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Question for the men


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Hi there,


Just looking for some insight as to how a man would interpret and respond to the following:


I was dating a man for 4.5 months. We saw each other a couple of times a week. Before having sex, we both went to a lab and were screened for STD's, etc., so that we could ensure we were both safe. We used protection regardless, but for peace of mind, and any mishaps we wanted to be able to fully be relaxed. Turns out, this man cheated on me - once I know for sure, and he admitted to, but I also suspect there were other times. I saw a condom wrapper at his house, and this is how I discovered the infidelity. When I asked him about it, he apologized, said it was only once and a stupid mistake. He was very sorry and begged me to stay. We sat and talked for hours and he asked me to just stay the night rather than driving all the way home (45 min drive). I tried to stay. He fell asleep and while he was asleep, I got up and quietly left, without saying goodbye. I haven't heard from him since.


Do you think if he really was truly sorry, that he would have called me? It's been two weeks since this happened. He was out of the country for the past 8 days - and has recently arrived back. Or, do you think he took my leaving, without a goodbye, as an indication to not contact me again?


I feel very betrayed and sad by the whole situation. I was hoping for more, and I know that I don't deserve to be treated that way.

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He was only sorry he got caught, not out of guilt nor remorse. If he truly felt horrible about what he did, he would have call you already. It's clearly he was only doing the guilt trip and once you left he must have been like ''Oh well, the begging didn't work, good now I can move on without any guilt at all and I'm free''. To start off, he never care about you as a person nor your feelings. If he loved you as he stated then he would not go on cheating on you. If he cared one bit about you, he would have confess rather than you finding out on your own...

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Of course, he said he was very sorry for the "one time" mistake. That's what nearly everyone who gets caught cheating says. No, he is not trully sorry, and no it won't be the last time if you get back together with this man. He isn't sorry that he cheated on you, he is sorry that he got caught cheating on you. If anything, it will make him get better at hiding his infidelity.

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Sounds like the kind of man, that you can do without in your life. A man you couldnt and wouldnt be able to trust.


However, I suspect that he hasnt called and because you left quietly and without saying you were leaving. That would have indicated to him, that you were non too plussed with his infidelity (naturally)....and he likely thinks that you want nothing more to do with him, hence your quiet departure.

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We were not "officially" a couple - we were just dating. We had agreed to take things slowly, as I have a young son, which seemed to create a little anxiety in this guy. I never even introduced him to my son - wanted to do it when he was ready. I never expected him to be a father, etc., and didn't want him to feel any pressure at all.


All we had discussed was taking it slow. I said I was ultimately hoping to have a relationship, and he indicated that he wasn't sure he could offer that at that point (about 2 months in). I told him that if he was seeing anyone else or decided to see someone else, that he should let me know as I didn't want to be "one of many". I know it sounds bad as I type this, but this guy genuinely seemed to be sincere. I don't hand over my trust easily - it's something earned, and over time, I felt that he was able to be trusted, and ironically, that's when I found the wrapper! He told me that he would tell me if he ever did meet anyone else....that's what really bothers me...he DID sleep with someone and then brought me home to his place, intending to spend the night with me, which is when I discovered the condom.


I just feel so badly, like trash. Like I didn't matter at all. Not to blow my own horn, but I'm a pretty good catch for a man. I am apparently very attractive, I'm successful, independent, good sense of humor. I have it together....which is more than I can say for this guy who was a bit of a dreamer hoping to make it big in a band....a mariachi band.

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Sunflower71, you seem to know what you want and a cheating lying man who is only sorry he got caught is not on your list of things worth keeping!


He didn't even call to ask where you went or anything. He knew that you were disappointed that he slept with another woman. He just wants his cake, and you're not giving that to him. Good for you. Cheaters definitely don't deserve a second chance, and if it's this early in dating, chances are he wasn't really sincere with you to begin with.


You will find someone soon enough who will give you his all. Stay positive!

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im a guy and i cheated on the girl who i loved. i kept it to myself thinking i was doing the right thing and i was protecting her feelings. stupid i know. over time my girlfriend figured out i had sparked something with this girl and i thought i escaped by telling her it wasnt sexual. just a feel misinterpetted feelings. eventually keeping the secret of what really happened destroyed my relationship. eventually for her sake i felt i needed to confess so that she didnt blame herself for the break up. but there was a month between when we broke up and when i confessed where i didnt say a word to my girlfriend. i thought about her every second but was just so terrorfied that if i called her, i would tell her what truly happened. i was so ashamed. i think hes keeping his distance for fear that he will reveal more or at least have to confront the situation head on. boys are weak. it sounds like a cliche. but we would rather just run from a sitaution insted of facing the truth. i wish i was braver earlier. if i was then i would be sleeping in bed with a warm body next to mine rather than hugging cold pillows. he will run now, but it wont help him. he'll only be hurting himself.

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