did you think it would make it easier for me to get over you if I hated you? Well I don't need you to protect me by LYING to me and I never did. I could have at least had fond memories of our relationship, but now I look at it with absolute horror. You could have said, "I love you, but this has to end, I'm sorry. Goodbye." But instead you had to blame me for everything and paint me to be this awful person who you just couldn't tolerate any more. Even though I know it was all lies, it hurts me so bad. What am I supposed to believe? That you thought I was your "angel," and yet you just got tired of me? Got tired of having an angel? Really? That I was too good for both you and my husband--and that's why you had to desert me like this? Dammit I hate you for taking away my happiness. I just wish you had been honest with me so I could remember you fondly and move on. But instead I feel like I was conned for a year.

 

I could have been sad I lost you but known it was for the best and at least known that you really loved me. But given your actions--how could I think you ever loved me? I don't think you ever did. So I can't remember you with any sort of happiness, only this awful sorrow that makes me want to stab myself in the chest. I messed up my entire life, threw away so many wonderful things...for some jerk who just told me lies and toyed with me.

 

Husband and I may be splitting up. Yeah. I think the damage has been done. He is such a great guy who would give me anything, and yet I'm not in love with him any more because I gave my heart to you. I could have had everything I ever wanted this year--but now it is all ruined, absolutely ruined. I'll have to start out from scratch, with nothing. No job, nowhere to live, no family around here...Thanks. I hope you are happy.

[Gerda]

I can't listen to any music any more, because it almost all reminds me of you. I can't play that game ever again, even though I want to, because it will now always be associated with this awful sorrow. I can't even stand to be on my PC any more, because that's where I always talked to you. I can't stand to even be in the office half the time, because that's where I always talked to you. I can't even have an orgasm any more without thinking of you.

 

But I think I'm finally getting better.

[luvsomeone333]

i dont know what im doing...

i dont want to stoop down to your level and date somebody else because i dont want to feel the pain...

i dont even know what i feel about this guy but it was the nice the way he treated me. You never did that to me and thats the unfortunate bit and ill never will...

it feels weird dating again but i think maybe that its too fast too soon =/...

i dont know what i feel because i cant tell if i truly feel something for this guy or im focusing on the feeling of something else than to feel the pain..?

 

i dont want to hurt this guy cause his been really good to me...

 

the funny thing is that its your cousin...and i rememeber you were ifi about about us talking...

 

but that thing i never really considered dating him... i just think it was kinda nice for him to be there for me...like being more than friends.

 

i know i shouldnt cause i dont really know what i feel and i think i should stay single for a while...

 

i know its possible for us to work ...but maybe not..

 

so maybe i should'nt...

 

so yeah...

[Snowy]

Lol I saw your mum at the restaurant last evening...

 

It was dam awkward.

 

I didn't dare look her in the eye, and I think she was too scared to look too. HAHA

 

I made sure I got out of that restaurant asap...

[Love1336]

I want to be honest with you.

I want you to know.

Even those you are not with me anymore.

I am happy the fact your happy without me.

 

I hope someday I can find that happiness as well.

I miss you.

Bleh. Why did I break NC?

Regrets. But moving forward.

Such a long path I've taken to recovery, but each day i get there one step at a time.

I'll make it. I'll keep on moving my feet even those feels like stone and im trying my best to drag them along the path.

I miss you.

But I accept you are gone.

I'm sorry.

I will always be me. This Marlene who i was trying to make was stupid of me. Why would I change who am i to make you see your mistake?

I love who i am. I am not perfect but dammit i am me. So go ahead and change, but i'll keep on doing me.

[Robin2904]

I am soooooo nervous for Memorial Day weekend! I have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. There is a 85% chance that you'll be there and that I'll run into you. SCARED. TO. DEATH. I'm scared for many reasons. One of which being- what if your with someone? I know it will seriously kill me. Like dead on the floor. And I don't want that because it will kill all the progress I've made. Even if you don't have a date- I'm sure you'll be dancing with other girls- I'll still have to see that. What if you see me with other guys? Though I admit part of me wants to be a biatch and rub that in your face0- I know- totally not very nice on my part, but I want you to see that I am desired by others. That I'm doing good- even if I'm not. Im so mixed up about this! I DO want to go! I loved those events! I miss my friends up there, and it is my friends B-day weekend and I PROMISED her I would go. UGH! Then I'm like WHAT IF I get drunk and make a big fool of myself!? I don't know if I trust myself to be drunk and in the same room with you and still feel what I feel. FML.

 

And then its like I don't even know how to act if I see you. Do I say hi? Hug you? Ignore you? Act as if I don't even know you? I DON'T KNOW. The last time we texted- though painfully awkward smalltalk- didn't seem like there was too much bad feelings between us- but still I know it will be awkward.

