How to battle loneliness, insecurity, and jealousy?

[Tears May Fall]

Throughout most of my life I can recall that I get lonely rather easily. I dont feel like I always display a high sense of self worth. I want to be that person that everyone enjoys and loves to be around and wants to always have invited wherever theyre going places because they know that person will be the life of the party/event and it wont be the same fun without them there. If this does happen, its usually temporary while im at a high point in life and I am the guy I want to be and everything is going great, as me and my friends would put it "he's hot right now" but nothing good seems to last and eventually ill fall into a low.

 

Whenever my friends dont call me to invite me out, whenever people dont return my calls, when I have no girls to talk to in my life/not dating anyone, I always feel low, lonely and get VERY jealous of others. I have great friends and family who love me dearly, but sometimes for whatever reason, I create a lot of insecure thoughts in my head. I dont always think im attractive, I feel like I can be boring, I feel like im not good enough, and I feel as though I depend on luck to pull me through.

 

Most of the time though I feel great about myself, feel as though I am fun to be around, feel like I have a great life, feel like I have nothing to complain about. But other times, its not so great, and im just having a hard time figuring out why I cant keep the positive feelings continuous. But then I wonder if im just putting on a show during the up times and covering up the true negative feelings underneath just so people will like this brief positive stunt and feel like "oh he's fun, bring him out more often"? Why cant I be who I know I have the capability of being, but be so on a continuous basis? But at the same time, why do I try to be someone just to please the crowd so I can get their attention to feel praised? Why do I depend on other peoples actions to dictate my feelings?

[denryuu]

that's similar to my situation too so i am hoping someone answers this thread soon. I often put on a smile and facade to make my friends feel at ease and not worried, although deep down i am constantly thinking. I tend to be insecure most of the time when i think, and i over think, so i begin to doubt myself and those around me.

[justhere]

I really empathize with both of you and am sorry I cannot give any advice. I have been in a similar place and am still there sometimes. I would like to know how to get out of it too. Sorry I can't help more.

[randomgirl59]

I cant offer much except for my sympathy, and the fact that I can understand how you feel

 

I especially can relate to this- "Why do I depend on other peoples actions to dictate my feelings?"

 

Sounds like insecurity and low self esteem. I suffer from that as well. Only you can make yourself happy. Even those moments when there are people there to make you feel good about yourself, they wont always be there forever. And even if they are, even when good things do happen, eventually you'll still feel bad because you haven't tackled the root of the problem. The trick is really believing in yourself even if no one is around to do so. That is the only way to live life happily. I wish I had some advice for you, but its something I'm trying to wrap my head around too.

 

Maybe talking to a therapist will help. I'm gonna try that too.

 

Hang in there okay?

[Tears May Fall]

Been talking to a therapist but it never seems to get anywhere, and this is my second one and he is WAYYY better than the first but I never seem to get anything resolved, just feel like im talking to someone for an hour but going around in circles. I feel good when I leave his office but within a couple of days or weeks something happens that brings me back down.

 

I also have a slurry of issues, its never just one thing, I seem to be negative about everything, i'll find ways to look negatively at almost everything, and beating myself up over it.

[Quenny]

Been talking to a therapist but it never seems to get anywhere, and this is my second one and he is WAYYY better than the first but I never seem to get anything resolved, just feel like im talking to someone for an hour but going around in circles. I feel good when I leave his office but within a couple of days or weeks something happens that brings me back down.

 

I also have a slurry of issues, its never just one thing, I seem to be negative about everything, i'll find ways to look negatively at almost everything, and beating myself up over it.

 

After reading through your post I can understand a little of how you feel regarding getting jealous over other people, thinking about the negatives about yourself and wanting to just break free from that.

 

Saying all of that, I'm not sure I can offer any more advice... But do you think it would help if you saw your therapist more often? You said that within days or weeks you start to feel low again. Maybe making more regular visits would help?

 

Other than that, the only other thing I can think of is making a list when you're feeling good about things/yourself. Write anything down that comes to mind when you're in a clear state of mind. Then, when you are feeling down, try looking over this list, try to go back to how you felt when you wrote down those things...

 

May sound silly, just an idea though.