Why are some guys such jerks

[confusedgirrl]

Well it finally ended, the guy i was dating that works with me dropped a bomb on me today. He started it by saying he had something to tell me but had trouble putting it into words, I assumed it was something bad and just waited until he worked out what he had to say.

 

He told me how much he likes me and how most mornings he cant wait to get to work so he can see me and that he smiles everytime he gets an email from me and how these things and more have him hooked and how he thinks of me as his unofficial girlfriend. He went on to say that sometimes he wonders if we can coexist for an extended period of time because of how I react to stuff ( i am not very good at hiding my emotions so if something is bothering me you can usually tell). He then tells me he has been thinking about getting back together with his ex more and more lately but if he does he honestly does not want to lose me and wants me to stay in his life as a friend. I have told him already if that happens i will be gone from his life forever or at least a while so I can get my feelings in check.

 

I actually begged him to give us a proper chance and not go back to his ex cause I'm thinking there must be a reason he is telling me all of this. I stupidly thought he wanted me to really let him know how I felt so I spilled my guts only to have him tell me that he will probably go back to her as he knows how things will be with her and it is too uncertain with me.

 

This all happened close to the end of the day so when I was about to leave I went to the kitchen to wash my mug and he cornered me there and tried to hold my hand and tell me he doesnt want to stop talking to me. I backed away and told him we cant always get what we want in life.

 

How can someone who tells me they care about me and dont want to hurt me be so selfish. He is only thinking about himself aand is obviously not thinking about how I feel. You dont want to be in a relationship with me but want to keep me as a friend?

 

I actually thought he was a nice guy but that is incredibly selfish. And to make things worse I am actually sitting here now thinking about calling him to talk about it. How pathetic am I? Why cant I just let him go and move on.

[waveseer]

You can let him go, however, before you can properly move on you will grieve his loss. It's the same basic thing for all of us.

[HeartGoesOn]

Don't call, don't beg, keep your self-respect, and give yourself the gift of healing. Hard as that is, when all is said and done, you'll look back and be proud of yourself.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sounds like an incredible jerk. The woman he wants to go back to is getting a booby prize.

[boonpop]

After reading your post here, it sounds like this man has a fear of being alone. The older we get the more we come to realize through experience that it's better to be single and confront our emotions, rather than try and peruse a relationship without having worked through our loose ends with another. It sounds as if he sees and appreciates what you bring to the table, yet he'd rather run to the arms of another for companionship because that is a more familiar ground to him. Or maybe that honest and upfront nature of yours is intimidating and he's just not ready to handle that yet.

 

One thing that I don't know if women know or not is that men are just as afraid of being hurt as the opposite sex when it comes to relationships.

 

What is it about you that can cause a man to praise you, yet in the same breath betray you with actions such as those he presented? Maybe his relationship with you is familiar and desirable, but scary to him because he doesn't know where it will end up. But then again, who does? Any relationship we enter is basically new terrain and the destinations are unknown. I can understand him wanting to have his cake and eat it too, but as you've stated, that's extremely selfish of him to ask. It sounds like he's made his choice and whatever his reasoning for doing so, you have to respect his decision. Don't worry though, when it comes to matters of the heart our mouths say one thing, but our actions usually dictate and manifest our reality. Try to remain as comforting as you have always been in his life, it's hard, but then again women often have the uncanny strength to accomplish things like this. When it's all said and done, he will either realize the blessings in front of his face and pursue what's right, or you will move on and find someone who will appreciate you and not require so much energy to love. Continue to be the best you that you have ever been and see what happens from there.

[Diddy323]

Some girls are the same way...My ex was doing the same thing this guy did. Except she ended up picking the replacement. There's something to be said for knowing that something is worth holding onto. It sounds like the guy knows he's happier with his ex, there's really nothing wrong with that. It's crappy that he kept trying to hold onto you, but he's gotta do what's right for him. So he didn't handle it properly but its probably harder on him than anyone else.

[confusedgirrl]

Thank you guys for your responses. boonpop yours gave me the most comfort. We talked about it yesterday( I didnt go to work, I needed a break from seeing him) so it was alot of emails back and forth throughout the day. The first one starting with him asking me does this mean you are not talking to me. I told him he was being selfish and was not thinking about my feelings in all of this. All he kept say is that he does not want our friendship to go down the drain just like that. So back at work today nothing has really changed its as though Wednesday did not happen, he told me that he missed me yesterday. Thery are not back together yet so maybe there is still a chance for me to change his mind( I am not sure if I want to)

 

Diddy323-funny thing is he has told me that he and his ex argue almost every day and he does not want to live like that. How could arguing be better than uncertainty. I dont know. I know he has to do what is best for him but if that is the case just let me go.

 

I think I have decided to try to be friends with him and see how I deal with it. If it gets to be too difficult I will just disappear without any explaination, i have to look out for me.

 

I am about to go out to lunch with him, so I will see how that goes. Do you guys think I am crazy for still hanging around with him? I will probably end up getting hurt more than I was on Wednesday but I cant seem to help myself.