 

I've thought about just not going- but damn it I don't want you to hold me back from living MY LIFE! It is MY LIFE!! I have this crazy thought of initiating contact soon- just friendly texts- say hey, see how you were, and that I wanted to talk to you about something if you had a chance. I would keep it completely to the topic at hand. That I would be there in May, and that i'd like it if we could act okay with each other. Just to avoid any awkwardness, and be friendly. I don't know....this sounds like an okay idea in theory- but a lot could go wrong with it. UGH!!! Part of my just wants to do it- like ripping off a band aid. I want to be able to co exist with you even if we can't be friends. I know you did want to be friends with me and I made it clear in January I wasn't capable of being friends with you- not then. But I question sometimes....maybe now? But then I hit my head and say NO NO NO. I am still very much in love with you. That wouldn't work. But friendly. Friendly is different. There will be times when I'm in your area, and we may very well bump into each other. I don't want to have this fear every time I go there.

 

UGH. SO CONFUSED! I have the worst anxiety when it comes to this and its over a month a way! GET A GRIP ROBIN!!

[luvsomeone333]

thinking back about all the things you said to me ...every word you said were lies... all lies... you didnt want to be with me all along you wanted to be with her...

 

its what was real and what wasnt ...

 

u left me to figure out what was what and now...all i can i ever feel from that relationship was that u were a liar... u cheated and i was a fool to fall in love with you..

 

ur just so full of it..

[r0ckox]

I made a huge mistake by telling you how I felt. I know now that it is what made you lose attraction for me. It's a hard lesson in life and trying to form a relationship with a man that as a woman you have to hold back, be extremely wary, make the man work for it, be hard to get, mysterious, and all that BS. I am sorry that I blew it by not playing my role correctly and making myself available to you. Getting involved with you was the worst decision I have made as an adult and I've suffered greatly but I can only blame myself for being naive and stupid.

 

That goes for us men, too. Just so ya know

 

 

Back to you now.

I'm mean today. I'm thinking so angrily, and all I want to do is go back to last June when you came back from my first letter. How I wish I could have just ignored you and told you to buzz off.

Sometimes - you are right... but most times.... I'm right. You think I'm crazy, insane, psychotic, and act like a girl because I expressed my hurt.

If I'm so crazy and all of that......... what does that make you for talking to me all this time?

[bec83]

You really need to stop playng mind games. Seriously sending me a text asking to go on a picnic and then 2 seconds later sending another message telling me it's not for me... i'm sure you would have put at least one x if it was meant for someone else.. You haven't sent anything to me with an x since the break up! I know you're hurting and you're too scared to admit it. Instead you want to hurt me or make me jealous.. the thing is it's this type of behaviour which makes me not want to be with you. If your wondering, yes it does hurt to know you could be moving on (if there is actually someone) but i also feel slightly relieved that you heart can be fixed again and hopefully i won't have to deal with this behaviour for too much longer...

[ChellyV]

sending me a text and an email prior to giving me silent treatment with no conversation between us in between, puzzles me to this day. so not knowing that that email was going to be your last contact with me, i waited in silence and tortured myself for days. until after 3 days it occurred to me, we have no relationship. you have long ago built a wall thats too hard to penetrate. you have abandoned your desire to make it work long before the actual break up. i was left alone in making things work.

that's why now, even if i cry every day, i know i did the right thing. and hopefully you understand, that no one is perfect, i have flaws but i seriously wanted to correct them. in order to make us happy. however, you have long given up before the finished product is made. there is nothing i can do. let the new man in my life enjoy the new me.

[BJM91]

Today would have been a year, I miss you. x

[Robin2904]

Note to self- don't listen to Last Kiss by Taylor Swift EVER again

 

"So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep, and I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe" ....Exactly how I feel as I looked through your sister's FB albums at old pictures of you. Even an old picture of us from you were in the hospital last year. I kinda wish she would delete them. Then again my aunt still has a whole album of pictures of you and I from her birthday last June that I made the mistake of looking through last week. Why does no one delete old FB pictures? I deleted all the pictures of you and I- I know you deleted me too....

 

I can't help but wonder if you ever miss me, ever think of me. I know I shouldn't wonder that, it's not good for me. But I just miss you sometimes something fierce. I want to just reach out to you but I know it's not smart. I don't know why but lately I've been thinking that maybe I should take one more chance- just reach out to you one more time- which i know is insane after how you treated me in January and you really seemed like you didn't want to be with me....but I keep feeling like I don't know- like I need to give things one more try. I am setting myself up for failure with this mentality I KNOW that. Putting myself in a position to have my heart crushed AGAIN. But I can't help it. The thing is- everything I have read people say that if the dumper really wants to get back they will swallow their pride and reach out to them- and the thing is- though the lines were so blurry, and there was SO much back and forth with us, and the role was reversed so many times- I was the initial one who ended things. So in a way I feel like maybe I NEED to be the one to try again.

 

STUPID INSANE DUMB. I KNOW. But I can't shake this feeling....I don't know. And knowing I will probably see you memorial day weekend. FREAKING OUT. I think maybe we should have talk before then. Not an awkward text convo full of small talk- a real conversation. I don't even know HOW to approach it though, and I am SO torn on whether this is the dumbest idea I've ever had. UGH!!

[sfindependent]

GADDAMNIT!!!!i wish i can just forget about you completely, like, NOW.

 

I'm obviously playing this damn game by myself. I want to get over you. OVER YOU. I feel weak and stupid just letting you still affect me, even if you're not doing anything to me. Even if we've been LC i'm letting you affect me when there's nothing to be affected about! i'm getting mad at myself. For real. Why am i so weak? why do i let you ruin me???? cmon! you're over me, obviously. Dating other people. I'm dating other people, i'm doing well at my job. I'm doing well with my friends and social life... but my heart still wants YOU. And i'm letting you see me at my weakest! fgsdfkjghsdjkfhgjksdfhg

 

im soooo peeved. ok. time to purge again, i see.

[Robin2904]

GADDAMNIT!!!!i wish i can just forget about you completely, like, NOW.

 

I'm obviously playing this damn game by myself. I want to get over you. OVER YOU. I feel weak and stupid just letting you still affect me, even if you're not doing anything to me. Even if we've been LC i'm letting you affect me when there's nothing to be affected about! i'm getting mad at myself. For real. Why am i so weak? why do i let you ruin me???? cmon! you're over me, obviously. Dating other people. I'm dating other people, i'm doing well at my job. I'm doing well with my friends and social life... but my heart still wants YOU. And i'm letting you see me at my weakest! fgsdfkjghsdjkfhgjksdfhg

 

im soooo peeved. ok. time to purge again, i see.

 

Just wanted to say- I feel exactly the same way. No words of wisdom, but I know how you feel.

[Robin2904]

Why the heck can't I let you go??????

 

I feel so dumb lately. Its been about 3 weeks since that whole your sister messaging me to text you thing. At first I won't lie- I was messed up. It really messed with my head. What did you want? WHY did you make her FB message me. It's still bothering me obviously. But I was okay for a few weeks- even dare I say- good, happy? I was having fun- went out a bit. But for some reason- and I don't have any idea why- its like I had a huge set back. Its like your YET AGAIN consuming my thoughts. Hindering me from living my life. I'm depressed again, sleeping a lot, up late, nightmares. I want it to stop. You've been on my mind SO MUCH I would say the last week or so. Why is that? I swear I was doing better?

 

Its getting hard to resist the temptation to text you- though I don't know why. I realize NO good has ever come from texting you, or from you texting me. But- number one- I am having MAJOR anxiety for memorial day- and I wonder if maybe I can just talk to you about it. Lay my cards out, let you know I'll be there, and just see if we can avoid an awkward time. I don't know how that would go- what if your life 'Oh I don't care that you'll be there, but I'm bringing a date....' or something like that? What if you use this to throw some girl in my face? FHSFNKPNKFNKNFKSNK! I don't even know WHERE your coming from these days. FML.....I don't even know you anymore. I have no idea what you feel as far as I'm concerned. If you still love me, care at all, hate me....I don't know. So I wouldn't put something like this past you- though I wish I could say you wouldn't. I was also sure you could never look at me with cold eyes and let me cry. That you could never treat me like a stranger- but you did that. Less then a month after you told me you would never give up on us, on our love...you all but told me you didn't want to be with me. So who even knows what your capable of now.

 

But then there is the halfhearted attempt at contacting me last month which is STILL bothering me. Maybe I should just lay that out too. There is a part of me that needs to do this- that needs answers and feels completely unfulfilled unless she knows the truth!

 

SO MIXED UP. And I feel like I keep repeating myself here but these thoughts WON'T SHUT UP! UGH I so hate you right now!!

[Robin2904]

A final note to myself before I go to bed and pass out from exhaustion....stalking your page on that chat site....A) Not productive B) Makes me jealous C) Makes me miss you more.

[Philabonia]

This makes me think of you...I'm over hating you. I just miss you.

-------------------------

 

After all these years runnin' round

Flyin high and fallin down

Well the time has come at last

To rest my heart and erase my past

I'm gonna leave these blues behind

For some other fool to find

He won't care and i dont mind

Hide me babe, Hide me babe

 

Darlin don't you cry tonight

The moon is full and the world is right

I've loved more than my share

Took the pain and called it fair

So i'm gonna lay down all my fears

My highway blues and my ramblin tears

They can shout it down the line

I can't take what was not mine

 

I'll raise my glass and i'll make a toast

Better than some harder than most

Left our mark on every town

Chased our dreams and we stood our ground

But i can't do those things no more

Hide the way i've done before

The same wings that brought me through

Blow that fate and flame out too

 

After all these years runnin' round

Flyin high and fallin down

Well the time has come at last

To rest my heart and ease my past

I'm gonna leave these blues behind

For some other fool to find

He won't care and i dont mind

Hide me babe, Hide me babe

[Snowy]

I don't like that friend of yours.

 

 

[ay0_x]

I can't stop thinking about you. Your face, your lips. I can't help but compare everyone to you. You were my fantasy and you disappointed me so badly. I hate seeing you sign on msn. I know i should never speak to you again. I can't get rid of your stuff. I never will.